(Closed) I was asked to give his grandmother's ring back

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 46
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

I’d give it back. The ring means more to the aunt etc than to you. This is the sort of situation where your Fiance should have just bought a new ring or a cheapie and gone shopping together. 

I do kind of agree that the jewellery should really go to female relatives in the family… But grandma made her choice. Still, I’d give it back. They will resent you over this. 

Post # 47
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t know where this whole tradition of “women get handed down jewelry” comes from.

I’ve known dozens of people who got their grandmother’s or mother’s rings to give to their future wife. It doesn’t make sense to pass an engagement ring down the FEMALE line when the MALES do the proposing.

Post # 48
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
SunnierDaysAhead:  Totally sucking situation but I would give it back too. My feelings would definitely be hurt a little but on the bright side, you are going to get a ring you love.

Post # 49
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would go with whatever Grandma wants. Explain to her that you think the ring is lovely, you appreciate that she thinks highly enough of you to give it, and you would like to wear it on your right hand. Let her decide.

I absolutely despise when the younger generations of a family starts squabbling over the possessions of the older like they already own them.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  pharmy.
Post # 50
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Give it back so someone else in the family can use it. If you don’t like it, it seems like a waste.

Post # 51
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
SunnierDaysAhead:  Just give it back. If it wasn’t good enough to be your engagement ring then don’t keep it for a right hand ring if someone else wants it for their e-ring.

Post # 52
Member
1731 posts
Bumble bee

Can we see the ring first though? Lol

Post # 53
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

personally I think it’s between you, Fiance and grandma. Tell her the situation and offer to give it back. She might insist you keep it, or not. She’s the only one you need to worry about- your inlaws are totally out of line demanding a ring that grandma could have given them if she felt like it.

Post # 54
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

Since you aren’t planning on wearing it as an engagement ring (which was intended) I would give it back. It was a nice gesture, but you aren’t wearing it and someone else might. 

Post # 55
Member
2843 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d give it back, especially since you dont want it as your engagement ring.

 

And i I totally see why jewelry is passed to blood females. what happens if there’s a divorce?  Who gets the ring?  Why take that chance. My Mother-In-Law sure didn’t offer her $60K engagemebt that was her mother’s to my husband to propose to me. It’ll go to my SD, not to me, even though I am her son’s wife. 

Post # 56
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2000

I’m sorry. I’ve followed this and the whole situation just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Your whole proposal has been tainted with BS from start to finish. To be honest, the whole bunch sounds incredibly controlling (including your FI) and I would think long and hard about marrying into it.  That said, I’d give the ring back in a quick minute. 

And I totally agree with the PP who said he threw you under the bus. He most definitely did. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  leahkate.
Post # 57
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

First of all, didn’t he ASK his Grandmother if she had any rings he could have? She didn’t offer him anything, and probably wouldn’t have if he hadn’t asked her. It sounds like she was put on the spot by him, and, like many Grandmothers and Moms might do without thinking, gave him the ring.

So you finally tell him you don’t really like it and he agrees to get you your own. Why then does he feel you should keep the ring instead of returning it to her? Is it valuable or something more than sentimental to him? Something doesn’t sound right with the whole deal.

If the Grandmother now knows he’s getting another ring, she may be embarrassed that you really didn’t like it and she may have told his Mom she’d like it back. My Mom would do something like that to save face, so I can understand why his Mom stepped in to cover for his Grand.

Give it back since it really means nothing to you.

 

Post # 58
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
SunnierDaysAhead:  I honestly don’t see the problem… Other then you need to make up your mind. You didn’t like the ring from the get go and after fighting with your Fiance about not liking it… he agrees to get you a new one. But now that gram wants her ring back you don’t think it’s right? Just give it back… You never liked it.

Post # 59
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
wntrwhte:  I agree. Why should women get all the good stuff? In my family, the guiding rule is equality. If my brother wants a ring more than my sister and I (e.g. because his wife loves it) then he can, as long as he pays or we get something of equal value.

So what bothers me here is that the Fiance seemed to have been given something particularly valuable, and that’s the cause of friction. The Fiance should speak to grandma and offer to return it. Who knows, perhaps she’ll offer something OP likes more.

Post # 60
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
aussiemum1248:  I’m not sure that its particularly valuable as much as the phenomenon of “I want what I can no longer have.” Dollars to donuts none of these female relatives have discussed this piece with grandma in 10 years but now that someone else has it they all want it and it is “owed” to them.

The topic ‘I was asked to give his grandmother's ring back’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors