Post # 1
I had a really good friend all through Jr. high and high school and she got married 4 years ago and I was one of her 6 bridesmaids. We haven’t been in touch much over the last couple of years. A few texts here and there but I haven’t even seen her in over a year!
I always thought I would have her as one of my bridesmaids (I want 5) but my fiance only wants 3 (he really wants 2 but said he could make it 3)
Do I ask her to be a bridesmaid? Do even numbers matter?
Post # 3
numbers don’t matter atl all. ask her if you want to, don’t if you don’t want to.
Post # 4
No one really cares about the numbers, so if you want her as a bridesmaid (not out of obligation), then ask her. If you don’t want her as a bridesmaid, then don’t.
Post # 5
I guess my main concern would be is it rude to not ask her?
Is there some kind of “Bridesmaid Etiquette”
Post # 6
If you have to decide whether she “Should” be a maid then you have your answer, things change, friendships change and you dont have to repay the “favour” or feel obliged its your big day hun, have girls standing with you who you can see as a part of your future not just your past.
Post # 7
@beautifullyboheamian: Thanks! It has been stressing me out! That was a very helpful response
Post # 8
I do not plan on asking the woman whose wedding I was in to be in mine, largely because it would be extremely inconvenient for her, but also because we agreed on 2 attendants each at our wedding. She had several bridesmaids and not all were extremely close friends. On the other hand, I want my bridal party as small and intimate as possible
Post # 9
@Jme_C: i don’t think it’s necessary. i think you should have the people closest to you standing up with you.
you still have some time so i wouldn’t ask anyone yet. see how the next few months of planning goes first. see how your friends and family react to your engagement and plans. i’ve read so many threads on “removing” bm due to poor attitude or lack of participation.
Post # 10
I mean, how are you going to communicate with her if she’s your bridesmaid?
A few texts now and then? :
Less hassle for all if she just comes as a guest if you want her there.
Post # 11
I don’t think there is any rule that says you have to reciprocate. In fact, I have 4 girls coming to my wedding whose weddings I was a bridesmaid in (maid of honor in one), but I didn’t ask any of them to be my bridesmaids because I’m only having 2 (my sister and niece). None of them were offended and every one of them is still traveling from out of town to be at the wedding. If you are still close enough to her that you feel that you need to explain, you can just tell her that you are only having 3 attendants and she obviously knows that you haven’t seen each other in awhile. I sent a text to my close friends saying that I didn’t want them to wonder why I hadn’t asked them to be in my wedding because obviously if I was having a large bridal party they would all be, but that we had just decided to have a very small bridal party and that hopefully they’re excited because it means they can wear whatever they want.
Post # 12
I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man 2x this year. And I doubt that I would ask them to be BMs. Not that they arent good friends, but I have known the 1 girl for only 2 years, the girls I will ask I have known since birth, elementary/middle school, or at least 6 years. If i asked the other girl, I would have to ask her twin sister too, and then Id have 9 BMs…
Numbers dont matter anyway with even-ness. Choose who you want there, and could not picture the wedding/your life without them. Fillers are for your packaging, not your wedding.
Post # 13
Absolutely not! Being a bridesmaid is serious business and you don’t want to invite someone just for reciprocity sake.
Post # 14
Etiquette Snob here… lol
It would be a nice gesture… figuring you two were quite close at one time… BUT there is truly NO OBLIGATION.
And as far as numbers… Even or Odd don’t matter. It is however nice if the numbers match in regards to the number of Bridesmaids (MOH & however many) to the number of Groomsmen (BM & however many Ushers). Makes for more balanced photos.
Hope this helps,
Post # 15
I think you should do whatever is in your heart because in the end this is what really matters
Post # 16
I always like to stand in the other person’s shoes.. considering you’re only having 3 BMs I would understand, but if you had 6 like she did I would be hurt. There’s nothing to say you would have to reciprocate but I’m just saying how I would feel if it were me