(Closed) I want to propose, but I'm terrified.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

You’re too young to understand that marriage at this age isn’t always the wisest of decisions.  I know you think you know exactly who you are and what you want, and you may be right, but chances are, your mind(s) will change dramatically between now and the time you’re 27.   Growing apart is a real risk at this age, and that’s why so many caution you to wait.   It’s not because they’re hatin’.  

Sorry, but if all you want is blind agreement and cheerleading, you may have to look elsewhere. Your relationship on the whole sounds immature (not in a bad way — you’re 21, you’re supposed to be immature) and I’d just have fun until his record is expunged (LOL!) and the both of you hold serious year-round jobs that can pay off any student loans and earn benefits.

In general, men do not like to be proposed to, and if you think he said anything to the effect of “we’re in no rush”, then you need to have a talk with him about how he feels before taking things into your own hands. 

Post # 3
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m unsure what you’re hoping to accomplish by proposing to him. You know that he is not ready to get married, his words and actions tell you that. It sounds like he knows that you do feel like you’re ready to get married, so he knows that if he asks, you’ll say yes. Asking him will only put him on the spot and either pressure him to say yes just to please you or push him away. 

Post # 4
Member
1821 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m 23 and I’m getting married a month before my 24th birthday. My fiance’s brother got engaged to his fiance 7 months before us and his fiance is 22 years old now. Who cares if your young? Young people get engaged all the time.

If he is the man of your dreams and you want to propose to him than I say go ahead and do it. But be prepared that your guy may not be willing to commit right now. Some guys just think marriage is a piece of paper. My guy thinks that but he loves me enough to want to marry me and the benefits it gives him doesn’t hurt either. I was willing to wait until 26 with my guy. How long are you willing to wait if he decides if he is not willing to commit right now?

 

Post # 6
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I definitely don’t agree with the “too young” comments, I turn 23 this year, and SO and I have been discussing marriage for the past 2 years. You can grow apart at any age. That being said, if you are wondering if you’re too young, then yes, emotionally you are.

My BF would have not been happy if I proposed, yours might be okay with it. I personally would not propose without having an actual conversation about it where no one dodges the subject. It sounds like he’s not ready, therefore you both are not on the same page. 

Post # 8
Member
3058 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
between1standa:  When people are telling you that you’re too young to be married, I can bet it is either from experience, or from them caring about your wellbeing.

At age 21, I was 100% positive I was going to spend the rest of my life with my then boyfriend, we had been together for years, and I thought he was the one.  Guess what?  He’s no longer my boyfriend.  And he wasn’t right for me.

5 years later, a handful of relationships later, and I’m now engaged to the most amazing man.  I grew up A LOT in these last few years, figured out who I am and what I want out of my life.

If you are hellbent on getting engaged to this guy, I would encourage you to do a long engagement.  It will give you time to make sure that this is the absolute right decision.

Post # 9
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
between1standa:  I’d try to open up a conversation about getting married again before jumping to proposing.

Post # 10
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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between1standa:  You know deep down that it’s a bad idea, so don’t do it. You’re terrified because your gut feeling is telling you not to do it.

If it’s right, it will happen in the next 3-4 years. Wait it out.

Post # 12
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH

View original reply
between1standa:  What does marriage mean to you? Is there anything you’re looking to gain or change by getting married at this age? 

Post # 13
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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between1standa:  The fact that you are afraid to communicate with the man that you are preparing to spend the rest of your life with is a HUGE problem. I know how that feels, I was afraid to talk to an ex about stuff like that as well. It was very unhealthy and eventually led to him breaking up with me out of the blue because we never communicated. I know you’re probably afraid to ask because you don’t want to upset him or push him away, but if you’re relationship is so fragile that a conversation will break you, then you need to reevaluate putting your energy into that relationship. You should be able to ask about your future and not be afraid of what your partner will do, a strong relationship can survive a tough conversation. 

Post # 14
Member
880 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
between1standa:  I think you should talk to your boyfriend. It sounds like you’ve spoken to your friends and family about this a lot and received a lot of push back. But the person you really need to speak to about this is him. Marriage is a partnership where both partners need to be equals. It sounds like he’s not ready. But it could be because he thinks you’re not ready. And you won’t know until you have that conversation. 

Perhaps he has an idea of when he wants to propose and is just waiting. Or perhaps he has things he wants to accomplish before taking that step (paying off student loans, buying a house, having a full-time job for a year are all popular milestones for example).

If you are in a solid relationship where you both know you love, respect, and cherish each other, getting engaged isn’t going to change this. My advice for anyone (old or young) is not to rush it. If both partners are not 100% ready, it will implode. It sounds like you have a great relationship and I would hate for it to not work out because you pushed for an engagement/marriage too soon. But you won’t know if it’s too soon or if he has goals he’d like to achieve unless you talk to him about it.

Post # 15
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Beach

I’ll be 27 when I walk down the aisle and I feel like in a lot of ways, I’m on the young side. I’ve been to wedding for people in their early 20s and let me tell you that NO ONE KNOWS WTF THEY ARE DOING. 

Wait. See what happens. Allow yourself to change and allow him to change. He may want to go to grad school after all (=$$$). If you change together, you have nothing to fear. If you’re ready to get married NOW, then wait for him to catch up. I will say without a doubt you will be bitter if you’re the one to propose to him (call me a traditionalist, but I think its the guy’s job to do that bit). 

How romantic would it be if you guys wait until you are a little older and for the right moment? 

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