(Closed) I was invited to the wedding, my fiance was invited to the after party!?!?!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee

you are NOT unreasonable.  we’re planning our wedding too, and honestly? an extra person is like $150 at most. I know some people are on a tight budget, but if you really want someone there, that HAS to include their SO (live in Boyfriend or Best Friend, fiance or husband, not casual BF).  

i remember i went to a wedding like this, where they were on “such a tight budget” and split a couple of couples up but then we get to the reception, and they’ve hired a live band, a caricaturist and had wedding favours.  that was very WTF.  If your friend is on such a tight budget, you better not find extras like that at her wedding, IMO. 

Post # 47
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

This is such a weird situation. I find it hard to imagine where she’s coming from. I think I would get it if she was having a TINY ceremony — like say, her 10 best friends. Then I understand wanting just them, and inviting partners to the reception or party. But the way she’s doing it… what? Is it even a thing to invite people to the after party? I’ve never heard of this.

Post # 48
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

maamerose:  I just read where you said that your friend actually had the gall to ask you to SERVE HER GUESTS?! WTAF??? Who the hell asks their wedding guest and good friend to SERVE people food at their fucking wedding? My jaw literally dropped when I read that. Then she called you selfish when you said no?

Now she’s butt hurt because her tacky, impolite ass split up her wedding invitations and only invites your Fiance to the afterparty.. not the whole thing. OH HELL TO THE NAW. Chick is nutty as a fruitcake and I applaud you for your patience and good will toward her as a caring friend. I would’ve gladly told her to eff off by now if it were me. She’s lost her damn mind!

Post # 50
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

maamerose:  Okay, sorry for misunderstanding. But I still think that’s odd… You don’t ask your friends to be your servers at any type of event. That’s just weird.

Post # 51
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

kmark2688:  Yeah… there’s a fine line between “helping out a friend” and being the “unpaid work staff”. And the audacity she had to get mad when OP wanted to enjoy the party and not be used as a servant.

I keep going back and forth on this girl. I understand the PP saying everyone has their limits to planning their wedding, is it worth hurting a friendship over, etc. But I think the biggest issue is her getting mad at you for rightfully making your own decisions (refusing to play waitress for her and not attending a ceremony your Fiance isn’t welcomed at). If it really were just a tight budget issue and she wants you to understand that your Fiance cannot come, then she should respect and understand your decision to only attend the portion your Fiance can come to. She sounds pretty selfish..

Post # 52
Member
2774 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Wow splitting you up, getting mad at you for not doing it, asking you to do her makeup for free AND asking you to serve guests? ummm, that’s NOT a friend!

ETA: I’m calling it like I see it – ZILLA.

Post # 53
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

maamerose:  I would’ve served.. For pay, plus 20% gratuity.

Also, your ‘friend’ should probably pull her head out of her ass soon before she ends up all by her lonesome.

Post # 54
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My WTAF face is still in effect.

Post # 55
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Decines with regret.

Post # 56
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

This is in the UK, correct?

As an American, this set up is not normal. But I’ve heard that after party/tiered guest lists are quite common.

60 people is not a lot. Who is she prioritizing over your FI? It’s one thing to be invited without your partner if everyone else is. It’s another if she has to choose between her cousin and some guy she’a never met.

Post # 57
Member
3185 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

maamerose:  That’s what my Fiance told his brother who tried to invite me to their 2 party. I wound up getting invited to both because FI’s brother wanted him to be a groomsman but Fiance said sorry dude I am Marrying Summer and if she isn’t invited you can count me out. So much drama. Idk why this is becoming more common these days. People have no class these days sigh.

Post # 60
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

maamerose:  “At the engagement I felt very awkward and left early. If I’m gonna go through that again I’d at least have my man there with me”

-Why are you friends with this person?  In fact it doesnt sound like you are (real) friends with this person.  So a better question is why do you call this person a “friend”? 

 

 

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