Post # 1
So I’m getting married in a church and my mother (well, a lot of my family but she’s the most vocal) wants me to have my shoulders covered for the ceremony part that’s in the church. She’d like my shoulders covered at all times but is willing to bargain and allowing me to bare shoulders for the reception if I want to
I REALLY DID TRY to find a dress that had shoulder coverage that I loved. It just didn’t happen. I bought my dress as strapless and even a bolero to go with it but I just DO NOT LIKE the bolero. So that’s been nixed. Now I’m looking into adding straps, but NOTHING I’ve seen added does anything for the dress, it just takes away from it!!!
If only the illusion trend had come out sooner I would’ve had a lot more to choose from back when I was shopping for wedding dresses!~
My hair is going to be down, so shoulders will be pretty covered along with a cathedral length veil.
The cathedral lets me do strapless… it’s my family that’s the problem. I also don’t know where my fiances family stands on it but if they’re hard core there could be some raised eyebrows on his side too. I dont’ know if it’s worth risking it.
They say “It’s your day!” but it’s really not. I swear this wedding is more for everyone else than it is for me… because I’m a people pleaser. I can’t help it.
I don’t want to “shame” my family. (I use that term loosely, its not that they’d be literally shamed, its just that my mom and sister especially REALLY want me to cover my shoulders JUST for the ceremony part)
I want to cover my shoulders too! Really! But I don’t want to look weird. And I’ve spent HUNDREDS in failed attempts to come up with shoulder coverage that works with my dress and have failed miserably and just want to stop worrying about it!!!
What should I do? 🙁
Advice please bees?
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I am totally offended that I can see your shoulder skin. Harlot.
I say if your hair is down, you’ve hit a pretty fair compromise. I never understood the idea that shoulders need to be covered to be modest. Really??
PS you look GORGEOUS!
Post # 5
@AlicialovesJose: I love it w/o straps, it’s your day so wear it the way you want, but if are set on pleasing your family I would talk to a seamstress, maybe they could come up with something similar to an illusion neckline. They can work wonders. 🙂
Post # 6
Post a pic with the bolero. I’m trying to get a lace bolero for my Church Wedding. then taking it off for the reception. funny thing is I’m more modest than my mom is so like to be more covered.
Post # 7
Post # 8
@AlicialovesJose: very pretty dress! I’d just wear it. i have seen people get married in a church without wearing straps.
Post # 9
I know this may sound cliche, but I say this is in fact YOUR day and you should be allowed to wear whatever you want. Your dress is lovely; it’s the type that people wouldn’t expect to see covered because, as you correctly mentioned, that would take away from the dress. Plus, if the cathedral says it’s alright, you honestly have nothing standing in your way.
Again, pardon, the cliche, this is your day, and I’m with you when you say you’re a people pleaser because I questioned myself on whether or not to have a church wedding because my family is the religious type, but when I saw all these gorgeous halls that offered so much more than a church and seperate venue could offer, I made the decision to have it there. Plus an all vegan menu for me and Darling Husband, despite our otherwise carnivorous families!
Anyway, if you and your fiance enjoy the look of your dress bareless, your cathedral permits it, and (maybe, you should ask) his family is okay with the idea, I say go for it. Something for you to remember on the issue with your mother and sister is this: when you’re walking down the aisle to finally say your I Do’s, will they be looking at your tears of joy or your bare shoulders underneath your hair and veil?
I hope that wasn’t too long. Good luck!
Post # 10
@AlicialovesJose: i can see EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIING, so NOT church appropiate… just kiding.
Just wear your dress, it’s lovely and you’re gonna have your hair down 🙂
Post # 11
Your dress looks gorgeous and super classy the way it is!! But if you really want to please everyone, you could just put the bolero on immediately before the service begins, and take it off immediately after. It will be in your ceremony pics, but at least all other photos will just feature the dress the way you love it.
Post # 12
I feel like it’s hard to find boleros for lace dresses, because it’s hard to find something that matches and doesn’t add too much to the dress or take away from it. I understand where you’re coming from, because I haven’t found any really cute boleros either, and straps can definitely change a dress. I would try a simple bolero, maybe satin. Any more lace and you’d have too much going on.
I’m also a major people-pleaser and I feel the same about my wedding as well, that’s it’s all for everyone else. But in this case I’d ignore your mother and sister. If the cathedral is okay with strapless dresses, I think they should take that cue and back off.
Post # 13
I think you look great! I married a pastor, and I wore a strapless dress.
However, to accommodate your family, I think your dress would look beautiful with detatchable cap sleeves made of the same lace as your gown. Can your salon order the lace for you and make the sleeves?
Post # 14
I’m wearing a strapless gown and I’m not so sure it’s going to go over great with my Fiance’s family – but too bad! I love it and my fiance will. That’s all that matters.
You look stunning in your gown! I wouldnt change it!
Post # 15
@AlicialovesJose: My question for you is will you be comfortable standing up at the front of the church with bare shoulders and everyone’s eyes on you even if it was ok with the church?
If you’re ok with that then yes leave your shoulders bare (your hair covers a lot of it really, plus the veil adds a layer!)
But if you are going to be self-conscious the whole time and thinking about what ‘they’ say, then maybe a wrap (pic below) to cover it for the ceremony. But if you really can’t find anything, I agree with PP’s, if the church says it’s ok then it’s ok!
Post # 16
I will be getting married with a strapless dress.