(Closed) I want to keep my name!

posted 7 years ago in Names
Post # 17
Member
4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@weddingstress:  Seriously?  Did he have any logical explanation for his statements or were they in the heat of the moment?  Is this something that just needs a cooling down or sinking in period? 

Honestly I think that name changing is kind of silly (unless you want to).  My names been mine for X amount of years, and it is not 1950, it’s 2012.  We have come a long way from that mentality.  If I want to keep it I shouldn’t get any back-lash for my decission!  For me personally I decided to hyphanate as a compramise because keeping mine was important to me, and me taking his was important (although the only sort of answer has been for our kids..) Our kids can have his last name, he can keep his last name, and I don’t even mind going by his last name socially, just not legally.  The end! 

Post # 18
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

@weddingstress:  That’s horrible. I’m so sorry. Do you think he is really, truly intending to not marry you if you refuse, or do you think he’s just bluffing to force you to do what he wants? Either one is not good, but I think the second one might be something you can overcome…

If my Boyfriend or Best Friend did that, I’d make him go to counseling with me before moving forward with the relationship. Ultimatums that will define your entire future are not healthy.

Post # 19
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009 - Mountain Meadow/Mansion

I think you should do what makes you happy. Darling Husband was big on changing names, but after all of it he admitted he didn’t know why he thought it was a big deal.I kept my maiden as my middle so my name is first maiden married. If we have kids, they will have my maiden as a middle as well:)

Post # 20
Member
3860 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Maybe he’s trying to guilt/threaten you into it? Don’t give in. Hopefully he will calm down and start thinking logically. A name change is NO reason to call off a wedding!!!!!

Post # 21
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@KatyElle:  Totally agreed.

Fiance started out as not wanting to marry ever again (he was divorced once).  Later on he was saying how he wanted to one day have kids with me and buy a house but just in his name because at the time I wasn’t ready to buy one.  I said that ideally I’d like to be married before kids.  He still said he didn’t want to, so I said let me get this straight you want me to have your kids and move in your hypothetical house where I help pay your mortage and you still wouldn’t marry me?  Thats when he realized that he was being silly and couldn’t realistically ask me for all those things but not give me the marriage in return.

What I found funny about that is I told my mom and she said, he wants you to give him all that and he wont give you his last name?  Um what?

Then after saying he would consider mariage, he said I’d have to change my name, that didnt sit well with me especially after I found out that his ex didn’t change her name.  Changing my last name to his wouldn’t make our mariage better than his last!  He eventually stopped being silly about that too altough like a PP said right after we signed the legal paperwork he was like don’t worry about changing your name but maybe when we have kids?  He said that he had seen his SIL go through it and it was such a pain he didnt want to subject me to that if I wasnt enthusiastic about it.

Then the other day he came home and said hes tired of being called Mr. Mylastname. I laughed and he was serious and he’d offer to pay for the whole thing.  When I became unemployed at first he mentioned it too, that I’d now have all the time in the world to do it.  I think hes still being silly and he told me the other night he’d still want me to change it.  I have never gotten a reason behind it, like a real reason not a my ex-wife didnt take my last name either statement.  

I’m sorry that your in this situation and I hope it works out for the best, maybe he will realize he is being silly and that since you have already given him children that bear his name theres no need for you to do that too.

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