- 10 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
11 days before my friend of 5 years gets married, and she kicked me out. I am so confused as to what I did wrong, I was not her Maid/Matron of Honor, but I did paint and decorate her card box that she brought over to my house, made all of her bridesmaids hair appointments with my hair stylist, and even planned her practice make up run. Her bachelorette party was last weekend in Chicago, and I helped pay for my portion of the room, in which she tried to tell me what time I had to go to bed, bought her a bachelorette gift, drinks, made her a scap book that she said she loved, and of course paid for my $217 dress, and had to buy a new pair of gold heels because she did not like the ones I had, even though the dress is floor length, but I complied, even with her demand for me to buy 4 inch heels because I am the shortest one in the bridal party. She was making me walk down the aisle with my ex, and when they asked us to be in their wedding we were still dating, after we had a horrible break up, she was still making me walk down the aisle with him, because she kept telling me “this better not ruin my wedding” i tried to be civil with him, even though he broke up with me. I pretty much knew that she had a bit of control issue, but I thought it was only over her fiance, and once they became engaged, I didn’t see that side of her too much anymore. I thought everything was fine, picked up my dress, had an appointment to get it altered, I was really looking forward to sharing in my friends special day. .. so much that I added extra set up scap book pages in her book that said, “Bachelorette Party” and “The wedding” for future pictures. Sounds pretty good so far, That is until Sunday, when my ex, who is in the wedding, didn’t show up to her fiances last minute bachelor party on a sunday an hour away from our house…She texted me all upset, she was going to kick him out of the wedding, I tried to comfort her, and let her know I am sure that there has to be a good reason, He wouldn’t do that to his friends intentionally, and talked her out of kicking him out of the wedding seeing as though, there was only 2 weeks until the wedding, and she should think about it first because it would be hard to replace him and get the tux this late in the game. She let it go, and it seemed she realized maybe she was being a little irrational. Then came Monday… while I was at work, she kept blowing my phone up with text messages of pictures of the way she wanted my stylist to do my hair. (my stylist took the day off work to schedule doing 5 bridesmaids hair at the bride’s house the morning of the wedding, giving us a huge discount) After looking at the styles the bride sent me, I also do my own hair all the time, and the brides when we go out–i am not a beautician, but I have been doing hair for a long time. I mentioned that The layers in my hair would not allow for the dramatic side pony with curls, or a low bun, My hair is not that long, and I mentioned that she told everyone an updo originally, so it might be nice if she let the girls pick what looks nicest with their face shape….The stylist even confirmed that my hair was in fact Not long enough. I agreed to try both styles though to give her what she wanted, and hoping we could reach a happy medium because I was paying for my hair, and I had no problem getting it done or put up, but it actually had to be physically possible with my hair. I was told I could not cut my hair at all this year by the bride, so i didn’t, nor did I color it back the blonde color I had it before so that I did not upset her. Next thing I know, I was being threatened to not be in the wedding, because she said my hair looked trashy and tacky 3 years ago when I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in my sisters wedding. (My sister had a very elegant beautiful wedding) The bride did not see it that way though, she said a hair style that looked like that might have been ok for my sister’s wedding, but SHE did NOT want to have to look at pictures like that forever, when she is paying for the photographer, i agreed to do what she wanted, and although my feelings were very hurt that she called me trashy and tacky. It hurt my feelings that someone who was supposed to be my friend actually thought I could make myself look so bad that it would ruin her pictures. Later that evening, my sister called me, and could tell in my voice that I was feeling a little down, she asked what was up, and I told her that The bride did not like my hair, and if I couldn’t do the style she wanted. My sister told me I was beautiful and not to let her get to me, that night, all my sister did was tag me in one of her wedding photos and say that my hair looked very beautiful that day and so did all of her bridesmaids who picked their own styles, she said her day was really wonderful with them in her wedding….nothing about the bride, my sister tried boosting my self esteem.
