(Closed) i want to go with my boyfriend to pick out ring..

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My SO and I had been together over 3 years when we started looking at rings together. We both knew we were heading down the marriage path and casually one evening mentioned that at some point in the future I wanted to go look at rings. He totally embraced the idea. He still tells people he is glad that we went to look at rings so he could find out exactly what I liked. Both of us went in with an idea of what we liked but after looking at many different settings and cuts of center stones what we originally wanted was not at all what I ended up with.

My thought process is that if your SO is going to spend a significant amount of money to him on something he wnats you to love why not go and look at rings together. Pick out a few and he can surprise you with the one he decides on. We picked out the setting together and after I found 2 cuts of diamonds I liked he surprised me with what the center stone was.

Just because you may even know what the ring will look like he can still surprise you with when and how he will propose and to me that was what was most important. The proposal and not the ring, and even then I had an idea of when the proposal was coming and was completely blown away.

Post # 4
Member
7457 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m a huge believer in trying different types of settings/stones on before deciding what you like best. Maybe you should go alone to a jeweler who has what you think you like and try it on by yourself since it seems like he doesn’t want you to go with him?

Post # 7
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Ok, so I was in your exact same situation a few months ago. My boyfriend and I have been together for ~7 years, early twenties, all of it. He wasn’t just hesitant- he wanted to pick it out all himself! We christmas shop, anniversary shop, birthday shop, every shop together so we can get each other what we want (or we make a detailed wish list with asterisks next to high importance items). Also, like you, I wanted a fancy cut-heart. Basically, I sat down and gently brought up the fact that I knew the engagement was coming. I also brought up the fact that he was going to spend money on it, so why not make it my dream ring (well within reason)? We talked some more, and I told him that this is the ring I want to wear forever and be so proud of because he gave it to me. I also told him that the proposal is the “big surprise”, not the ring! After we talked about it he went from wanting to pick the entire thing out to wanting me to have exactly what I wanted so much that we ended up going custom on the ring itself (which I highly reccomend- custom rings are so special because they are so unique!). It really is just about a calm, rational talk between the two of you.

What not to do/say (might be obvious, but thought I’d throw it out there):

“I want this setting and this price and this stone and it has to be made here”

“but it is my ring, not yours!”

“SoAndSo’s fiance let her pick hers out” (why can’t you be like him?) 

“What if you pick it out and I hate it?” (you would love anything he picked, you just think it is something that could be so special if you could pick it together)

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I went with my Fiance to pick out my ring for a few reasons:

1. I already knew he was proposing. We wanted to start our relationship off by making one of the most important decisions of our lives together.

2. I absolutely had to have a marquise.

3. I wanted something different, something special, but I really couldn’t put it into words.

4. I have really small hands. A ring size four. I was terrified my Fiance would spend a lot of money on a huge diamond that would overwhlem my finger and I wouldn’t end up liking.

Here is my ring, which I am in love with: 

Here is my engagement, just so you can see how little seeing the ring beforehand mattered:

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@primadonna5:  Thank you! I don’t think so, personally. I never had this problem because Fiance basically dragged me, but if you guys are open and honest with each other then he should move past this. Or, you could get a ring “custom made.” We went to Kay Jewlers and pickd a loose stone and a setting. If I had not been so weak, I would not have been able to actually see the ring all together.

Post # 12
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Fiance and I went to look at rings together. I had narrowed down what I liked to about 4 settings. He wanted me to have EXACTLY what I wanted since its something I will wear for the next 50+ years. We went together and I picked out my setting. To this day, I am still absolutely in love with it. I knew I wanted a large stone (i am 29, hes 28 so we are very successful and fiancially well). His surpirse to me was the stone he picked – he did a reeallllllly good job!!!!! Even though I picked out the setting, I was still surprised because it was an engagement proposal!!! And it was even more beautiful than I could have imagined. It did not take away from the experience at all. My Fiance was happy that I picked it out because it took the stress off of him to pick the right one. If youre picky (like me) then you should pick it out!! 

Post # 13
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - The Millennium Center

I was by FI’s side when we picked and he bought my ring, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! I think I was actually MORE surprised when I actually got it, because of the anticipation of seeing MY diamond on MY band versus the CZ on the store model setting. As other bees have mentioned, the way I saw it was: Fiance is paying thousands of dollars for my ring, why not be 100% positive it is exactly what I love?

Post # 14
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@primadonna5:  I picked out a few settings that I liked, and left the diamond up to him.

Post # 16
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

@primadonna5:  Well, if he thinks that you don’t know he is going tomorrow, that could be tricky… I would look up examples tonight, print them off if you can, and say something like “remember when we pretended to shop? These are a few I like that I didn’t get to show you before cause they didn’t have them in the store”. You could then say something like “you know, if you want, the first time you go talk to a real jeweler I could come along just to give you ideas about what I like, and then if you want we could leave the rest up to you” that might be a happy medium, and it would let him know you were interested in going the first visit and leave the inviting up to him. 

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