(Closed) I want to fire my MOH (kinda long)

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do about my lame MOH?
    Suck it up, you can't Fire her once you've asked her : (21 votes)
    62 %
    Tell her she's fired and pick someone who will be more supportive : (4 votes)
    12 %
    Ask her to step up to the plate and hold her accountable : (9 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Do you already have somebody else in mind? A lot if it is probably just because she is younger and has no idea how stressful a wedding can be, or maybe she is just too busy in her own life and doesn’t want to make it a priority.  She will probably be really upset if you ask her to step down, but maybe if you approach it as “I know you are really really busy with things, and I’m feeling overwhelmed with all the wedding stuff.  My friend X has offered to help with things and wants to be part of the bridal party, I was thinking to take some of the pressure off of you by letting her step in as a bridesmaid”  See what she says, and maybe you can make her your flower girl if she’s your younger sister 😉  To be honest I just don’t think people understand how much help you need for a wedding until it happens to them… I have to admit that when I was my sister’s bridesmaid I didn’t ask to help her or even bother asking how things were, I just went to pick out the dresses with her because I just didn’t even THINK to ask her about anything else! And now that i’m in the crunch period for my own wedding i’m always thinking wow I wish people were more helpful as well.

    Post # 5
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    What do you expect a Maid/Matron of Honor to do?  Its your wedding, not hers she shouldn’t have to help you plan. Maybe throw you a bridal shower, but with this being your second wedding, she might feel like it is inappropriate. (Some people in the South think it is, I think not, but to each their own.) You picked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor because you wanted her to stand next to you, not because you wanted someone to help you with your DIY projects or whatever the case might be.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    this isnt a matter of firing only a Maid/Matron of Honor but a sister as well and to be honest i dont really understand what you expect from her to be fired for derelict of duties

    her role isnt to be your pleb, worker bee or cheer squad – if she doesnt want to help you with anything she shouldnt have to.  some people (like me) throw themselves totally into wedding tasks but others dont – not everyone will jump through the hoops you expect of them as they have their own lives and priorities. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    14440 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Maybe she’s just not as into weddings?  Or maybe since this is your second one, she doesnt see it as exciting as the first time?  Was she your Maid/Matron of Honor for your first wedding?  No one is going to care about your wedding as much as you… cold hard truth.  I didnt have any of my wedding party help do anything for me.  One of my BM’s came dress shopping with me and my mother, i would have been fine going by myself.  They did plan a shower and bachlorette party.  But that’s about it, I didnt expect any of them to want to hear about my plans or regularly ask me about it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @sunedlyt:It might be one of those things that your wedding isn’t as important to everyone else as it is to you. I find myself guilty of talking about my wedding a lot and when I’m not talking about it, I’m waiting for someone else to mention it so I can talk about it again.  Maybe you’re talking about it more than you realize and she knows exactly how it is going.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    @sunedlyt: you cant make people feel the same way you do about a situation – there could be a number of things coming into play here. she could be the type of person that is relaxed and worries about stuff as it gets closer (not understanding how long a wedding can take to plan) or it could be as extreme as shes not loving your choice in a husband or it could be somewhere in the middle

    how exactly does she “downplay your happiness”. your first post you said she “hasn’t even acted like she’s remotely interested” and now you are saying she constantly down playing your feelings.  when people start changing their stories/emotions so strongly i start to worry if you are thinking too much about it and letting it build into something bigger than what it is

    not saying youre feelings arent important but they are also no more or less important than your sisters

    Post # 14
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Definitely think that you should simply ask her for what you want instead of expecting her to just step up to the plate.  If you chat with her, take it easy and let her know you’d love some help if she’s willing to give it.  If not, her only real duty is to show up on your day and stand next to you.  Don’t be afraid to ask her – but don’t be wishy washy about it either.  Know what you want from her and what you’d like help with.  I think it’s only fair that you both know what you’re looking for out of this. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I think your Maid/Matron of Honor should be the person you want standing next to you, the one you want signing your marriage certificate, and the one who you just couldn’t imagine not being it.

    This person is not also necessarily the one who is as excited as you, will listen until their ears bleed, or do whatever it takes to help with your projects or select your colors.

    Most girls are lucky to have that be the same person but some need to have those needs met by several people in their life.

    As far as being Maid/Matron of Honor, you picked her for a reason and I think it’s unfair to change your mind now.  I would imagine she’s the same person then as she is now.  If you want her to go shopping tell her when the date is, don’t ask if she wants to.  I think I would call her out if you don’t like her response on something your Fiance does.  If that was my sister and she responded in that way (which sounds annoyed) I would ask “oh am I talking too much about him?” 

    It sounds like you also may need to ask her if you aren’t making enough time for her.  It sounds possible she isn’t seeing her sister enough.

    Just some thoughts.  But overall – no I don’t think there is any reason to ask her to step down. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think that talking to her is a great idea.  Be clear and concise about what you would like her to do and try to make it clear that you appreciate and need her moral support as yoour sister, friend and Maid/Matron of Honor…. Best of luck!

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