(Closed) I was a terrible MOH :(

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Lol first of all we dont bash on here πŸ™‚ you didnt know. There isnt anything wrong about that. Life throws curveballs. I know I didnt know what to do until about the 3rd wedding I was in, and was older!

Anyway, what do I say to her now that I am engaged? I think that you should write her a letter, if your feeling guilty about it all. A nice heartfelt letter can always mean the world.

Am I wrong for not asking her to be in my wedding? As you have said your relationship has drifted and your not close. Dont feel guilty.

-Or- should I just not bring it up since it was so long ago and just invite her to my wedding?I think and invite to the wedding would be a nice touch. You shouldnt feel obligated for her to be apart of it. If you would like her to be in it, maybe she could do a reading or something like that? You dont have to organise that now, but it could be something you can organise 1 or 2 months out if your still feeling guilty.  As you said everything happened 6 years ago. People change alot in 6 years. Some friends I was with 6 years ago, im not friends with now. If you choosing someone to be in your bridal party. Choose someone who you feel you have a life long connection too. I know I have a few old souls in my bridal party that I feel 10 -20years time we will still be friends and that has made the wedding planning alot easier. anyway it worked for me.

Post # 4
365 posts
Helper bee

Invite her.  She would be more hurt not invited than invited.  And besides, you think of her like a sister.  She doesn’t need to be in your bridal party, but she could come to the wedding right?

You love her, she loves you.  Friends are worth fighting for and communicating with. So, talk to her.  Tell her you are so sorry that you couldn’t organise those things.  Don’t make excuses with her about school, kids, etc.  Just tell her that now you are getting married you are learning about weddings and you’ve found out about these things, and you are so sorry for being such a newbie when you were her Maid/Matron of Honor.  Invite her to have an awesome time at your bachelorette party and shower.  Also, she’s divorced!  Tell her that next time you’ll be experienced and you’ll make it a time she’ll never forget.

Have an awesome wedding!

Post # 5
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

No bashing.  It sounds like you did your best.  I mean first of all, you WERE her second choice.  You DID make it clear to her that it probably wouldn’t work for you and yet she begged and begged so she knew full well the limitations.  She also almost made you pay a lot of money for a dress.  I was very considerate of what my bridesmaids wanted to wear as well as their wallets.  She also told you all you had to do was show up.  So what else were you going to do?  And those ladies didn’t invite you to the other stuff.  And like you said you didn’t know much about weddings so it makes sense you didn’t get much done.  I think you were put in an awkward spot.  Don’t beat yourself up.

Don’t ask anyone into the bridal party that you don’t want to.  If she’s hurt, explain why this is your choice, nicely of course.

Post # 6
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I do think you weren’t a very good Maid/Matron of Honor, but you were probably young at the time and didn’t know any better.  I’m sure you did hurt the bride’s feelings a lot though.  I would not ask this girl to be in your wedding.  She probably would not want to be in it since you didn’t do much for her.  

I’d invite her to the wedding.  I’m sure since it’s been 6 years since her wedding that she doesn’t really think about being in weddings anymore.  She probably won’t care at all that you dont ask her to be in it.  She’d be ok with being a guest I would assume.

Post # 7
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

@amariem25- Your wedding anniversary is my birthday! πŸ™‚


Ok, to reply to the post: You explained to her that you were too busy to take on the responsibilities and she wanted you to do it still. I vote invite her to your wedding, and if you really feel like you need to say anything to her about the past, write her a letter. No need to feel guilty. Water under the bridge right?

Post # 8
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Well if she said you don’t have to do anything except walk down the aisle holding a bouquet of flowers, then there’s nothing wrong for believing her!  I explained to my sister in detail what her duties as Maid/Matron of Honor are going to be, including a shower.  πŸ™‚

I’m actually surprised the sisters threw the shower and bacchelorette party without inviting you.  That just seems weird and I wonder if it was done out of spite for some reason.

As far as arguing over the color of the dress, tisk tisk!  πŸ˜‰  I’m standing up in someone else’s wedding next week wearing a style of dress I would NEVER have picked out myself, but it fits her style and her wedding theme so I will wear it and not complain.

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