(Closed) I was asked to give his grandmother's ring back

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 106
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

SunnierDaysAhead:  What an odd situation on all parts.  What I’m confused about if the grandmother gave the ring to your Fiance to give to you as an engagement ring, or just a ring to wear.  

I can see how the aunt and grandmother would be upset if it was meant as an e ring.

I wouldn’t want anything with that much baggage.  

Post # 107
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Just give the ring back to your Fiance since you don’t love the ring anyways. I would stay away from family drama as much as possible. After all, this is between the grandma, your Fiance and the family.  I would just leave it to him to deal with his own family drama over a ring…. 

Post # 108
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

Wow, what a saga.

Your fiance really messed this one up.  Usually the giving of a family heirloom ring is socalized with the female members of the family in advance.

My advice – give back the ring, tell your Fiance you want a 6 month reset period, and then offer that he can propose again, with his family’s and your family’s blessing, and with a ring that you choose together.

Post # 109
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

KC-2722:  I don’t think they’re not going to “show” anyone – the aunt said OP was ungrateful, but that even if she had loved the ring and wanted it as her engagement ring, she’d have demanded it back. She then accused OP’s fiance of secretly knowing that the ring had been promised to her, but trynig to sneak it away to OP.

All of that is incredibly offensive, and apparently everyone in the family is in agreement with her to some degree. I wouldn’t go to a BBQ with people who were all gossiping about what a bitch they think I am either.

Post # 110
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

MissesAwesome: “I said I have dreamed of going out with my Fi and picking out a ring together and asked if we could do that“.  That quote was in the OP’s original post in the link below. 

I’d say that is pretty much rejecting the ring she was given, eh?<br /><br />Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-may-have-ruined-everything-by-speaking-up-about-my-ring/#ixzz3Boosd1w4<br /><br /><br />

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Ellicott.
Post # 111
Member
9223 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

KC-2722:  ITA about this being made a mountain out of a molehill. Immediately when this “ring drama” started with the relatives, I would have just handed it back and said, “I’m sorry for any mixup, but since Fiance is getting me another e-ring, I no longer need this. It’s a beautiful ring, so I’m glad that you’ll love wearing it.” The end. None of this, let’s call grandma and see what she thinks, let’s sit down and meet with grandma and see what she thinks, etc. etc. Sure, the aunt doesn’t seem like she’s the nicest person on earth, but I think OP and her Fiance turned this into a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be.

Post # 113
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

Telling your SO you don’t like the engagement ring and want a new one doesn’t mean you get two rings.  This isn’t a two for one sale, give the first ring back and stop making such a big deal out of this.  I know you said you want to wear it as a RHR, but it kind of sounds like you want to keep it because someone else wants it.  SO’s thoughts:  “So wait, she doesn’t like the ring but wants it anyway?  Tell Smog to stop hoarding the treasure.”  Well said.

Post # 114
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

Ellicott:  I think you’re missing the point or reading into it or something?  Either way, it’s not worth us arguing about.

Post # 116
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

SunnierDaysAhead:  Ppl like to talk shit but very rarely are the ppl talking shit actually invested in the outcome. Some of the ppl at the BBQ will have talked about you/sympathized with tbe aunt. They may be somewhat biased against you, but they wont hate you (if they do, they’re crazy). Be dignified, polite, and kind, but you should go. If you don’t, you will be blamed for pulling your Fiance from his family – even if it was his idea. Give the ring back, in private, to his grandmother. Be sweet about it and thank her. The aunt is probably going to dislike you for a long time. Kill her with kindness, never ever talk about her to FIs family. Feel free to be passive aggressive with her.

Post # 117
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

TheGridMonster:  I agree!! 100%. She didn’t want the ring for its intended purpose, she should give it back. Its not worth having drama with your FIs family over a piece of jewlery you didn’t want in the first place!

Post # 118
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Where the hell is it written that only women get family jewelry? As someone with a ridicuous amount of jewelry I will certainly not be giving it all to my daughter. She knows this and is fine with it but she’s not an avaricious a-hole. My son will be getting some of my things, including one of my engagement rings. Who he gives it to is up to him.

OP I am sorry you’re getting such a hard time from your in-laws and now from some of the posters on this site. You never said you hated the ring, you just said you didn’t like it as an engagement ring. I don’t know why that seem to have ruffled some feathers here on a freaking RING board. I don’t know which poster it was who said you’re making an ass of yourself, I couldn’t disagree more. To the contrary your in-laws are the asses, sticking their nose in where it shouldn’t be. But that’s greed for you. 

Post # 119
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

All the other times the family members got pieces of jewelry it was for some significant event (graduation or something like that) so maybe it was this “significant event” was the reasoning and not the idea of actually using it as an engagement ring.

The difference is a graduation doesn’t automatically come with a ring.  An engagement and a ring pretty much go hand in hand.  So I would think it’s obvious that him saying he was going to propse and her presenting him with a ring means that ring was intended to be an engagement ring and not just a “significant event” ring.

Post # 120
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee

doberman: Yeah, that was me. Because I also read the previous post. 

“I didn’t really get a chance to see the ring until I got home and it’s nothing like I would have liked.” 

” It’s not even her engagement or wedding ring, it is a right hand ring she would occassionally wear. ” 

“My friends think he was just being cheap as he’s got to know how much rings cost since his best friend just got engaged last Christmas.  I don’t know; I feel like my feelings have been completely neglected.” 

“The reason why his aunt and cousin (her daughter) are so hung up on this particular ring is that it is probably the most expensive piece out of the jewelery she has.” 

 She already stated she didn’t like it, deemed her Fiance cheap and chuavinistic for giving it to her, and basically said it didn’t really hold any sentimental value.  Now it’s made known it’s the most expensive ring grandmother has AND she now wants to wear it as a RHR.

After a fight with her Fiance AND his family, she still wants to keep it. To me, that’s making an ass out of yourself. 

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