- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
We’ve been married about two weeks and we’re just back from a wonderful honeymoon in France. I couldn’t be happier about us being married, but I have a hard time dealing with some of the things that happened around the wedding. I hope you bees will be able to provide me with some good advice on how to proceed from this point forward – so what happened (sorry that it’s so long!):
2nd of August: Set up day at the reception site. Through it all, mum was MIA and dad got more and more agitated and bossy. He was ordering everyone around, wouldn’t give me a moment to sit down and have dinner and eventually told DH things was badly managed and left. In the middle of this, we were informed that DH parents flight from London to Stockholm was over booked and that they’ve been cut… Everyone panicked, the hunt for new tickets started and I was left doing the last 3 hours of set up alone. DH and I finally made it back to my grandmothers house at 1 am, only to discover that my family had locked the house and that we had to make our sofa bed from scratch.
3rd of August: I woke up by my family arriving for breakfast at 7 am, I felt like a total wreck and no one was really talking to me. Finally I left for the hairdresser – which turned out to be a disaster. Instead of getting the up-do I wanted in 1 hour, as estimated, I got something completely different in 3 hours… Rushed back to grandma, where no one told me I looked nice, but that I had to hurry. My dad took me to the wedding party meet up in compact silence and when we arrived he told me that I wasn’t allowed to leave the car as “it was enough of an ordeal to get you into the car in the first place”. I wanted everyone to be happy that day, but apart from playing with our flower girl, dad was just in an incredibly foul mode.
4th of August: DH and I spent the night in my family cottage. At 11 am, mum picked us up and took us straight to the reception site for clean up. Everyone was tired and tense, so I asked DH to go and wrap my little brothers birthday presents in an upstairs room as I figured it would be easier if we wouldn’t have to deal with language difficulties. Apparently, my family took that as him not wanting to help out and, before I realized my mistake, dad declared that he was no longer on speaking terms with DH. When I tried to discuss this with my mum, crying, I was told “You’re never satisfied”.
Night between the 4th and the 5th: After a lot of crying, the evening ended in my family cottage with my brother, DH, our two bridesmaids and the toastmaster. I stayed in the cottage with one bridesmaid, the rest were in the sauna/goofing around in the lake. Around midnight, the bridal party came back in and we chit chatted for 20 min before they left. 10 minutes later I asked DH to check in on my brother, I hear DH walk out and call his name, no answer, DH screams louder, still no answer… I get up and run out into the night, my little brother is no where. At this point it’s close to 1 am, it’s dark, there’s no cell phone reception, it’s 30 min to the closest town, my little brother has been drinking beer all day long and all I can see is this huge big black lake stretching out in front of me… I panicked, it was the worst moment in my life – I cried, screamed until my voice cracked (it was busted for almost a week after), DH sees something in the water and jumps in, only to get a panic attack in the water (he’s not a strong swimmer). I jump in, get him up, try to feel if my brother is somewhere close to the dock using my legs against the muddy bottom of the lake… Water gets too cold, I get up, gets DH to get into the rowing both with me – I’m rowing and hyperventilating, he’s looking into the water with his flashlight… then we hear a sound on the road. Turns out my drunken little brother had decided to swim across the entire lake without telling anyone, now he’s running down the road all naked and happy because he made it. I’m besides myself, and then he gets angry at me because I’m over reacting.
5th of August: My 30th birthday, and I feel hollow like a shell – totally emotional drained. Didn’t even care that dad didn’t talk with me. I honestly don’t remember much of this day. I do remember opening the wedding gifts though, and realizing that DH parents didn’t even give us a card… Awful moment when I saw my DH face…
Today: So, the plan was to spend time with my family in Sweden after the wedding. However, I decided to return to Canada with DH. I’m just not sure how to deal with my family after everything that went down around the wedding. Do I talk to mum and dad about this or will that just make everything worse? Do I tell my brother again that he scared the life out of me and that I can’t believe he reacted to my fear and tears the way he did? I love my parents and had not seen this scenario in a million years – I still feel absolutely lost and I guess a little in chock… I have got a few emails from my dad afterwards and I start to get the idea that he’s perhaps not angry with me and DH, but rather at DH family as they never contacted him about the costs for the wedding (my parents payed for the reception). Dad seems to think they should have offered to share the costs with him, and the fact that they never brought it up is apparently making him furious. If so… I can’t come up with any way to make it right in that sense either! I mean, it’s not like I can magically make my husbands parents write dad a cheque! Argh… Any word of advice or, as usually when I’m upset – any cute kitten images to make the worst pain subside?