(Closed) I want to keep my name!

posted 6 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have decided to keep mine, although it definitely helps if your guy is on board.  Mine said over and over that he definitely was, then when we were applying for our marriage license I noticed him sort of wince.  When I asked him about it he said that he was 95% okay with it.  That made me feel a little bad, but I’m still keeping it!  It’s just what feels right for me, and I have always believed in trusting those feelings.

Post # 4
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@weddingstress:  That’s a tough one. I would try explaining to him why it’s important to you that you keep your last name. It sounds like he wouldn’t be comfortable changing his, so why should he expect you to just because it’s traditional? Having a different last name won’t change the fact that you’re a family unit.

Post # 5
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It is your name.  Honestly, in the grand scheme on things you name doesn’t really that much.

Post # 6
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@weddingstress:  I don’t have any advice, just stay strong and keep the lines of communication open about the topic. Maybe the kids could have a hyphenated last name?  We have a few students at school with hyphenated names. I think it’s becoming more common.  ~ My last name is hyphenated.  I told Darling Husband it was for business reasons since I do some private therapy in the area and wanted to keep my “familiar” name out in the community.  However, I also wanted to keep my name for more personal reasons (i.e. I married at 39 and didn’t want to get rid of it after all of those years). 

Post # 7
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@weddingstress:  I think you should stick to what you want, I think he will get over it eventually. 

Post # 8
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m keeping my name, and Fiance is fine with that. I’m published and catalogued under my name, and known professionally, so it would be idiotic in my career to change. BUT, I’m totally fine being known socially by his name, and when we’ve gotten wedding gifts and cards and things addressed to “The Future Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname,” I thought it was nice. 

Don’t change your name to please someone else. It would be pretty hard to change it back if you regretted it.

Post # 9
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Keeping your name is not the wrong decision. It’s becoming more and more common for women to keep their names when they get married, even if they have children. I have married friends who couldn’t wait to be “Mrs. Hislastname,” and others who had no interest in changing their name. I don’t think you should change it unless it is something you truly want to do and are excited to do. 

If you are looking for some good arguments for why you want to keep your own last name, read this article: http://bitchphd.blogspot.com/2010/05/against-name-change-polemic.html If your Fiance is worried about what other people will think, the arguments in that piece might help him feel more comfortable with it.

Post # 13
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

It’s nobody’s business but your family’s why you decided to keep your name – but when you meet a nosy person, having those things up your sleeve may make you feel more confident 🙂

Post # 14
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am keeping my name and I am broadcasting it. I like my name and I am proud of it. It is great way to honour my father who has passed, and it is who I have been for a long time. It is your choice (and hopefully with support;).

Post # 16
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Do you really want to marry a man who makes ultimatums over a NAME change? He’s willing to have kids with you but not marry you? Sorry, it sounds like he’s grasping at piss poor excuses here.

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