Post # 1
I hate that I’m probably the mostly frequent poster in this subforum and probably the most ridiculous. Ok 2 year anniversary is on 21st July- full disclosure is we agreed on proposal by 2 year. We hoped to get married at same place as we plan to celebrate it – wouldn’t that be romantic – a proposal in your planned wedding venue? 😉
It’s now transparent that that won’t be the case 🙁 turns out SO hasn’t paid installments on the ring and has another month’s salary to spend on the ring. Ugh live within your means! Additionally it transpires that he is paying for a 1.02 carat ring… Why? I don’t understand. I can’t really tell the difference in size from smaller rings and that… buying larger rings and having to pay in stages is risky and down right silly . A much smaller ring does the same job.
He still wants it to largely be a surprise but knows I’m really disappointed and sad so is going to try and get it soon. The thing is we have a big trip to NYC next month and he knows I’d prefer to be already engaged for it because I’m seeing all of my old friends so would plan to make it packed with visiting rather than sightseeing because I would want to share my joy with them.
Should I let go and let him propose in NYC? My chest is really tight with expectations and hope . It seems a ridiculous issue but I can’t let go. I even had a countdown calendar to Our anniversary date. My chest is so tight and I can’t sleep. It genuinely is the only thing occupying my mind at the moment which is really unhealthy and obsessive.
I don’t know how to let go of the expectancy and enjoy the present.
Post # 2
becks90 : seriously? I feel bad for your bf. Let it go and stop worrying. He’s buying the ring. Be happy about that and don’t pressure him.
Post # 3
Honey, get off your high horse.
Goodness Gracious. This was the most petty thing I’ve ever read.
Post # 4
i was with my husband 5 years before i wanted to get married. a few more months wont hurt
Post # 5
Show him this thread and let him decide if he still wants to propose.
Post # 6
So he’s buying a ring and didn’t plan well enough to make the agreed upon date. But he is moving toward it.
I get that agreements should be upheld or at least addressed if they’re not going to be or need to be adjusted. Did he come to you to discuss the delay?
why are you so anxious?
Post # 7
You’re going to have to let go of the reigns a little. You’re so obsessed with controlling every aspect that you’re forgetting that your boyfriend is planning on proposing to you very soon! Let him plan it how he wants. You know he wants to marry you. Now it’s time to step back.
Post # 8
Well I for one can at least understand…my mother and aunt is coming to the U.K in a few months and we are having a big dinner to introduce both sides of our family. I really want to announce our engagement at that time when surrounded by all the people I love, because if the engagement happens a few months from now it will be bittersweet (so happy to be engaged to him but sad to have to announce it over a phone call instead of in person). I really hope it happens when we vacation right before the big dinner but I have no guarantee. The positives here are you know it’s coming he is paying off the ring so just focus on that and you will survive a few more months and it will all be behind you and you will be ENGAGED!
Post # 9
Hey, I know how it can feel when you’re SO ready to get engaged and you know it’s coming, and a few more months can feel like forever, because that’s the boat I’m in now! But you really just have to try to relax. Life rarely goes according to plan. I know it feels like hollow comfort when you’re in the moment, but in the grand scheme of things, the extra time won’t matter. And for what it’s worth, an NYC proposal sounds crazy romantic! I would love it!
Post # 10
pawneegoddess : life never goes according to plan..
Post # 11
I think an NYC proposal sounds amazing! I know waiting can have its difficult moments (I was just there) but what’s a few more weeks/months when it’s the rest of your life? If he proposes there, then you can celebrate there with your friends! It sounds like he wants to buy you a really perfect ring and plan a perfect proposal- I know it’s not within the timeline you agreed to, but he’s actively trying to make this happen. It’s not like he’s just ignoring timelines for the sake of it or to just buy time, he seems to really want to make this special.
On another note, it sounds like this anxiety is really controlling your life. Is it possible to speak to a counsellor and maybe sort out where this anxiety is coming from? It can’t be healthy for you and probably not for your relationship either. We have drop in mental health clinics in my town, is there anything like that you can go to just for now to help sort out your anxiety? Take care of yourself Bee and try to refocus (I know it’s easier said than done). Best of luck xx
Post # 12
People on this forum can be mean, harsh and just plain unhelpful.
Take a deep breath. I feel like you may have anxiety in general and this proposal is where your anxiety is centering around. When you feel your chest get tight, breathe in deeply and breathe out slowly. You are working yourself up. If this anxiety is really affecting your day-to-day consider seeing someone? It doesnt have to be a big deal but you can get pointers on how to deal with this anxiety and obsession by a professional who knows what they’re doing. If your car wasnt running correctly you’d take it to a mechanic, right?
You can learn strategies that will help you in all areas of your life. If you really do have anxiety, after the proposal it could become about something else. You need pointers on how to cope with it.
Post # 13
Honestly, I knew my Fiance had bought the ring. I was still VERY anxious not knowing when the proposal was coming. I’m a hardcore planner, my Fiance is not but he gets that it makes me feel anxious when I can’t plan things. He’s my balance! I totally get why you would be upset about it. It sounds like he is focusing on the wrong things, like spending more on the ring than he can afford. I would be upset about that too. I like my ring but it is way less than what my Fiance could afford, and I’m very happy about that. Neither of us are fancy and we don’t like to spend a lot of money on things not super practical. I don’t really have any advise, but I can totally understand where you are coming from.
Post # 14
People all the time push forward to the next thing…engagement, marriage, kids, etc. Enjoy what you have in this moment. So many people keep on wanting the next thing and the next thing and pretty sure they are wishing their entire lives away. Engagement is a fun time, but it isn’t the end-all be-all the people seem to think it is. It is another step in the relationship, that’s all.
Post # 15
At least you’re self aware.
Why can’t you still visit your NYC friends and share your joy? I mean, you already know you’re about to be engaged soon. And did you plan your whole trip around showing off your ring to friends in NYC? That part wasn’t clear to me.