(Closed) I want to say yes to the house—but it's next to a sex offender

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park

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soontobemissescavey:  To be honest, registered or not, there are predators everywhere. If this is the house you want, don’t let him scare you away. The only difference between him and another neighbor is that he has the word “sex offender” tattooed on his forehead.

Actually, I would see it as a positive because since you are informed you know to watch out for him. In any other case, your guard would be down.

Take the house unless it’s going to mentally F you up forever.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by gijanedoe.
Post # 32
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

I don’t even have kids and I would retract the offer.

Post # 33
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

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aussiemum1248:  i dont think the issue is if a kid would wander into his house. I personally would not feel comfortable letting my kids play in the front or back yard by themselves or have my eyes off them for a second. Anyone could come in and kidnap them or video tape them. Just a thought. I just could never feel 100% comfortable in my own home being constantly concerned for my jids safety. 

if theres a way to find out exactly what he did, I would investigate. If it’s just that he had an underage (17) girlfriend than it would be a different story. but good point of other posters stating it would be hard to sell this house as well in the future if he’s still your neighbor. 

Post # 34
Member
7635 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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joco:  No one could jump my fence and kidnap my kids from my back yard without me noticing.

If I was silly enough to let my kids play in the front yard, a bigger concern would be them wandering onto the road and getting hit by a car.

Anyone can photograph or video me or my kids any time we’re out in public.

Post # 35
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m in the camp of at least you have the knowledge about him and can do what you feel is necessary to protect yourself. You could pass on this offer, find another perfect house, in a perfect neighborhood, with non sex offender neighbors and feel safe, but they just haven’t been caught yet. Predators are everywhere, if you know about this one you can protect your children. Abusers are everywhere and most likely the people closest to you. Sucks, but true. 

Depends on how much you like the house. I would let the offer stand. 

Post # 36
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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soontobemissescavey:  He hasn’t changed. And sex offenders are very nice. That’s how they are able to do what they do. But, consider this. In a very small weird way it could be slightly reassuring that you KNOW who is living next door. Many, many of us live next door to sex offenders who just haven’t been caught yet and we don’t know who they are. Kind of jaded, but that’s the line of work I am in. Also, he is possibly on some kind of supervision and will be checked on a lot, so he could on his best behavior. The stress could just be too much for you to really enjoy your house and feel safe, though. Even though I would know the chances of him hurting my child are pretty slim, I wouldn’t be able to get the thought and worry out of my mind. I just went around full circle with that one. Eesh, sorry Bee. 

Post # 37
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee

Retract. 

If your child is molested or preyed on by him, you would never forgive yourself. It could happen anywhere, yes, but I could never KNOWINGLY live next to someone like that if I intended on having babies. 

Post # 38
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Initially, when we were house hunting, this was a big deal to me. As I was researching where registered sex offenders were living within the areas we were looking in, I realized that almost every single neighborhood had at least one. We put an offer in on a house that has a registered sex offender on our street. We got our house, and I’d be lying if I said I could ignore that we have a sex offender. I’m hyper aware when I’m near his house. Like PP’s have said though, I’m glad I know he is there, rather than finding out because something happens to someone. 

 

People with criminal histories have to live somewhere. You’re likely to also have neighbors involved with drugs, theft, etc. 

Post # 39
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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soontobemissescavey:  He was 25 when arrested/charged? I’d probably nope the hell out of there.

It is true, however, there are sex offenders everywhere. You might be shocked to see where they pop up if you were to run your current address, your parents’ address, etc, on your state’s database. But having one right next door is definitely creepy.

Post # 40
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

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aussiemum1248:  agreed anyone could video tape anyone at any given time in public but I would personally want privacy in my own house/property. I just couldn’t have that peace of mind. It would always eat at me. And maybe I grew up in a super suburban area where everyone knew everyone and we always played in the front yard and ran through the sprinklers and went to each others house. again, I just couldn’t have that peace of mind to let them out of my sight for a moment. As a parent here’s so much to worry about with kids already. There so many creeps out there that i would want my home to feel at least a little more secure and comfortable. 

Kids go missing all the time and sadly it’s usually by an acquaintance. I’d not be able to take the extra risk. 

Post # 41
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Why are you even considering this?

So much potential danger. Being a pedophile is like being straight or gay, you like what you like, can’t help it!

 

what if he “does his thing” while looking at your kids play in the backyard in the summertime, with very little clothes on, gross! or if he videotapes them? They might end up online on some pedophile community. 

 

And just imagine how traumatic it would be for your children if they would like see him “doing it” in the bushes looking at them Or something. And there is so many way way way worse scenarious that could happen too, it’s insane to even consider this! For a house?! He would be NEXT DOOR. 

 

I would never forgive myself if something happened if I KNOWINGLY chose to move in next door to a sex offender. There are a lot of good people out there. I want to believe that pedophiles are in the minoritey? Id rather live next to a murderer or a drug dealer. if you buy a new house, it’s not a guarantee that there will be no sex offenders nearby, but chances are that there are not. And anything is better than having them next door??? I would NEVER be relaxed EVER, knowing the potential danger is right there watching my babies. I would never let them play outside without supervision. I would feel uncomfortable even then. If someone like that moved in next door, id sell my house.

 

just take the offer back please? Wouldnt you rather live in a less pretty house that is, as far as you know of, child safe!? 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by bibbithebee.
Post # 42
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

Unless there’s acres of land between the homes, I would also retract the offer.

I used to care for 2 young girls and I can’t count how many times they’ve ran around the house butt naked before getting dressed, after bath etc. And there I was, running behind them trying to cover them up and close the blinds! Of course there’s perverts everywhere but I think it would be exhausting to constantly have to worry if this man right next door could see into your children’s room (Or anywhere in the house really).

I think it would be difficult for me to feel comfortable/at peace in my home knowing he’s next door, and that’s not the way I’d want to live. 

Post # 43
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

Like others have said, Id find out more. If youve met him already, im sure you could just ask. He obviously knows people know. Or ask his girlfriend? Maybe they will be defensive,  but maybe if it was a case of an underage girlfriend they might actually appreciate you not being judgemental up front and making the effort.

But,  if its something you will always be wondering and stressing about you need to consider if its worth it. What does your SO think? 

Post # 44
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I think it depends on WHY they are a sex offender… shockingly not all sex offenders have done anything wrong, their was a 16 year old boy near here accused of raping a 14 year old girl and impregnating her and 9 years later she admitted she lied and picked a boy at random to cover abuse from a family member but he will forever be on the sex offenders register because they dont take you back off, also have you ever watched ‘snap decision’ about the mother who lost her small children because she had pictures of them playing in their underwear (classed as child pornography) its based on a real case

however on the flip side I would never want to live next to someone dangerous for my child (saying that I ended up with a violent recovering addict as a neighbor, we already had to get restraining orders so really anyone could move in at any point later)

 

you can research why hes on the list but only you can decide your comfort level

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