(Closed) I want to move on from the wedding – but I'm not sure how…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
6117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@eocenia:  You look beautiful!  Cannot wait for the recap photos!  Your mom is cute in her traditional Swedish attire.

Total side note, my Mother-In-Law is of Swedish decent.  Her house is all things Scandinavian (FIL’s parents are from Norway).  We were all on vacation on an island in Washington and she found a National Swedish Costume Day collector’s plate by Rörstrand in a little thrift shop for $2.  She was thrilled.

You know, we’re coming up to our 1 year anni and I realized I am still holding grudges against my mom and sisters about my wedding.  I have never felt so unloved by family in my life (well maybe during the other time I got married, kind of similar).  So it might take a while to heal from this.  I just don’t know where that leaves me and what kind of relationship should I have with them. 

Post # 18
Member
4690 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I read through some of your earlier comments because I remembered you were the girl with the GORGEOUS hand-made invitations we all helped you with. Sounds like your dad might have been grumpy about the whole venue thing? 

I can’t believe no one told you looked gorgeous. Well, you did!!! And I’m sure your Swedish wedding was very memorable to all who came!!!

Post # 19
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@eocenia:  What were some of the moments of the wedding that you loved? Even if you can think of one thing that was awesome.

http://www.catster.com/files/post_images/5cc97cf12936febef51bde314aaf7f8b.jpg

 

Post # 21
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yes, do give yourself some time to recover. Try not to dwell on everything that went wrong and relish the GOOD memories.

Post # 22
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Post # 23
Member
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so sorry your wedding week was such an emotional roller coaster! It’s not fair, we try so hard to have a great day and do so much planning and when it doesn’t go well it really sucks. I would probably have a conversation with my famliy about how out of line I felt they were but I’m a very direct person. NOt everyone can do that or wants to. Whichever way it all works out I wish you the best!

On a high note I’m off to France myself on Sept 21st and have yet to figure out what I”m doing so if you feel like sharing your knowledge I’d love to hear about your trip!

Post # 24
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Time is the best doctor my beauty. At least you looked gorgeous on your wedding day.

You know your family best. If the discussions would be productive, I think you should talk to them. However, if they are irrational and angry it would probably just worsen the situation.

I’m glad that you had a wonderful honeymoon after all that terrible stuff.

My engagement and wedding was terrible but my husband and I had a good honeymoon.

We are renewing our vows in a couple of years.

Post # 25
Member
6117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@eocenia:  Ugh!  So sorry!  I agree, make changes that you want for now.  Oops – Finnish and her wedding dress!  So glad you got the France trip afterwards – so lovely!

 

I did see my family 5 months after (I flew there alone).  NO ONE asked me about the wedding, the trip.  Nothing. And it was the first time they saw me in person as married.  Odd?

Then my mom flew here 3 months later.  She saw my dried bouquet and my something old and blue on my nightstand.  She’s like, “I had no idea you did any of that stuff.”  Well duh, you could not discuss wedding without saying something rude!  And there were photos of these in the photo album I gave you???  She asked if we were having our anniversary party so the families could fly in and meet. I said how would I get you all here for a party if I couldn’t get you here for a wedding?  She was like, “Um, you eloped?”  I said we eloped because you all gave me excuses on how you were not able to come out!  Did you forget that horrid drama already?  I did not.

Then my sister came here last month and it was the first time she saw my H for the first time as her official Brother-In-Law.  Nothing!  I casually mentioned – hey isn’t the first time you saw Erik since the wedding?  She’s like no, I saw him at dad’s funeral.  I said we were not married yet.  Her reply, “Oh well weddings aren’t that big of a deal to me.  They don’t mean much in my eyes.”  Ok then; I guess I should not have expectd much else.  Erik was very upset by this.  But good thing we did our Plan B because we saved money on people who didn’t care!

Post # 27
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

First, you looked absolutely wonderful! You and your new husband look great together. I am just echoing others on time. Time is the best answer. The last time I had a stew between a family member and I, time helped. I had to make some excuses (“work is quite busy right now”) but it helped.

Post # 28
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I was waiting for your update because from your previous posts I ascertained (1) that our dads are very similar, and (2) because you also had to organise your wedding from a distance, which is DIFFICULT because you have to rely on people to help you settle arrangements!

I’m sorry to hear that there was some drama in the days of and after your wedding – you know, there are always people who forget it’s YOUR DAY and they should really just suck it up and at least pretend all is peachy to avoid upsetting you. My dad was also a bit of an a*s on my wedding: now I’m also having trouble dealing with his behaviour and how he acted (I even yelled at him after the reception).

Maybe because I’m also annoyed with some family I’m not the right person to give any advice lol, but I do have some things I’ve been thinking of that maybe you might find at least a little helpful:

1) Accept things about people you can’t change and distance yourself from them. Some people, family or not, will still think about themselves first and not bother to modify their behaviour for your benefit. This is something I’m trying to accept about dad and a cousin of mine and am distancing myself from them because I think, if they can’t behave or be nice to me on my wedding (and I was very relaxed with arrangements and putting in what made others happy) then what will they be like on normal days? I’m not saying not to talk to dad anymore, not at all, but maybe try to limit his access to helping organise things in the future? πŸ˜‰ However, perhaps MIL’s impact could be minimised as much as possible (she sounds really difficult!)

2) Try to focus on all the good points and positive feedback you got from people! I’m sure your wedding was 99% perfect and no one even noticed your dad’s grumpiness or your MIL’s behaviour. Plus, with your photos it will only show the “highlight reel” anyway so hopefully when you look back in 20 years you’ll forget the bad things. πŸ™‚

3) Weddings = major stress. No one told me this in the lead up, but I’m telling all brides now to be prepared for it! lol. Everyone has it and no one (no matter what they tell you) had everything run 100% on their day, or had everyone be nice to them. Remembering this (or trying to at least!) helped me a lot!

4) It seems jumping into freezing lakes in pitch black in Scandinavia is not uncommon πŸ™‚ (I have reports from work mates every Midsummer – thank God everyone is always okay at the end) and, I know this is SUPER difficult, but try to turn your mind away from “what could have been” because it didn’t happen and little brother is okay πŸ™‚

I hope you post a recap because I also remember your shoe saga and I hope everything worked out and you got your high but also dance-able shoes! πŸ˜€

Post # 30
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can’t think of anything to say that other’s haven’t already said, but I wanted to let you know that I love your dress. You looked terrific and it’s so pretty!

Post # 31
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@eocenia:  Yeah, having a wedding isn’t going to magically make everyone in your family get along from now on. If only it were that way :/ With H’s family and my family there have been a lot of ups and downs even since the wedding. I resolved a lot of things with my dad after the wedding and as for the rest of our parents, we’re resigned to the fact that things with them will probably be the same. We care about them but it’s very hard to maintain a healthy relationship with the rest of them.

Your husband is now your family and in my opinion a person’s spouse comes first. Obviously not everyone will think so. If this is truly someone you find joy and comfort with, then at least you are blessed in that department πŸ™‚ I know I’ve been jealous before of other peoples’ good relationships with their parents, but it helps to work on accepting what I do have, both the good and the bad, and especially trying to cherish the good things.

The topic ‘I want to move on from the wedding – but I'm not sure how…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors