I was left out of sister's wedding and I'm so upset

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

retrogamerde :  reading your story makes me want to cry. I’m so sorry that you’re being treated that way. You are a human being with feelings—how could they do that to you?! 🙁

 

I agree with your decision to disappear from all of their lives for a while, and moving forward, seriously reconsidering how you interact with them. They do not deserve you. Looking forward, just be the best father you can be, and make sure your little one always feels loved and included.

 

im so, so sorry for your sadness. 

Post # 3
Member
5589 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

retrogamerde :  

You aren’t being petty, or ridiculous. The wedding brought long standing issues to the surface, anyone would be hurt.

I’m sorry you felt so left out during your childhood, that must have been so painful.

I’m not sure what’s going on with your “soon to be ex wife”, it sounds like you have a lot going on right now and I’m sure the wedding made it even worse.

If you want to take some space from your mom and your siblings, do it. You need to take care of you so you can take care of your baby girl. I think it’s completely fine to “lick your wounds”, if you will, seeing all of that brought to the surface must have been so painful. I would want to take space for myself as well after something like that.

Here’s what I suggest though. Take a look at your baby girl and take pride in her. Comfort yourself knowing that she will never, ever feel the pain that you felt. Even if the family doesn’t accept her, you will protect her from that rejection just by loving her with everything that you have. I hope you shower her with so much love that she will never notice that your family isn’t interested in her. You can protect her from that, and you will.

Post # 4
Member
2918 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

This really sucks. I’m so sorry. It’s not “dumb” to be upset about left out of the wedding, and I don’t think it’s just about the wedding; it sounds like your feelings run a lot deeper, and with good reason. Could you consider seeing a therapist to help you work through some of this? It would probably help. *Hugs*

Post # 5
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sorry to hear that. Though not as bad as your situation, my Fiance has experienced some of this. His father remarried and he has two much younger half sisters. I see artwork his sisters made in grade school depicting their family just being “mom, dad, me and sister” leaving him out. And then the four of them go on vacation, leaving my Fiance with his mom! His half sisters are my junior bridesmaids but I wouldn’t be surprised if we have zero role when they get married one day. 

Agree with PP, just focus on your daughter and shower her with love. We plan on doing the same one day if we have a child (I also have a toxic mother that will favor any children of my sister over mine).

Post # 6
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Hugs bee.  This sucks. I’m really sorry your step-dad didn’t step up to be a dad to you.  It’s like textbook how NOT to be a stepparent. But you didn’t get to pick him and it’s not your fault his heart isn’t big enough and that he passed that small heart on to your siblings. I agree with the other posters,  you may love your family,  but stop setting yourself up for rejection by expecting them to treat you like the brother you are. I’d step back from the relationship and focus on your baby girl and yourself. You’re worth love and affection and you can model healthy family relationships for your daughter so she knows that she’s deserving of love and affection too. 

Post # 8
Member
3465 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

retrogamerde :  i understand your hurt and you’re not being petty at all. That said, i wonder what kind of relationship you have with your half sister? At the end of the day, i think relationships matter more than DNA – and it doesn’t sound like you’re close. Do you actually talk or hang out?

Post # 10
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I got so upset reading this. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. It was cruel, and you aren’t being overly sensitive about it. 

I don’t mean to sound insensitive when I say this, but I suggest you move on to people who really care about you. Your “family” doesn’t, but you can’t make them. Seeking a therapist could help you sort through all these circumstances, too, but I don’t think it’s worth your energy. You deserve better.

 

EDIT: I see you still have a relationship with your sister, but even if you do, there’s reciprocation missing—sounds like you care more than she does. It sucks, but again…this relationship doesn’t seem truly healthy for you.

Post # 11
Member
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

retrogamerde :  the fact that you’ve allowed them into your home in their time of need makes me even more angry for you. I hope you never do anything kind for them again. Treat them how they treat you—like an afterthought. They do not DESERVE YOU. 

Post # 12
Member
4533 posts
Honey bee

What a bunch of horrible human beings. I blame your asshole of a mother the most. Frankly, I think you should have nothing further to do with any of them, or their spawn. Staying in contact with any of them is just allowing them to hurt you again – because they will.

Post # 13
Member
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

sunburn :  I agree with this. I didn’t wanna be so blunt about it, but, yeah. 

 

Cardinal Rule #1 of Self-Preservation: DONT ENGAGE IN ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIPS.

Post # 14
Member
3465 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

retrogamerde :  whoa there – yes, i read your post (and your response is starting to illuminate maybe you’re excluded..)

Weddings are not tit for tat. So the fact that you chose to include them in your wedding actually had nothing to do with her including you, and doesn’t speak to your relationship at all. If the last time you hung out was “a few years back” then i think it’s unreasonable to expect for you to have a role in the wedding. That’s not a relationship – relationships have to be nurtured and kept up. And it doesn’t sound like you’ve kept up your relationship. Should you have been seated with family? Yes, that would have been courteous. However, your attitude that you should have had a role in the wedding is rather entitled all things considered. 

Post # 15
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

catskillsinjune :  I think he meant he still talks and hangs out. The “couple years back” part refers to when he took his brother and sister in and let them live with him while they were in college.

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