Post # 1
I’ve been trying to hash this out in my head and I just can’t come to a solid decision.
I have always wanted to take my husband’s name since I was little, but now that I’m faced with the reality, I’m having doubts and I can’t believe it. I really like my last name. It’s simple, there’s really only one way it can be misspelled and it’s alliterative with my first name. It’s an Old English name that hails back to my ancestors in Britain. I do have only sisters so if one of us does not keep our name, the line won’t continue.
I love Fiance very much and want to take his name as we become one, but…FI’s last name is of German origin and I don’t feel a connection to it at all.
Fiance is a III, so there’s also that to consider. His grandfather is ailing and Fiance says he can’t imagine changing his name as his grandpa is the first and he doesn’t want to hurt him. But, we’ve already decided against making our hypothetical future son the IV in that line…so it’s just about Fiance not changing his name.
I also can’t imagine not having the same last name as my husband and children.
Hyphenation would look really, really weird.
I know a name shouldn’t be that important…but it’s part of my identity. I really have backed myself into a corner, haven’t I? Help.
Post # 3
You have forever to change your name… don’t do it until you feel you are truly ready to, and of course, that you want to.
I threw the idea around about hyphenating as well, only because I am a professional…I’m a teacher, so I’m just so used to being Miss my-maiden-name..
But I ended up getting sick about 6 weeks ago, and my husband was there for me every second of every day.. What he did for me and how he treated me made me love him even more than I knew I already did… At that moment, I knew he was my #1…
So once I was better, I went to the SS office, got myself a new SS card, and am happily waiting for it in the mail.
Post # 4
You know it didn’t phase me at all….maybe I’m a little old fashioned but in spite of my career being heavily associated with my maiden name and the fact that it sounded great, I had no problem changing it….I liked the idea of us being on the same team.
Post # 5
My last name is a dying last name–my sister and I are the last ones with it. My sister always says she’ll go with the name that sounds the best with her first name, so there’s a good chance that she won’t keep it. Me, on the other hand, feel that my name is part of my identity as a person and can’t imagine changing it. My finace doesn’t want to change his name either (although I’d never ask because I’m not willing to change mine).
As for if we have children, well I’m trying to get him to let them have my last name. I mean, it is a dying last name and he has a half-brother and a male cousin to carry on his last name. Or at least, that’s what my argument is.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I’ve been thinking about this too. My name is fairly long and is separated by a space. Hyphenating my name with FI’s would look odd, IMO. Also, I don’t care much for his last name (I feel guilty thinking that way, but I don’t really like it). 🙁 So, I think I am going to make my last name my middle name (since I don’t have one). That may still look odd but it’s the best I can come up with at this point in time.
Post # 7
Don’t change your name if you don’t want to. It IS a big deal — it’s your name. Take your time to think about it. Personally I don’t think it’s a big deal not having the same last name as your husband and/or kids, because it’s getting more common in the US for husbands & wives to have different last names. Just think about what you want and don’t feel pressure to do anything…
Post # 8
What about both without the hyphen? You can either use your maiden as your middle or just have two last names (or two middles, I’m not sure exactly what it would be legally). My fiance and I are both doing this, and we will go by both as last names, but you wouldn’t even necessarily have to go by both if you decide you just want to use one, but then you will still have the connection to both.
For us it basically came down to that he wanted us all (we have a 5 year old daughter) to have the same name. I had planned on not changing mine and just being different, but it was important to him so he decided that if I was willing to take his, he was also willing to take mine. So we are all First Middle Mine His. Most people assume it has a hyphen but for some reason he is very anti-hyphen so for us it’s just two last names.
Post # 9
Would you consider using your last name as your middle name? Or having one legally and just using the other? I haven’t changed mine yet legally (I will when I get around to it), but I’ve started going by Mrs. HisLast with my students and my e-mail. So for now it feels like I have both names.
Post # 10
I could definitely consider using my last name as my middle name. But if I did that I’d feel like I was giving up my lovely middle name. I’d still know it though, so this is the option I’m leaning towards at this point.
Fiance has not pressured me in any way, although I can tell he’d prefer me to take his name. He hasn’t said so and has been completely supportive, but I know him pretty well and I can read him.
For reference, here are two names similar enough to ours that you can use for reference. Let’s say my last name is Green and his is Kleiner
Can you see how Green-Kleiner or Kleiner-Green look awkward together? Or is that just me?
I like to think that I’m very independent and that if I did keep my name, I’d be happy with it. But then my mind goes back to that Scrubs episode where Carla tells Turk she wants to keep her name, and he says “That’s fine baby, we’ll just be one of those modern couples who don’t love each other!”
LOL… obviously I do not feel this way… It just keeps popping up in my head. If you’re not familiar with the show, please forgive the reference. 😛
Of course on the other hand, if I changed my name, I could see myself looking back in 20 years and maybe not regretting it, but feeling some remorse.
I have almost a year to decide. Maybe I’m just panicking because I’m finally in full planning mode. It’s not something I’d considered much before; we’ve had a long engagement.
Post # 11
I really think that its a big choice and one that you have to be ok with. I plan on changing my last name but its because I have one of the most generic madien names and my whole life there was a list of people with the same last name as me. My Fiance name is unique and I can finally have some thats diffrent!
Post # 12
For me, that was something not at all up for discussion. I will always be Dr. MyLastName. My name is “dying” as well as I have 3 sisters and my father was the only boy, but I don’t feel a need to “pass along” my last name. I just feel like I did so much, earned so much with my last name that I don’t want to change it and start over.
However, I find it obnoxious when people correct someone. So socially if someone were to address me as “Mrs. HisLastName” I am fine with it. Funny part is, often when we are together he gets called Mr. MyLastName. We have a lot of laughs over that as well…
Post # 13
Take your time. No need to change it right away, or ever! No need to rush into a decision. Lots of ladies keep their names. My FI’s name is puerto rican in origin, and I am Irish. I understand about the name “not fitting”, and will not be changing mine. 🙂
Post # 14
If you love your current surname there is no need to change it. I have changed to my mother’s maiden name and it was such a long hastley process. Not something I’m willing to do again in a hurry. Even if I had stuck with my father’s name I don’t think I would be taking my fiance’s name. It just doesn’t feel like it could ever be ‘my’ name. My name a dying one, but then again so is his so it’s a moot point.
I don’t see anything wrong with Kleiner-Green/Green-Kleiner. If anything I like how they go. A mix of origins in hyphinated names makes them more interesting 😉