(Closed) I was a virgin til my wedding night…

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 108
7368 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@twobecomeone: say things in a forum like “I took the red pill.” , “You don’t get a pass to judge other people by putting it in opinion form.”, “You are living in fairy tale land.”, “That’s just ridiculous.”, “She is judging and punishing her husband,” etc. If you say you took the red pill, does that not imply that I took the blue and live in a fairy tale land, thus implying also that my faith holds no place in this world?  If you say, “That’s just ridiculous,” are you not saying that a person’s beliefs are ridiculous?  And if you say, “She’s passing judgement and punishing her husband,” are you not being judgemental of her?

First of all, your right– we ALL judge. All comments, opinions, etc are in fact some form of judgement. But clearly my red pill comment has touched a nerve and so thats why I’m responding. 

My red pill comment wasn’t meant as an attack on anyone’s belief system. Its simply something that I say in my off board life and usually represents my frustration when someone appears to me to have unrealistic expectations and only wants to believe what they ‘think/see’ is the only reality. On any number of topics on the BEE (especially those that highlight gender roles, sex and the expression of sexuality) some posters just can’t seem to let go of the idea that other people are entitled to behave differently than they chose to. 

For example, I don’t get it when someone is upset to a family member is going to be pregnant around the time of their wedding and they are worried about “spotlight stealing”. Huh? Is the initial feelings wrong, no, humans (especially women planning weddings) aren’t necessarily the most rational at times. And thankfully people can use this forum is place to vent and retreat from the ledge. I see the Bee as a reality check meter. 

I’ll admit sometimes I’m not the most articulate in my responses. I just don’t believe in coddling adult wo/men who seek advice on a public forum. If I’m being silly or unrealistic I fully expect and welcome a slap on wrist of “Hey, bklynbridetobe, like really enough already, get over yourself and btw here is a another POV…”. 

In this particular post, I was not trying to imply that the OP (or posters who choose not have intercourse prior to marriage) that “OMG Is she crazy, most people have sex, get over it!” What IS ridiclous IMO to direct your focus on something that can not be changed. Isn’t better to refocus your energy in a more productive manner that would benefit, rather than hurt a marriage in the long run.

Post # 109
107 posts
Blushing bee

@waxbutterfly: I am a lot like you. I am a virgin and fully intend to stay that way until our wedding night. That’s been extremely important to me my whole life. He was not a virgin when we met, and like you, I was pretty angry and hurt that I’d saved myself for my future husband before even knowing who he was, and that he couldn’t do that for me.

Unfortunately, that cannot be changed, but at least I know it’s the past and he deeply regrets it. It was something I had a LOT of trouble with early on in our relationship, but after many discussions with him and much time gone by, I rarely think about it anymore. Sometimes I think about how he knows how sex feels and I have no idea, and I get all depressed, but not nearly as much as I used to.

I don’t know how long you and your husband have been together (didn’t read all the posts) but I think the three biggest things that help me deal with his past mentally are time, trust, and unconditional love. I trust that he chooses me, that he loves only me, and that our sexual relationship will be amazing despite his past, and I don’t love him any less because of his past.

Also, if you ever feel tempted to use his past against him in an argument, DON’T. Your words are very powerful, and you can never take back what you say.

I’m really glad to see that people (at least the ones whose posts I read) aren’t telling you that you shouldn’t trust him because of his past, like people tell me. Forgiveness is difficult but powerful. I hope I helped! God bless.

P.S. I’ll be the first woman he’s seen completely naked! Laughing

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