I am so sorry for your pain. Honestly I won’t go into details, but I had the same exact thing happen to me and I have been married for 23 years now.
After 1 year of dating and actually being engaged, my husband (then Fiance) dropped a similar bombshell on me into our 2nd year of marriage and after our first daughter was born. Honestly, I have only seen him cry twice in the entire time we have been together and this was the first time. Let’s just say he had a “Bill Clinton” experience and it stopped at that.
First of all, and I beg you to keep this in mind. You are married, and even though this was a “lie” that existed before you were even engaged, it is still something that he has known all along and willingly took to your vows without telling you. And for that he is wrong. But you were not maried then.
I know you are hurting right now and honestly nothing that anyone says to you is going to take the pain away immediately. Just remember this… forgiving someone else is really not about them, it’s about you. When you forgive someone else you are helping yourself more than you realize. You loose the toxicity that remains in your body and your spirit when you forgive someone. There are some that even believe that unforgiveness can lead to Cancer.
We are all human, and whatever religion or not you practice, all capable of sin. Even though it hurts almost more than you can bear, he did tell you and honestly he should have told you. And in as much as he is the “bad one” on this side of the story, he needed to tell you. In many ways the reason he didn’t tell you was because he didn’t want to loose you. And that in and of it self does demonstrate Love.
I don’t know you and I don’t know your husband. But I do know this, too many people don’t fight for their marriages any more and that truly is not only sad, it is an abomination. You have built a life together and you have many plans for your future. If this is truly the only thing that he has done, then I implore you to work through it. Go to counseling, make him regain your trust. And take this from one who knows, it is possible even though right now it might not seem that way.
I forgave my husband, we worked through it. He had to jump through hoops for several years! And he did it! But I can not imagine my life without him, we have 3 beautiful daughters and have gone through so much together. I hope that you can do the same.