(Closed) I want to marry him, but think I need to walk away. Please help.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Believe him when he is showing you who he is. He won’t marry you. Mature men who have interest in marriage don’t behave that way.

Post # 3
817 posts
Busy bee

I’m going to tell you what I tell everyone in these situations: Find someone who truly values you as a person, who can’t wait to marry you. But first, leave this bum and take good care of yourself. You deserve better!

Post # 4
6237 posts
Bee Keeper

He doesn’t want to marry you that’s clear. Do you want to stay with him and forget being married?  It sounds like his screaming at you isn’t conducive to a happy relationship.  

Post # 5
3416 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t stay with this guy just because dating sucks.

Post # 6
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

He is telling you everything you need to know. He will not marry you and has no intention of marrying you. Walk away now. He isn’t lying to keep you around; you are lying to yourself.

Post # 7
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

Consider NYC a blessing! Dating can be miserable, but you’ve got the biggest pond! You will absolutely find someone who treats you the way you deserve (hint: this guy isn’t doing that!)

Post # 8
93 posts
Worker bee

Don’t waste your time on a man that calls you names.  That is not what you deserve.

Post # 9
11 posts

I would have been understanding if he would talk through his reasons for not wanting to get married yet and wait…2 years isn’t a super long time to wait.  However, the fact that he yells and gets mean and treats you poorly when it comes up is inexcusable.  You want to marry someone who is a good person and can handle conflict and will talk through your problems as a couple. 

Post # 10
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I wasin a very similar place less than 2 years ago, bee. I was dating a verbally abusive alcoholic and was 33. I was tempted to “settle” for him because I wasn’t sure if I would find anyone else. I finally decided I had had enough and I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. I ended it and a month later (minus 4 days) I met my fiancé. 

You deserve better.  It’s one thing to be unsure, it’s another thing to be unsure and mean about it.  

Post # 11
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Even if he does want to marry you, do you want to marry a man who calls you names and screams at you when you try to discuss your future together? Where is the open communication, the honest discussion or the partnership in that?

Post # 12
1008 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like he’s been telling you the truth – he’s not ready, he’s not tuned into himself enough to know why, and he’s showing you his true self when you’re fighting. 

You deserve someone who loves you, wants to marry you, and wants to have kids with you, and you can definitely find that in the city! I live in NYC and I met my guy, and although we’re CFBC, we are so, so happy together. It’s possible, and although I had a lot of *first* dates, it worked out.

Long story short, you might have a lot of first dates, but you’ll find the right guy 🙂

Post # 13
4839 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Nope. Name calling and yelling are deal breakers. Flush this one.

Post # 14
1260 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
janiejones :  His words and actions are telling you he is not interested in marriage. I can understand why you want to see hope, and how you must feel right now, but I think that he’s being clear.

You’re not the first or the last person to feel this way. I understand from first-hand experience how daunting it is to think about dating again when you’ve spent so much time building a relationship with someone you love. But there’s a whole world out there.  I don’t think staying with this guy is going to leave you happy, bee.

Post # 15
4326 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

Im sorry OP, a man who refuses to discuss pertinant future plans with you, then yells, calls you names, tells you to shut up or screaming “I will never marry you” is not worth another moment of your time. Thats absolutely horrifying. I cant imagine experincing an SO treat me like that and it not altering the way I feel about him. Thats verbal abuse and its not OK. He’s showing you exactly who he is, and you need to believe him. I’m sorry that dating in your area is so hellish, but sounds like a marriage with this man might also be not so great. Find a man who values your feelings, can have rational discussions when he’s uncomfortable and respects you. 

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