(Closed) I Was Gorgeous, My Fiance Was Fat- Now the Table is Turned

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Get off the couch and work out with him. It’s not hard. You need to get over yourself, and you need to love yourself before you can expect him to love you. It’s unattractive when someone doesn’t take care of themselves. Also how would he feel if he read this? You sound like a snob and you need to work on yourself Both physically and personality wise. Be the change you want to see because crying about it doesn’t mean shit.

Post # 77
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

Slingshot:  …what? Rapid weight gain coupled with feelings of low-self worth are big hints that she might be depressed. She didn’t say she can’t be bothered to work out with him, she said it feels monumental. Depression can make small steps feel out of reach.

Consulting her regular doctor or a therapist, breaking a task into smaller parts, and seeking help from loved ones are steps that could help. If she’s depressed, she can’t just “get over it.”

Post # 78
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

mangosandcats:  that is no excuse to be upset that he looks good now. She went on and on about how good looking she was and how better she was than him, and how everyone thought that. She said she knew people thought she shouldn’t be with him because he was fat and they must think he was a relative because of it, and they were shocked she agreed to marry him because of it. She said nothing about how people could see how happy she was with him. She was down right cruel in her post. I would never think those things about someone i loved, and I would be offended if they thought that of me. marriage is for better or for worse, not “he’s hot and now I’m a couch potato, and I’m insecure about other women”. She needs to take initiative to take care of herself, not post on the internet about it hoping something changes. She is depressed because she isnt a “knock out” anymore, which she stated she got this way because he was fat and not good enough for her superficial friends to be happy about the engagement, so she sat around eating and watching tv. Yes, being depressed is bad, but being a snob is bad too, and she should not be justified in saying horrible things because she feels bad about herself. She needs to take responsibility.

Post # 79
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Breckenridge, CO

Don’t let yourself go at age 24

it’s only gonna get harder

 

Post # 80
Member
8266 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Slingshot:  

Yes indeed,  well said !

Post # 81
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If you rule out depression, maybe get your thyroid checked, etc.  That big of a change sounds more likely to be caused by a medical condition than a proposal, in my opinion.

Post # 83
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

giovanni19:  True that!

 

pearlrose:  Yes, if you cant use depression as an excuse, try thyroid….or take responsibility for your weight gain….

Post # 84
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I had a similar high-school to post grad experience. In HS I had waist-length platinum hair. I was a size 4, 5’10” tall, a ballet dancer with a golden tan and flawless skin. Much of this, thanks to working out 2 to 6 hours a day. not kidding.

Fast forward to my mid 20’s… I became career obsessed. I  didn’t have time to work out. I didn’t have time to cook healthy meals. I developed skin cancer, so I started to avoid the sun… now my hair got much darker, my skin much paler, ironically acne (which never plagued me during puberty) was waging war on my face. Heads used to turn as I walked in a room, seemingly suddenly nobody gave me a 2nd glance.

It ruined several relationships. My romantic ones, and friendships. Anyway fast forward through all the soul searching…here is what I leafrned: the problem was not that I became ugly and people stopped loving me. It was that I stopped loving myself, and many of the qualities I had that drew people to me (a glowing smile, a light sense of humor, lots of energy, etc.) were fading, as the weight piled on.

The dynamic of your relationship with your fiancé has changed a lot. You need to get that DYNAMIC back. Not necessarily your looks. I suggest going to the gym with your fiancé and seeing a therapist. Get some of your happy back, get some confidence back, maybe loose a couple pounds, and then you will see clearly again.

On another note…. I truly hope your families and friends don’t really have such shallow reactions to your relationship. If they do….you need new friends!

 

Wishing you all the best!

 

Post # 85
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Hi there, I know you are really upset and more preoccupied with the state of your relationship,and everyone here offers great advice too,  so I thought I’ll offer an advice that’s a bit different. Several of my friends were in your shoes once too, and one girlfriend shared that her weight crept up slowly on her until it was too obvious to ignore. She was also getting more and more tired and disgruntled with the way her life, work, relationships etc went. And guess what? She found out she had hypothyroidism. If your weight gain seems abnormal to you, you might want to check your thyroid out therefore. Hypothyrodism causes weight gain and is very common disease for young ladies to contract. It can be easily fixed with some hormonal replacement from a regular doctor. But most people dismiss their weight gain as ill discipline, over-eating etc. It’s a really vicious cycle cos the sluggishness from the weight gain, your perception of decreasing attractiveness and the dysfunctional thyroid itself will cause you to spiral into further depression and low esteem, so eventually you really DO start having problems maintaining positivity in the things you do and with the people you interact with. HUGS!

