(Closed) I want to get married…. I just don't want a wedding

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: What is the most reasonable solution?

    Just stick to your plan, ignore other people's opinions, etc

    Take out a massive loan and have a traditional wedding with the dress, cake, reception, photos, etc

    Elope. Risk parent's wrath.

    Stay engaged forever (please nobody click on this LOL)


  • Post # 2
    47431 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    rn2017 :  Have the wedding that works for the two of you.

    Post # 3
    5081 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    View original reply
    rn2017 :  Do what you want to do. We were in a similar situation, not wanting to spend money we didn’t have on a wedding, family far away and not able to afford travel, etc. We got married with just our parents and DH’s siblings at DH’s parents’ house. It was just fine for us. 

    Post # 4
    10444 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Elope or stick with your original plan – whichever will make you happier. Never go into debt for a wedding!

    But for what it’s worth – I go to my friends’ weddings because I love them and want to support them. I don’t care about how much money they spend and would never a think a wedding wasn’t worth it. Also an invite is just that an invite. It’s not a summons. Inviting your friends would not be burdening them. Just a perspective to think about.

    Post # 5
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    What do YOU and your fiance want? My advice is to really think about that and stop speculating about what your friends and family and even your fiance might feel. 

    If you want to have a traditional wedding, don’t be deterred just because you feel like it is a nuisance and that you will be making your fiance uncomfortable (unless he has specifically said this). People who can attend will make the effort, and those who can’t will let you know. If however, you want a simple ceremony in church, don’t let your parents’ disappointment prevent you from doing just that. I say this as someone who had a very small, very intimate, no-frills wedding, your parents will get over it. 

    Post # 6
    2667 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    We are having a small jop ceremony and bbq potluck reception in our backyard. Do what will make you happy. 

    Post # 7
    2990 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    I think your family is objecting to your wedding because they’ve never been to one like it. I remember feeling the same way until I was invited to a similar wedding and experienced how fun and special an intimate wedding is. I was one of two friends the bride had invited and I’ll never forget how honored I felt to be there and how neat it was hanging out with the bride and groom’s amazing families and eating the MOB’s delicious homemade enchiladas. I’m sure once your family experiences the joy of a tiny low key wedding it will become a new tradition. 

    Post # 8
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    rn2017 :  

    I totally get where you are coming from! Do what YOU want to do and you won’t regret anything! 

    My husband and I eloped (planned elopement) …there were a lot of pissed off/hurt people at the time, but guess what…they got over it! It was EXACTLY what we wanted, I did wear a wedding dress and my mom and I spent great quality time shopping for it, going for the fittings and having lunch or dinner around those appointments. I have great memories of my time with her from that and I have great memories of my wedding with my husband. My mom was hurt initially that she wasn’t there, but she got over it.

    We are older, my husband has been married before, my father died, so I felt weird having a “wedding” without him there, we have friends from all over, my husband has a crazy work schedule and we have a shitty relationship with his family, so eloping was in OUR best interest. We came home and took the handful of people closest to us out for a wonderful dinner – we hired a limo, went all out and it was a blast! 

    Post # 9
    488 posts
    Helper bee

    Do what you want! I recently got engaged and I don’t want a wedding. We wouldn’t go into debt paying for a small wedding but I would much rather spend that money traveling then just for one day. 

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