Thanks for posting this – I know this is certianly not the norm these days and I am sure it took some courage to post!
I applaud your steadfastness and patience – I know it isn’t easy! Espcially after you are engaged.
My husband and I were both virgins when we married. We, too, hold to a belief system that teaches a high view of sex and marriage and we believed sex is best within the context of marriage. So, we waited. It certainly wasn’t easy and both of us made mistakes along the way. When we met, it got even harder and THEN he proposed and it seemed almost impossible. If it were not for our philosophical and religious beliefs, trust in our God and lots and lots of prayer, I don’t think we could have done it.
I will say, as the wedding drew closer, and as we fell more and more in love by the day, it got easier. It got to a point where we could see the light at the end of the tunnel and also we came to a point to where we wanted to wait for the sake of the other person.
All that to say, I don’t think there is a more special or precious gift we could have given each other. The wedding night was indescribably special. Not to say it was the best sex of our lives, because that is far from the truth, but it will remain one of the most special nights of our lives.
My advice is to take it slow. You have the rest of your lives to have perfect sex, and it most likely WILL NOT be on your wedding night – or even on your honeymoon. Sex is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time, years even to learn one another and figure out what is best for you as a couple. So, I encourage you not to expect what you see in the movies and not to expect your first time – or even first few times! – to be “great sex” (that goes for your husband as well).
If you both go into your wedding night/honeymoon with the mindset that you won’t know what to do, but you get to learn together, you will have some of the most memorable times of your life! Don’t take it too seriously or try to get it “right.” Laugh a lot, and be ok with something going wrong (it’s hard to do! Especially if you are wanting to please/serve your husband!)
Are you going through pre-marital counseling? Do you have an older woman who can talk to you about sex and what to expect? That was invaluable for me. There are also a few good books out there – I read a couple that were helpful. I’m not sure what faith you hold to – the ones I read were Christian books.
I’m excited for you both! There is a definite spiritual aspect to sex and oneness – it is truly one of God’s greatest gifts to us. When you get frustrated in the next year, before you’re married (because I’m sure you will) just remember, IT IS WORTH THE WAIT! I promise. Please don’t hesistate to message me if you have any questions!
Congrats on your engagement and happy wedding planning!