(Closed) I was her bridesmaid… does she have to be mine?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

numbers don’t matter atl all. ask her if you want to, don’t if you don’t want to.

Post # 4
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

No one really cares about the numbers, so if you want her as a bridesmaid (not out of obligation), then ask her. If you don’t want her as a bridesmaid, then don’t.

Post # 6
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014


If you have to decide whether she “Should” be a maid then you have your answer, things change, friendships change and you dont have to repay the “favour” or feel obliged its your big day hun, have girls standing with you who you can see as a part of your future not just your past.


Post # 8
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I do not plan on asking the woman whose wedding I was in to be in mine, largely because it would be extremely inconvenient for her, but also because we agreed on 2 attendants each at our wedding. She had several bridesmaids and not all were extremely close friends. On the other hand, I want my bridal party as small and intimate as possible

Post # 9
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Jme_C:  i don’t think it’s necessary.  i think you should have the people closest to you standing up with you. 

you still have some time so i wouldn’t ask anyone yet.  see how the next few months of planning goes first.  see how your friends and family react to your engagement and plans.  i’ve read so many threads on “removing” bm due to poor attitude or lack of participation.

Post # 10
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014


I mean, how are you going to communicate with her if she’s your bridesmaid?
A few texts now and then? :
Less hassle for all if she just comes as a guest if you want her there.

Post # 11
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think there is any rule that says you have to reciprocate.  In fact, I have 4 girls coming to my wedding whose weddings I was a bridesmaid in (maid of honor in one), but I didn’t ask any of them to be my bridesmaids because I’m only having 2 (my sister and niece).  None of them were offended and every one of them is still traveling from out of town to be at the wedding.  If you are still close enough to her that you feel that you need to explain, you can just tell her that you are only having 3 attendants and she obviously knows that you haven’t seen each other in awhile.  I sent a text to my close friends saying that I didn’t want them to wonder why I hadn’t asked them to be in my wedding because obviously if I was having a large bridal party they would all be, but that we had just decided to have a very small bridal party and that hopefully they’re excited because it means they can wear whatever they want.

Post # 12
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man 2x this year. And I doubt that I would ask them to be BMs. Not that they arent good friends, but I have known the 1 girl for only 2 years, the girls I will ask I have known since birth, elementary/middle school, or at least 6 years. If i asked the other girl, I would have to ask her twin sister too, and then Id have 9 BMs…

Numbers dont matter anyway with even-ness. Choose who you want there, and could not picture the wedding/your life without them. Fillers are for your packaging, not your wedding.

Post # 13
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Absolutely not! Being a bridesmaid is serious business and you don’t want to invite someone just for reciprocity sake.

Post # 14
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

It would be a nice gesture… figuring you two were quite close at one time… BUT there is truly NO OBLIGATION.

And as far as numbers… Even or Odd don’t matter.  It is however nice if the numbers match in regards to the number of Bridesmaids (MOH & however many) to the number of Groomsmen (BM & however many Ushers).  Makes for more balanced photos.

Hope this helps,


Post # 15
3 posts
  • Wedding: December 2015

I think you should do whatever is in your heart because in the end this is what really matters

Post # 16
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I always like to stand in the other person’s shoes.. considering you’re only having 3 BMs I would understand, but if you had 6 like she did I would be hurt.  There’s nothing to say you would have to reciprocate but  I’m just saying how I would feel if it were me

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