(Closed) I was cheated on and have no idea what to do

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: If you found after, after marriage, your husband cheated on you while you were dating; would you

    Run away. Pick up the pieces of your life and move on

    Stay and give him a chance. He obviously married you for Some reason

    Something else?

  • Post # 137
    Member
    899 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m sorry but I can not agree that a relationship is only real if you make the vow before God and witnesses. That is a lie and only causes more issues. If you are in a relationship you are NOT single. Cheating counts, whether vows have been said or not, it is still a debasement of another person’s emotions. It doesn’t become better because you hadn’t taken a vow before *a higher being* and witnesses. It’s disrespectful and thoughtless and nothing makes it less serious.

    Post # 138
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    @ wheretogo.  I am so sorry for what you went through.  I was hoping you could give an update on what you decided to do.  You see, my fiance lied to me for 10 months about money and actually stole some money from a good family friend.  I really don’t know if he would have confessed unless the fmaily friend found out and asked him about it.  We have had a good relationship 10 years long, but the fact that he lied to my face for 10 months is so hard.  I feel like every decison we made in relation to the wedding is tainted by his lies and I have no clue how to enjoy the day.  I decided to go through with the wedding because we have had a good relationhip, but right now, it hurts so much to know that inside of having a great wedding I will have to make the best of things.

    Sorry that was long.  It would just help to find out what someone else did after being lied to.

    Post # 139
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’ve been married for 32 years and in that time, we have obviously had our moments.  But, whenever I find myself so angry that I don’t know how to forgive, I come to the conclusion that I have two choices.  I can divorce him or I can work it out.  Is divorce an option?  Are you willing to walk away from your marriage because he cheated on you once years ago?  I don’t think you are or you wouldn’t be asking for our advice, you would be calling a divorce attorney. So, your next step is “How do I learn to trust him again, how do we move on from this?” And that takes honest communication and time.  You love this man, but he has deeply hurt you.  But, you can recover from this.  It’s good that you are going to have some time alone.  Work through your feelings.  Remind yourself why you married him, that you knew you weren’t going to marry someone and have sunshine every day.  I hope that you decide to forgive him, learn to trust him again, and move on with your lives.  Good luck,  I wish you both the best.

    Post # 140
    Member
    5890 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    View original reply
    @krazykramer: Great advice!

    View original reply
    @loves day: I answered in your other post. But I think you have to get some counseling and figure out if this was a one time thing, or if this is going to be a pattern. i assume that he stole because he was feeling stress and like he had no choice. But is that going to be a pattern? Will he say ‘never again’, but then take from his/your 401k without you knowing about it. I think I could never forgive him until I understood why he did it and how he is going to prevent himself from doing it again if he’s ever in that situation again.

    Post # 141
    Member
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2001

    I would try to think of it like this:  My boyfriend cheated on me…my husband has been wonderful and faithful.  I would suggest working on it.  Divorce can be awful and expensive.  Look into Retrouvaille.com.  My DH and I did it and it saved our marriage.  Good luck to you.

    ETA:  sorry. I didn’t realize this post was so old!  hope op worked it all out!

    Post # 142
    Member
    4640 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    i would make it really tough for him – make him sweat – but probably eventually work things out with him if possible.

    Post # 143
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    The betrayal is a huge issue. Obviously.

     

    But..I think a bigger one is him not wearing protection. And subsequently not telling you that. Did he get tested??? If not, then he was putting your life at risk and that, to me, would be the worst possible thing he could ever do.

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