Post # 1
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
I’m not sure what to do. My fiance and I moved to the midwest from the east coast (I’m from the northeast and he’s from the southeast) and don’t know many people here. It seems unreasonable to ask our friends back east to fly here for our wedding because:
1. We aren’t spending a lot of money on our wedding (he has student loans) so its not going to be “worth” all the trouble.
2. My fiance is in his late 30’s and pretty much all of his friends are married with kids. I understand traveling with small children can be a nightmare.
3. I’m in my mid-twenties…most of my friends don’t have the money at this point to travel, take off from work, etc.
4. My family is large and his is…nonexistent (sad story, not getting into it). Although he has a ton of friends, I can’t help but feel like this ceremony would be very one-sided and he would feel like he is under a lot of pressure from my large family.
5. My family is super Catholic so we are getting married in a Catholic church. Not everyone wants to sit through a Catholic mass! I definitely don’t want to ask our friends to fly out to the midwest just to sit through a catholic mass. Not happening.
So, we decided that we would get married in the local Catholic church with just my parents and siblings in attendance. No poofy white dress, or bells and whistles.
My parents were kind of disappointed that we aren’t planning a more “ceremonious” wedding, and I’m not sure what to say…. Our wedding would be a massive inconvenience to our friends, even though I know they would NEVER say anything, and would attend because they are kind people. We are also saving up to move back to the east coast, and cannot afford to spend money on a traditional wedding with a reception. We live in the middle of farmland, fyi. The closest big city is 3 hours away.
Anyone have a similar situation or have any advice???
EDIT: Now that I think of it, most of my family probably won’t be able to attend seeing as they are much older than my siblings and I and live in Europe.
Post # 2
Member
47431 posts
Honey Beekeeper
rn2017 : Have the wedding that works for the two of you.
Post # 3
Member
5081 posts
Bee Keeper
rn2017 : Do what you want to do. We were in a similar situation, not wanting to spend money we didn’t have on a wedding, family far away and not able to afford travel, etc. We got married with just our parents and DH’s siblings at DH’s parents’ house. It was just fine for us.
Post # 4
Member
10444 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Elope or stick with your original plan – whichever will make you happier. Never go into debt for a wedding!
But for what it’s worth – I go to my friends’ weddings because I love them and want to support them. I don’t care about how much money they spend and would never a think a wedding wasn’t worth it. Also an invite is just that an invite. It’s not a summons. Inviting your friends would not be burdening them. Just a perspective to think about.
Post # 5
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
What do YOU and your fiance want? My advice is to really think about that and stop speculating about what your friends and family and even your fiance might feel.
If you want to have a traditional wedding, don’t be deterred just because you feel like it is a nuisance and that you will be making your fiance uncomfortable (unless he has specifically said this). People who can attend will make the effort, and those who can’t will let you know. If however, you want a simple ceremony in church, don’t let your parents’ disappointment prevent you from doing just that. I say this as someone who had a very small, very intimate, no-frills wedding, your parents will get over it.
Post # 6
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
We are having a small jop ceremony and bbq potluck reception in our backyard. Do what will make you happy.
Post # 7
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
I think your family is objecting to your wedding because they’ve never been to one like it. I remember feeling the same way until I was invited to a similar wedding and experienced how fun and special an intimate wedding is. I was one of two friends the bride had invited and I’ll never forget how honored I felt to be there and how neat it was hanging out with the bride and groom’s amazing families and eating the MOB’s delicious homemade enchiladas. I’m sure once your family experiences the joy of a tiny low key wedding it will become a new tradition.
Post # 8
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
rn2017 :
I totally get where you are coming from! Do what YOU want to do and you won’t regret anything!
My husband and I eloped (planned elopement) …there were a lot of pissed off/hurt people at the time, but guess what…they got over it! It was EXACTLY what we wanted, I did wear a wedding dress and my mom and I spent great quality time shopping for it, going for the fittings and having lunch or dinner around those appointments. I have great memories of my time with her from that and I have great memories of my wedding with my husband. My mom was hurt initially that she wasn’t there, but she got over it.
We are older, my husband has been married before, my father died, so I felt weird having a “wedding” without him there, we have friends from all over, my husband has a crazy work schedule and we have a shitty relationship with his family, so eloping was in OUR best interest. We came home and took the handful of people closest to us out for a wonderful dinner – we hired a limo, went all out and it was a blast!
Post # 9
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
Do what you want! I recently got engaged and I don’t want a wedding. We wouldn’t go into debt paying for a small wedding but I would much rather spend that money traveling then just for one day.