(Closed) I want to SCREAM!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

How old is she? I’ve kind of got the same problem with my younger sister who’s 14 and will be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s better now because our wedding is coming up soon, but it’s a pain to get her to do ANYTHING labour-intensive. Have you tried to talk to her? I did that, and it seemed to help a little.

Post # 5
Member
14421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We all want that picture perfect sisterly relationship with our sisters, but the fact is, we are all still individuals and just cause youre sisters doesnt mean your personalities willl mesh and you’ll be best of friends.  Sorry you guys arent closer and things w.her arent more close and fun.

Post # 6
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry this is so frustrating and that you cannot share in the happiness of your day with your sister, try though you may. I feel this way toward my mom. Do you think perhaps that something might be wrong in your sister’s life and that is keeping her from responding to you? What do you think is causing her to react this way?

Regarding the help you need, though, are you wishing to just plow ahead and continue with her as your Maid/Matron of Honor or do you really need a Maid/Matron of Honor who can help you out? If you need help, would you consider talking to her and letting her opt out of the Maid/Matron of Honor role? Perhaps you can talk to her and offer a deadline to get back to you and if you don’t hear from her by that date pick a different Maid/Matron of Honor. That ought to get her to respond. 😉

Post # 7
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am sorry you are going through this. Sometimes people get so busy in their own lives that the barely have time to care

Post # 8
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think the problem may be that it is easy to  judge our relationships with family and others based on what we see in movies etc.

The reality is that there are very few “functional” families.

There is no happy family that lives in a Cape Cod house with a white picket fence.Most of us grew up and still exist in “dysfunctional” families. We have our coping techniques but sometimes they don’t help as much as we want.

The solution may be lowering your expectations so that your sisiter can be who she is- not you trying to fit her into some mold or image of the perfect sister.

Post # 10
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She clearly is not someone who responds to your emails. You can’t change that. You can only change your reaction to her lack of response and involvement with you.

Post # 11
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@julies1949:I agree. Its hard to change a person’s actions, so you will have to change what you do. 

@LaDollyVita:But I know what you mean, this is important to you and your sister is not helping. I am sorry. Can you call her on the phone. I know this is a childish response but can you get your mom involved? Maybe?

Post # 12
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Yea, my sister lives 10 hours away. She is my Maid/Matron of Honor because I love her, and remember the days when we actually spoke to each other. Now we text every few months about random things. But I’ve never had that sister relationship that a lot of my friends have. She facebooked me once to ask about wedding plans and how they were going. I told her a few details and she was like, “Great! Well I know it’s exciting, and have fun planning”. I was satisfied 🙂 I guess the difference here is that I don’t expect her to do anything or help me in anyway. She’s too far away and she has 3 kids to take care of. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not wrong for you to expect your sister to help you or be excited. I just am not disappointed in her because I don’t have any expectations. Sometmes I wish we were closer (physically and emotionally), but you get what you get I guess. I am very close to my brother and mother and so that has been a blessing! Also, my Future Sister-In-Law has been very excited about the whole wedding. She seems to be the only one on his side that asks for details, is planning a shower for me, or cares in general. God bless her! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor too and she lives in Oklahoma, while I live in Iowa. I only get to see her about once a year. She is 10 years older than me. She hasn’t helped me out but that is only because she lives so far. We are super duper close, I just never get to see her. On the other hand my mom lives 20minutes away and we never talk/she never has any interest in my wedding it seems. I know how you feel in that sense. Do you think that you could call her instead of just emailing her so that way she can not just keep avoiding your questions. Maybe you could ask her if she really truly wants to be your moh. If she doesn’t seem to care that much than maybe you could ask a very close friend to be instead. Your sister should understand if you guys are not that close anyway.

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