I want to invite guy friend my fiancé HATES.

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ellec54 :  FI’s feelings come ahead of Ed’s.

Post # 3
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

ellec54 :  yoir fiance and his feelings should take priority over Ed and his feelings. So if your fiance is hurt by you inviting ED it matters more than Ed being hurt if you dont invite him.

Post # 4
Member
750 posts
Busy bee

Yes, let it go. 

Your fiance’s opinion matters more

Post # 5
Member
2332 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Uh it’s your FI’s wedding too. Why would you want to invite someone that would make him uncomfortable? 

Post # 6
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’d choose to put my fiancé’s feelings first. If your friendship has faded and he’s distanced himself I doubt he’s expecting an invite anyway.

Post # 7
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

ellec54 :  I’m going to go against the grain here, and say that it doesn’t seem your Fiance has a good reason for disliking this guy, except for jelousy.  Now if “Ed” told you he had feelings for you while you were with your Fiance, or bad mouthed your Fiance or anything like that, that would be fair enough for your Fiance to not want him at your wedding, but if he has been nothing but respectful of your relationship and you count him as a friend, then I think you should be able to invite him.  I think your Fiance is being childish.   

Post # 11
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

Fiancé > Friend 

Post # 12
Member
9042 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ellec54 :  I don’t buy into the “your partner’s feelings come first” particularly when those feelings and actions resulting from those feelings are based in things like jealousy and control.

Your feelings matter as well and wanting to be surrounded by friends who have supported you and helped you grow in your life to the point where you find yourself today, marrying the person you love, is to me more valid a feeling than wanting to exclude someone your partner would like to attend over jealousy.

Just because someone feels something does not make acting on those feelings justified.

Post # 14
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

ellec54 :  I can see it from both sides. I have a close male friend too. 

But my first thought reading your post was this: how would you feel if the tables were turned, if your Fiance insisted on inviting a female friend who had previously declared her feelings to him before you got together. Would you be happy dealing with her being there on that one special day you have? Happy him insisting on it?

If your friend hadn’t declared his feelings, I would think your Fiance was being unreasonable and possessive. But from my experience men tend to view this type of male friend as not being a real friend, just a guy in love with his partner hiding behind a ‘friendship’ 

This is my experience. I’m generalising of course but that’s how guys have explained it to me again and again. I’ve often argued back as they can be wrong.

Sometimes they’ve been wrong other times right. The problem is he’s already declared those feelings….

Post # 15
Member
10852 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

aussiemum1248 :  

This 1000%.  It’s your fiancé’s wedding too.  He doesn’t want Ed there.  That’s reason enough for Ed not to be there.  Show some respect for your fiance’s feelings.  If Ed is indeed a good friend, he’ll understand.

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