Post # 1
Im a people pleaser and an includer… not good traits of a bride, I know, but what are you going to do.
Anyways, finally we finally picked a date & venue so I finally get to ask my bridesmaids! Thing is… I just want to include everyone, I hate being left out and I don’t leave anyone out. Help!
heres the situation: 2 sisters, 2 FSILs (one is his sister, other is brothers wife). And then I have 4 very close girl friends. But 8 just seems like so many… and FH doesn’t have that many people. But when I think about the picutues, I just don’t want those ladies to be left out of them, unless of course they want to!
I’m not sure if FSILs or one of my friends would even want to do it… do I just ask them and deal with mismatched sides if they decide they want to?
Post # 2
Yep, mismatched sides are pretty common
Edit- Just because you do not like to be excluded doesn’t mean the other ladies feel the same way
Post # 3
here’s my two cents: only ask the people who you really REALLY love and who really REALLY love you back. Don’t ask anyone out of obligation or just to be inclusive. Unless you’re great friends with your FSILs, then don’t ask them.
Post # 4
Ask the women you genuinely want as your bridesmaids. If that means all 8 girls, so be it. Mismatching sides isn’t as important as having the people you want stand next to you.
Post # 5
Honestly, I would try to forget about “including everyone” and focus more on who you really want standing up with you. You don’t have to ask both of your sisters or both FSILs or all of your friends if this isn’t who you really want to include. You also don’t have to have the same number of people on each side.
FWIW, my Fiance has 3 sisters and I only asked 1 of them to be a bridesmaids. I’m not really close with the other 2 and neither is my Fiance (in fact, he doesn’t overly get along with 1 of them and didn’t want her involved with our wedding at all). I originally wanted to ask all 3 of them, but after talking with my Fiance and my parents I realised it was because I didn’t want the other 2 to feel left out. We ended up asking FI’s other sisters to do a reading each (which much cajoling for the sister he doesn’t like) and everyone seems to be happy.
I also don’t have an even bridal party – I have 4 on my side and my Fiance only has 3. He hasn’t even specified a best man, as he couldn’t choose between his guys, whereas I have a Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 6
Leave out the FSILs. It’s common not to include them, and they’ll be in the family photos.
Post # 7
I say include them all. I did this, and I had 16 bridesmaids, and it was great! No fuss, no issues at all, they were all super helpful and incredibly gracious,
Post # 8
DO NOT ASK OUT OF OBLIGATION! It will come back to bite you. I felt obligated to ask someone (a toxic personality type person, creates drama and hates my FI) and then I was so unhappy that I ended up removing her from my bridal party. Its much more painful to remove someone than not ask them in the first place.
Holy Cannoli! I dont even think I have that many close friends! You are well loved Bee!
Post # 9
Thanks ladies! I really do want to include all of them, my main issue is that it just seems like so many people standing up there and to coordinate. I don’t have any “bad blood” between any of them though, and genuinely want to have them “by my side” on our day.
I think I’m going to start by just talking with FSILs… now if only they weren’t hours away and we could just meet in person :/
Post # 10
Imo, just ask them all, sometimes some of them won’t be able to make it or decline. At least then you gave them the chance to say no. Or you could ask some who are less important to you to just show up and be there for you on the day but not having to get involved with preparations.
Post # 11
I have a total of 8 bridesmaids so if you want to include them all I say go for it. Some may not be able to anyway possibly due to the financial commitment or they all might not be available on the day you chose. Do what makes you happy after all it’s your day.
Post # 12
I have 8! It’s not unheard of at all. Fiance has 6 on his side. I truly wanted all those ladies, including my two FSILs who I am close with, up there with me! We’re slightly mismatched but were both okay with it.
Post # 13
Well FSILs are going to be in family photos anyway with you guys. So that cuts them out. Same with your sister for that matter. You can have a sisters photo shoot with them anyway.
Go with your 3 or 4 friends.
Post # 14
I mean i think that IS a lot…but its not uncommon these days for people to 8 to 10 BMs. Its a little overkill, but thats just me.
With that number of BMs, mismatched dresses in the same color scheme would look great. I only have 4 bridesmaids, so I have them all in the same dress, I didnt think mismatched would look good.