Next thing I know, it’s 6 am and my phone is blowing up again with texts from the bride again. Yelling at me for my sister tagging me in her wedding photo, and saying I better tell her to stop. Even though she has put up her own fb postings of.. “I am going to turn into bridezilla in the next 11 days because of someone” and “I am the bride THIS IS MY DAY. GET OVER IT!” I never tried to be the bride, all I have tried to do was help with the list of demands she was constantly leaving me. Threatening me again with how I do not want to argue with her, when I was not…then She said it again.. “I don’t like your hair you had for your sister’s wedding, I don’t want my bridesmaids to look trashy.” 🙁 I was so tired of hearing its MY day, I get what I want, if you don’t like it too bad, all because my hair wasn’t long enough. that I finally told her, you are right it’s your day, so please don’t be surprised when you are the only ones there. I let her know that I was tired of her being mean to me over my hair, I tried everything I could to make it look the way she wants, and I had no self esteem left after she kept calling me trash. I told her I am not your employee, I am your friend, who was honored that you asked me to be in your wedding, but I did not know that met that you could bark commands at me 24/7 and say things to hurt my feelings for nothing. I also told her, that we have been friends for so long, I sure hoped she didn’t think I would honestly show up in anything that would embarass her in her pictures. I said, I already told you, that I am willing to try whatever you want me to with my hair, you won, I am not arguing with you, it’s hair, it isn’t worth it.
Then I received a call from her mom, asking me what was going on, and that my sister had no right to tag me in her fb picture. I said she didn’t say anything about your daughter, she was trying to boost my self esteem that your daugther has really brought down for me. Her mom said that we should get together and talk, I agreed and said that I had to go to class, and her mom didn’ t let me off the phone, so I missed a quiz in spanish, and I was crying. Her mom told me that it’s her daughter’s day, and no matter what her demand was, I was to do it, if she said tan, then i better tan, if she says don’t cut your hair, you don’t cut your hair. I was in complete awe that her mom was saying that to me, I have been a bridesmaid 6 times and I am in another wedding in September, This has never happened to me in all the times I was a bridesmaid. Her mom offered to pay me for the dress if I decided that I no longer wanted to be in the wedding, I told the mom that I never said that I didn’t want to, I was looking forward to it despite the horrible things her daugther kept doing to me. Her mom said that we needed to talk tonight, I said I can’t its my boyfriend’s birthday, we didn’t get to go out the day before for his birthday so we were celebrating, and I said I think her daughter and I could both use a day or 2 to cool off, and think.. Her mom agreed.
Hours later, while out celebrating my boyfriends birthday, finally clearing my mind, I get a text message from the bride stating that “I really don’t want to do this, but after talking to my mom and my fiance, I am sticking with my decision to not have you in my wedding. My mom will pay you for your dress and your shoes.” I said, is a friendship worth ruining over hair? She said yea, it is to you. Today I left the dress with my mom and the shoes, I would like to be compensated for the dress atleast, considering I didn’t quit, I purchased the dress with every intention of being in the wedding, and I was kicked out. Her mom told me I had to drop it off and I said, I have finals all this today and next week, your daughter said she wanted it by satuday, and I will be studying, but you are more than welcome to come and pick it up from my mom. Her mom refused to pick it up, saying I should mail it, and then I am sure I wouldn;t get compensated, and she lives 5 minutes away from me. My family doesn’t want me to go to her home to drop it off, they are afraid what they will say or do to add salt to all the insults she has given me already. I told her mom, that no, I am done taking orders and commands from you and your daugther, you can come pick up the dress because finals right now, are far more important that worrying about a dress, you want the dress come and get the dress, I am not working on your schedule any more you are going to start working around mine, then he mom said and i quote via text message ” We did not have a written contract saying I would pay you for the dress…only a verbal agreement” mind you all of this is in a text message. Then my mom tried to reason with her mom, saying it really wasn’t fair we stopped being friends over hair… and her mom took her side saying that my sister should never have tagged me in her picture. I know I could write a novel about this, but I am so beyond hurt and insulted. Can I get the money back that I am out? Should I have gotten hair extensions? I am not sure, maybe plastic surgery to change my face? Has anyone else been in a similar situation, did I do the right thing? any advice would be nice. Thank you…
Always a bridesmaid….