(Closed) I was asked to give his grandmother's ring back

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 76
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not engaged yet, but am I alone (naive) in thinking that if my SO’s grandmother gave him a ring to give me and he used it to propose with that I would be happy an honored that I was being incorporated into his family and keep my mouth shut if I didn’t think it was my “dream ring”? Yes it would be nice to have a sparkly rock on your hand that makes you go gaga but isn’t it more about the love and committment between you and your SO?

Post # 77
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

SunnierDaysAhead:  

Give.the.ring.back!

I remember your original post about it and you don’t like it! Keep the peace in the family! This is a VALUABLE lesson and you 2 are blowing it.

Post # 78
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee

SunnierDaysAhead:  It’s only wrong because of how it went down. AND now you know how his family feels about you having the ring and yet you still want it. You’re making an ass out of yourself. Trust me, I have an heirloom ERing (from my MIL) and RHR (from my husband’s grandmother). I accepted graciously and let them know how honored I was to have a part of family history. You missed that boat, which is fine. You wanted your own ring in a specific style and now you’re getting that. You can’t compare yourself to the cousins because it just isn’t the same. 

Good job on making the decision to give the ring back. Now work on repairing the relationship with your FI’s family. 

Post # 79
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee

SunnierDaysAhead:  I’m repeating myself, but the reason that Bees feel this way is because the ring wasn’t given to you to wear with no strings attached. It was given to your Fiance to give to you as an engagement ring. If you’re not going to wear it that way, it should be given back.

For the record, my opinion is non-discriminatory and I would give the same advice whether someone is born into the family or marries into it. I would give a ring back to my grandmother who raised me in this sort of situation, knowing full well she would just give it back to me. It’s more about the principle of the matter than it is about whether or not you get to keep the ring IMO.

It does seem like, in this situation, everything would have been fine and your Future Mother-In-Law was going to back your Fiance up on his right to inherit a piece of family jewelry until it was revealed that you didn’t want to use it as an engagment ring. Since the ring was given for that purpose, I think it’s only fair to give it back. The situation is what it is, and maybe it’s not completely fair all around, but there’s not much you can do about that now. All the cards are on the table and, knowing everyone’s feelings on the matter, I think it’s better to avoid family drama than to propagate it.

Post # 80
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

SunnierDaysAhead:  Its wrong because that’s not why you were given the ring. In fact, it wasn’t given to you at all..

It wasn’t a ‘here you go!’ gift.. It was given to your Fiance to use as an engagement ring. Why do you get to keep the ring when you’ve already deemed it to be unacceptable? Its not difficult to see why the family has a problem with this, you were proposed to with something that belongs to their family and you decided it wasn’t good enough for that purpose.. But fine for another?

The major thing you’re missing here is that, you weren’t given the ring to just wear for funsies.

Post # 81
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am probably in the minority here but I still think you should keep it. It may not get its intended use out of it, but it was a gift nonetheless. I think the family is being greedy. It’s not like you hate the ring and will get no use out of it. Plus, if you want to change it up from time to time, you can wear that one instead of the new set you get. There is nothing wrong with having a vision of how your ring is going to look ESPECIALLY when you have to wear it every day. 

IT WAS A GIFT INTENDED FOR YOU.

Post # 82
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

In your first post about th ring issues, you stated that you weren’t “crazy about”* the ring, wanted another one, got into a huge row with your Fiance over it.  And now you don’t want to give it back?  Do you not see how screwed up that is? 

Give the ring back to the Grandmother and consider this a “sign” that the ring was not meant for you whatsoever.

 

Post # 83
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

double post.  Sorry!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Ellicott.
Post # 84
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

spazzychica:  You’d think!

I have a family heirloom from his side and I love it.  It was more than I ever expected.  Even if it wasn’t, I’d still be honored to wear something that has family history behind it.  Something I could pass down to my child …

Post # 85
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

“When all of FI’s cousins got jewelry, none of them was given the pieces with the condition that it be used as an engagement ring/bracelet.”

Your piece was given on that condition, their pieces were not… so what? The ring was given FOR you for this purpose but not TO you in general. That’s the distinction ppl are making. Your actions have consequences. I’d think it’d be common sense to tread carefully where future in-laws are concerned but maybe I’m wrong.

Post # 86
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

 the cousin is also blood related, which means a lot to a family heirloom.  you could divorce him and take the jewelry then theyre screwed for the family tradition.  its not a random ring, its an engagement ring, if you dont like it, give it back and get a new one.  

Post # 87
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

Giving it back is the right thing to do. It was given to you or your Fiance as an engagement ring, you are not using it as an e-ring, therefore they have the right to ask for it back. 

You’re right, the other relatives were blood relatives. That’s different.

Post # 88
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

SunnierDaysAhead:  Give the ring back. This seems to have solved your problem more than anything! They are asking for it back and you are getting a brand new ring. Let someone who will appreciate it have it and then you can get your dream ring!

Post # 89
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would like to ask you as well: If you were to keep the ring, I know you said you’d wear it as a RHR, but would you wear it around his family after all that’s gone down?

I think at this point if you choose to keep it, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Keep the ring and wear it, you offend his family and make them resent you. Keep the ring and don’t wear it around them, and they will wonder why you made the fuss over it.

Post # 90
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

spazzychica:  If you read the first post about the ring, the ring wasn’t exactly a family heirloom. It wasn’t the grandma’s old engagement ring, it was just a piece of jewelry that she had. It didn’t sound like it had a ton of sentimental value.

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