I want to let go of the waiting anxiety

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

If you’re more into getting engaged on time than getting a ring during the engagement, then he should propose with a placeholder ring. Then you can get the real thing later. ๐Ÿ˜ Geez. Guys and girls, y’all make it so hard on yourself. I’ve seen so many posts on weddingbe about girls waiting for the guy to get the ring before the proposal–guess what?! HE DOESN’T NEED A RING TO PROPOSE. 

Post # 18
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think the best thing for you would be to get off of here. Don’t think about engagement. Focus on yourself and doing things that distract you and make you feel better. Focus on your soon to be fiancé and letting him know you love him. Focus on your excitement for seeing your friends when you go to New York. Don’t think about engagement at all. Just love your life as it is before it changes.

Post # 19
Hostess
8759 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

becks90 :  Big deep breaths honey, you know it is coming, it is all just a matter of when, which is more than some bees know! I am a planner so I would be feeling anxious about the trip to but please just remember he loves you and is planning on asking you to be his wife.

Post # 20
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m in a similar boat to you, our timeline was that he would propose around the 2 year mark (which will be November 15th) but now he’s saying that it might not happen at that point. Even though he has the diamond and we’ve looked at settings and he knows what I’d like. But my advice to you is just chill, he’s paying for the ring, he wants to marry you and he’s working on it. Just because it isn’t happening on your time doesn’t mean it won’t happen at all or that it will be any less special when it does happen. Just relax and trust him.

Post # 21
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

Honestly I think you’re going to regret wishing this time of your life away. I know the waiting sucks as I have been there, but looking back I wish I had enjoyed the ride. I’m super type A and was down in the dumps just like you are right now and constantly expecting the proposal and being on my toes waiting for it and being disappointed when it didn’t happen. Granted I wasn’t controlling the proposal/getting as much info on the ring as you are, but when the moment came and he proposed I was not 100% surprised. I didn’t know it was happening that day, but as soon as he went to grab the ring from his car I had a feeling. Proposals are meant to be romantic, men want to swoop you off your feet and surprise you. Cut him a break, knowing he has the ring and is working toward it should be enough for you to relax a little and enjoy the ride ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe try to focus on other things like exercising to get in wedding dress shape or other little details of planning to get your mind off things.

 

PS. Now that I’m engaged I SO wish I could go back to that moment where he proposed! I love to replay it in my head. I wanted it to happen so badly that I almost feel like I wished it away.

Post # 22
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Just enjoy life, christ lol. It’s great being married but it’s not all that different for most people. You may regret wasting your days worrying about getting engaged instead of living in the moment and enjoying your relationship day to day. You know he’s going to propose so it’s all good. Live for today not tomorrow.

Post # 23
Member
5882 posts
Bee Keeper

ellsiepig :  This. 

Waiting can make some of us pretty batshit ๐Ÿ™‚ Especially the over-thinkers, the planners etc. So if you feel like the most ridiculous Bee, that’s only ’cause you’d have to scroll down a fair bit to see my ridiculousness tongue-out  (((((hugs)))))

Don’t ask him leading questions though- do I need to get my nails done? I don’t like hints myself, I’d prefer someone straight out asked me what was on their mind. 

Either try to get yourself psyched for the NYC trip or be honest with him and tell him getting engaged on your anniversary* means more to you than having the ring and tell him you’d be fine with a stand in ring or no ring at all. 

* this is what they’d originally agreed on and planned, so of course OP was excited for this and is feeling impatient and disappointed. Think some Bees are being too harsh on her here. 

Post # 24
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee

In this case I wish you could hear my voice and not just read text (read in firendly, calm voice:) So you are getting really worked up over waiting and it is not normal. Not to the level that you are posting about. Do you have a professional you can talk to? I know bees always say “therapy” but if your stress level is this high maybe you need real help dealing with your stress in general. Not just internet help. 

Post # 26
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

I understand you are anxious, but it is comforting knowing that the ring has been picked and it’s being paid off. Have you thought of helping with the payments so that you can have it sooner? After all, it will be your ring. There are plenty of bees here that have contributed to their rings.

 

The other idea for the proposal itself – the ring, – is to get a stunt ring or no ring and still propose, if you want it just so. A ring isn’t necessary for the moment, it’s the words… those darned words will make you cry and so happy.

 

Also, think about having him propose during your trip. The reason I mention this is that it seems that your trip is jam packed –  – which is great to be able to celebrate with loved ones; but I remember that right after my proposal I really didn’t want to take time away for other people. Just wanted to spend time with him and celebrate our time and moment together. I know that you have your heart set on this, but it’s just something to think about.

Post # 27
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

Bee, your SO genuinely sounds sincere. I know waiting is hard but he’s probably planning to propose in NYC and knows how he’s going to do it already. 

Im still waiting, 7 months after the set timeline has passed. Three years of waiting since we went to look at rings together. Breathe bee, you can get through this.

waiting is hard but I know I’d rather be proposed to on a trip rather than at home. Just makes it so much more memorable! x

Post # 28
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

It definitely sounds like you have anxiety (believe me, I’ve been there). One thing my Fiance told me and still constantly tells me is that I think too much from a logistical and practical perspective of how everything needs to be done in a particular order and timeline. For example, small thing: I didn’t realize for a long time that people did their nails before expecting a proposal. I trained myself to get over it. But then, it just so happened to work out that my Future Sister-In-Law is more girly than me and ‘tricked’ me into going to the salon with her and her friend the day before (bless her soul! She’s great haha) without me suspecting a thing. But even if that didn’t happen, I still would have been okay with not having nails – if anything else, I could always take photos the next day. I wasn’t even wearing anything nice when he proposed and my hair was gross and oily and messy. And the band size was WAY off and I was stressed because I ws in the middle of moving apartments that week. But it was alright because of how happy the entire atmosphere was – try to get it instilled in your head that every day is a learning process and every day is an opportunity to better our mental health ๐Ÿ™‚

All the best becks! I know how much you want this, but make sure you don’t lose yourself or your relationship magic in the process of waiting. At some point things just happen when you least expect it, which is super cliche sorry, but it’s true.

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