(Closed) I want to invite my bridesmaid’s ex (also a friend of mine) but…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

Hmm… I’m going to respectfully disagree. 🙂 Can you imagine being in a wedding, with your ex-fiancé in attendance? A wedding! Despite the lack of romantic feelings, this is bound to be uncomfortable and justifiably painful for her. It’s one thing to have two friends who used to date being invited to the wedding, but it’s quite another to ask your friend to stand up for your wedding and then invite someone with whom she has a painful past.

On the side of etiquette, if he’s invited he should be allowed to bring a guest (so your fiancé is right). But since you’re presumably closer to your bridesmaid than to her former fiancé, your allegiance is to her and you should avoid causing any pain to her and to her current boyfriend. I don’t believe he should be invited. Hopefully he will understand, and you can send the ex-fiancé some wedding pictures later on.

Post # 4
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I personally wouldn’t invite him even just to prevent that can of worms being opened. Since your friend means so much to you, it would be really inconsiderate to her to invite him. Good luck!

 P.S. You may want to get a different username than your email. Just a heads up. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think if she’s the one you’re closer to then perhaps for everyone’s sake, you just opt out of inviting him. Given the history and the inevitable awkwardness that two ex-fiancees might have at a wedding of all places, it might really put a damper on both of their times. 

Post # 6
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know you said you’re not that close to the guy, what do you think about not inviting him at all?

My Fiance was a reader in the wedding where his ex-Gf was a bridesmaid. We’d been going out almost a year and he did not take me with him… instead he took his sister. It was really weird for all of us. To make things weirder, he fell further and further out of touch with the couple who was having the wedding. 

In sum, I say don’t invite him at all unless you really want to. If you were "all friends together" now that they’re broken up, you may fall out of touch with him. It’s not like you’re choosing sides, but maybe that’s what it is. 

Post # 7
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

You said that her ex isn’t that close to you?  But is he very close to your FI?  If he is a close friend one of the two of you want there,  Ithink inviting him would be fine, with a date.  After all she has a boyfriend again, and was the one to dump him, originally.

However, if neither of you arethat close to him, then I would simply not invite him.  I wouldn’t invite him without a plus one.  Guys aren’t usully as sparked by weddings as girls.  Do you think he wouldn’t care too much? 

Is he one in a circle of friends.  And all of the other friends are invited?  That could be tougher.  Are you still close to/hang out with all of those folks?

Post # 8
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

You mention that your bridesmaid is dating someone new…is she bringing him as her date?  If she is, then I think the ex-fiance definitely gets to bring a date too!  If she’s not bringing him, you can just try explaining to the ex-fiance that the venue only allows x number of people so you have had to limit the guestlist.  If it’s that uncomfortable for him, he may just politely decline the invitation.

Post # 9
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I would either invite him with a guest, or not invite him at all. If you are not really that close with him, I would lean toward not inviting him just to avoid the heartache. But your friend, even though she is very close to you and a bridesmaid, should not get to dictate the guest list.

Post # 11
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My advice would be not to invite him. He will understand. 

My fiance would have loved to invite his best friend/groomsman’s ex-girlfriend to our wedding.  As they all grew up together.  However, we felt it would be a source of tension and worry that we did not want on our wedding day.  His groomsman is now engaged and the ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend.  I love the ex-girlfriend, but I know how his current fiance is so jealous.  Why cause ourselves that stress and worry?

I think the ex-girlfriend understands and we will hang out with her separately after the wedding.

Good Luck!!   

Post # 12
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with some of the other posters- either invite him with a date, or don’t invite him at all.

If he’s not that good of friends with you, then don’t worry about it and don’t invite him. If he asks you about it you can explain that you didn’t want your friend to be upset.

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