I hope you’ll feel better soon somehow. Even if it has nothing to do with medical reasons, it’s worth finding out. And just remember: if your fiance could lose all that weight, so can you! Besides, if he has a newfound joy in exercising, you could join him in his regime or share his interest at least and get fit too! HUGS again! Would you feel better too if you shared your insecurities with your fiance? I have a good feeling he’ll comfort and encourage you!

Post # 86
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with pp. Im sure your fiance still adores you sweetheart!! It sounds as if you might have a thyroid issue. Hypothyroidism can cause depressed mood, fatigue, and rapid weight gain. As the other ladies recommended,  see your doctor! I had a thyroid problem and gained 20 pouns pounds a few years back. I lost most of it with treatment! See an endocrinologist! 

Now i would like to add on with some advice of my own…get your groove back, girl! Start with a manicure, a blow out (don’t CUT or color your hair – too expensive and youre too fragile to take on any more changes to your appearance), and some at home spa treatments. None of these things are expensive but you will start to feel better. Don’t deprive yourself of feeling like a woman!

Your next step? This is a big one. I sell lingerie for a living. Your body has changed so you NEED a professional bra measurement! Yes. The size will be bigger. You might understandably feel sad about that. However once you get a properly fitting bra your chest will sit higher, your waist will look smaller, and your clothes will fit better. After you get a great bra you might also want to order some shapewear for underneath your clothes, they really do make a difference! I know you’re unemployed so a new wardrobe may not be practical, but a few inexpensive classic pieces, a sexy pair of shoes (justfab.com .. Your first pair is like 25 bucks with no shipping) and a new lipstick can do wonders. Your clothes will be a few sizes bigger but they will FIT and you won’t have to resort to wearing sweats every day.

Exercising and clean eating are so so important but it will still take time to lose weight. You need to make a commitment now to put your best foot forward. I’m sure that with a little fine tuning you will start turning heads again…including your fiance’s!

P.s. re: the bra measurement. Make sure you are measured by TWO Different professionals and don’t leave without trying multiple sizes and styles. I work with lovely women but some aren’t the best at giving accurate measurements. I am a 34D and was once measured as a 38B by a clueless coworker. Also just because you have a large chest doesn’t mean you should shy away from pushup bras. They don’t make you look heavier, they make you look perkier and slimmer. I might be biased because this is my profession, but I really feel like a good bra can change a life haha good luck!

Post # 87
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

You need to figure out a way to get yourself mentally and emotionally happy. The weight may not be the thing to drive him away but the unhealthy amount of jealousy and unwillingness to help yourself will. I know you think every woman wants him (and I am sure he is very handsome, I don’t dount that) but that is your mind playing tricks on you. Do you want every good looking man that passes you? And neither do they. 

Post # 88
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If going to the gym seems too daunting, go buy some hand weights and download some workout videos to do daily at home and track what you’re eating. I agree with others, you should go to a doctor to discuss your lack of energy. Sure, it’s likely just from being sedentary but it could be something else. I went through a period of feeling depressed, tired, and gained 35 pounds. I thought it was just from moving 1200 miles away from my friends & family to be with my boyfriend (now we’re married) – ended up having a hypothyroid disorder. 

Post # 89
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

swedish2miami:  I think this is a great wake-up call for you. You realized how shallow and self-obsessed you used to be about your looks and you seem to have changed your attitude. You can lose the weight, and hopefully you keep the new attitude.

While you should definitely lose the weight for the sake of your health, take this time to discover who you are as a person aside from your looks. Maybe it’s because this post focuses on the subject of your looks, but at least from what you wrote, it seems like you didn’t/don’t have much of an identity other than the girl who was pretty and popular in high school, while your Fiance has more to him than just looks and athleticism. Beauty is fleeting, and your personality should be more well-rounded than just “oh I’m pretty, look at me!” What else interests you, what are you good at, and what do you have to offer your Fiance and the world at large besides a pretty face and a hot body?I hope you work on that part of yourself in addition to losing the weight. Good luck, bee.

Post # 90
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I had the same thing happen to me at around 22/23, your metabolism changes, you go from being a PYT to having to work a little hard, that’s all there is to it.

get off the couch, it sounds like the problem you’re having isn’t as much phsycial as it is feeling down. Not feeling down, and starting to exercise more regularly are BOTH difficult things to do, but they are also very connected.

Stop being so hard on yourself for gaining weight, we all do it, whether we hit our early-20s metabolism wall, or we get comfy in a relationship (or both) the only thing you can do, is decide how you want to deal with it.

so how are you going to deal with it?

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