(Closed) I want to have a immediate family only wedding but…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

I would hope everyone could get along for your sake.

How important is it that you have family there? Eloping is an option. A destination wedding is another idea. There are locations where it would hardly cost you anything and if people want to and can afford it, they can come. 

 

Post # 3
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

20k is a lot to shell out to avoid one awkward dinner, IMO. Maybe you could have the private ceremony with no dinner and then have a larger more casual celebration later on (not the same day) with some of the extended family there. 

Post # 6
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
loribee92 :  Then a Destination Wedding sounds like a good option. Do some research. You just have to decide what’s most important I guess.

Post # 7
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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loribee92 :  That’s what we did. A ceremony with immediate family near where we live and a couple months later we flew back to my homestate and had a celebration with my extended family. It was pretty inexpensive, as we just did homecooked food made by a handfull of guests, so semi-potluck (the norm where I’m from, even for traditional weddings, though I know it’s often scoffed at on here). For us, the money was a factor, but also the fact that our families are spread out and most can’t afford to travel to a wedding. It worked out well for us the way we did it. 

Post # 8
Member
8490 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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loribee92 :  Is your family social enough to keep some conversations going for an hour or two? If so, I’d probably do the small immediate-family-only wedding. For dinner after, you could arrange seating so your family is between his mom’s and his dad’s. If you think it would still be awkward or that’s too much pressure on your side, I’d just elope and celebrate with each group separately later. Paying 20k to avoid butthurt cousins would not be on the table for me.

Post # 9
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

As someone who is planning a large wedding because of family awkwardness and drama, elope!  We’ve invited too many people, and my family still hates eachother.  Who cares what people think.

Post # 10
Member
704 posts
Busy bee

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Ziggy2112 :  This made me LOL.  So true, OP.  Don’t try to do things to please others or avoid problems because problemactic people will still find things to be problematic about. Make youself and Fiance happy.  That’s all you can do.  

Post # 11
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t know if this helps or not, but my fiancé and I are having an intimate ceremony witb our parents and myou two siblinga.  I am also close to my extended family, but they love me enough to respect my decisions.  We could not afford a traditional wedding even if we wanted it.  Also, both of our parents are divorced also, but we believe they can be adults for the day.  My fince and I will take everyone out for a nice dinner afterwards.

Post # 12
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, I would have a sit-down or write individual letters to each of the people  who may cause awkwardness. I would explain my predicament and say that the only options you have are elopement  or having them there, but it lies with them because your choice is dependent on their behaviour.

Hopefully that could help them see that they need to put aside their feelings not even for a whole day but just a few hours.

Not sure if that’s something you would consider but I find well-thought out, but still caring letters tend to have quite a positive impact because they allow the person to take the info in at their own pace, without feeling the need to put up any defences. Good  luck bee!

Post # 13
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
loribee92 :  I agree with Ziggy2112 ! Have the wedding that’s right for you. If you’re worried that certain family members can’t conduct themselves like adults for one day, then maybe address them individually and explain how important it is for you to have everyone there. They can choose not to attend if they can’t handle it. Good luck! I had a small, immediate family only destination wedding of sorts and I’m so happy with how it turned out. I’d recommend that or eloping! lol 

Post # 14
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Paying 20K because some other people want you to isn’t really a great idea…  I mean, would you send them a check for 20K? It would be a lot simpler than giving them the wedding they seem to expect/demand.

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