(Closed) I was sitting, waiting, wishing…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Congrats on your engagement!

Post # 4
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes you are, whether BF thinks so or not.

The fancy “proposal event” is just a lot of foofah.

You’ve set a date. It’s already a done deal.

Sorry you missed it!

Post # 5
Member
29 posts
Newbee

OMG awkward!!!

I’m waiting atm too… sigh… but we are also talking wedding details. If I dont get my proposal before next year in Jan for our anniversary I’m just gonna go ahead and do it myself lol!

Hang in there and it’ll happen I’m sure ๐Ÿ™‚ If not your partner could always do a formal proposal at the altar haha!

Post # 6
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
rachelp1024:  Yeahh, sorry bee, but if you set a date, you’re engaged. 

But in all seriousness, I had to raise an eyebrow at this because I KNOW how guys think and if your BF said September 2016, it was a rough estimate for when he thinks he might be ready to get married. I don’t think in his mind it includes the year of planning as an engaged couple. Plus, you say you’re low on funds and he can’t afford a ring yet. You’ll need funds to plan a wedding. I don’t think a year of full-time work will be enough to save up for that if there are other expenses and if you plan on paying for the wedding yourselves. 

I think you need to have a serious, no wedding plans talk, about your actual timeline and your financial situation, and then stop talking about wedding plans with him until he proposes to you. You can totally do your research in the meantime so you’re ready when the time comes, but you really need to be on the same page first. 

Post # 7
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
rachelp1024:  yeah, you are! You’ve set a date. a ring doesn’t validate your engagement.  Now if you two were just talking about marriage & ideas, that’d be a different story.

Post # 8
Member
10388 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

We’ve been togther for 5.5 years, and at this point EVERYONE is asking when it will be. Friends, coworkers, family, acquaintences, etc. I’m so anxious over here!

Do you not want to tell them the date then? Becuse you do have one  , obviously . Is it becuase you don’t have a ring?  I’d go for an inexpensive one  myself, and soon;  there are many beautiful ones  around .

 

Post # 9
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

Start savings of your own. So many women think ‘he needs to save for a ring!’ but saving sometimes takes time & can be genuinely hard to do. There’s a difference btw a guy who uses ‘saving for a ring’ as an excuse & a guy who genuinely does need time to slowly build up his little nest egg for it- and a student is a perfect example! If you quietly start your own savings, you can empathize with him how tough it can be to tuck money away- and you can put yours toward your eventual wedding- & it will make you feel like you’re working to bring things closer to ‘doable’. It’s fine to have open discussions with him & occasional excited chats about plans, but if you find yourself bringing it up too too often, vent away in here- that’s what your fellow Bees are here for ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Um, if OP and her BF don’t consider themselves engaged, than they’re not. If they’re waiting for a ring to make it official, then that’s when they’ll feel they are actually engaged. And just because you set a date doesn’t mean it won’t change. I certainly wouldn’t walk around telling everyone I was engaged simply because we’d agreed on a date over a year and a half away and without a ring. My BF wouldn’t be having that either!

Post # 12
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - The Tall Ship Elissa, Galveston, TX

I completely agree with geekgirl84. My bf and I have discussed wedding plans at length, chosen a date, discussed minute details, gone ring shopping — but we have both said that until the proposal (which he wants to be a surprise) happens, we are most definitely NOT engaged! No question asked, no answer given, no engagement. And to us it’s really that simple. YMMV, of course, but it’s pretty black and white for us. 

 

Post # 13
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Hi! I completely understand where you’re coming from. My SO and I have picked a summer date for next year; we want to elope to Hawaii! However, he hasn’t proposed yet, so while deep down I know we’re basically engaged (and have agreed that we’re practically there), it won’t seem official until he proposes and we can start planning openly. I definitely won’t feel like the date is set until we’re engaged and working on the plans together!

Also, while we want to get married next summer, it may be that we need to put it off for several months in order to save (I will be graduating around the time we want to get married, so funds may be tight). It feels like a good idea to go off the proposal itself rather than a date that could change.

Good luck to you! I hope the proposal and start of your official engagement comes soon! The waiting period in between setting a date and a proposal can be difficult. c:

Post # 14
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

Can just a bit relate. My SO and I have sat down and agreed we both want to marry each other. But when!?!?! Men have to be so practical and logistic, “Well, when we have the funds….” *sigh*(Side note-love that song! :p)

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