Post # 1
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
This is the only place I feel like I can come to to express how I feel because I don’t feel like I can speak with my mother because her marriage is not doing so good and of course she will just tell me “Who cares about marriage, don’t do it!” Thank you to anyone who reads this and gives their advice.
I knew in the beginning of my relationship with my bf that I wanted to marry him and I honestly thought that he would propose early on into our relationship. He didn’t! He knows that I have been wanting him to propose as well so it was not a big secret. Well, our 2 year anniversary was yesterday and I was so excited. I waited for this day for a long time because I truly thought it was going to be THE DAY! I knew my bf was taking me out to dinner at a fancy restaurant where the plates are $30-$40. I got home from work, got ready… I even put on a brand new dress that I spent way too much money for. Anyways, we arrive at the restaurant and WOW it was breathtaking. We sat outside under the portal that was covered with white drapes, a beautiful chandelier hanging above us and the waitress even sprinkled rose petals around the table because she knew what we were celebrating. It was the perfect scene!! But as the night went on, my bf just kept talking and talking about work. He did not seem nervous or fidgety and I have heard that men who are about to propose will act weird. My bf was cool and calm so I immediately know then that a proposal was not happening. On our way back home I could no longer contain my feelings so I started to cry I was so hurt. My bf asked why I was crying and I could not bring myself to tell him but I knew he knew why. So then he decides, while we are on the highway, to pull over, get out of the car, get me out of the car, get down on one knee and ask if I would spend the rest of my life with him. We were on the side of the road and he had no ring! I was definitely caught off guard but in my heart, I knew he only did this because I was sad and not because he planned it. I ended up just sitting back in the car and I told him to get back into the car as well. Now we have not spoken to one another since last night 🙁
Do you think I should just continue to wait or am I being reasonable with what I want which is to get married. I just don’t understand how much time he needs to realize that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Been together two years, we live together and have a son. How much time can he honestly need. Any help is much appreciated.
Post # 2
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years on August 1st. He’s had a ring for over 3 months now.
I’m sorry you’re so emotional. I think you set up way too high of expectations. He probably has grand plans and didn’t want to be cliche about an anniversary dinner proposal.
You guys will be just fine! He clearly loves you! I would keep be patient–I would talk things out with him first to make sure he knows everything is good between you two. You don’t want to set goals in your mind. It’s not your place to do that. Let him make his proposal to his future wife memorable in his own way. 😊❤️
Post # 3
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
First off – you should be happy and grateful that he put the effort into arranging a special dinner for your anniversary. It seems like you arbitrarily decided that would be the day he would propose and built up your expectations for it – did he indicate that was a possibility? If not, then only you are at fault for ruining the evening. From your post, I don’t get the sense that you’ve discussed marriage and your respective timelines. Yes, he knows you want to get married but what has he told you about his feelings on getting married? Two years isn’t unreasonable and given the fact that you live together and have a child together, it seems a bit dramatic to consider leaving the relationship after only 2 years. I too knew I wanted to marry my fiancé early on and we discussed our timelines. He told me that some time after 2 years he would propose and it was 2 years, 4 months when it happened. Perhaps you should have a two way discussion to see where he stands on the matter.
Post # 4
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
You ruined a wonderful night out with your expectations. It 100% sounds like you ‘guilted’ him into the proposal, however he still did it. Now- you need to have a chat with him. A frank, honest discussion about your future and marriage. You don’t need a ring to be engaged, but you DO need to be on the same page. If he does indeed want to get married, then hurray! Start planning that party. If he’s regretting it/having cold feet then hold off a bit.
So really:talk to him
Post # 5
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I think you you need to take a deep breath and talk to him rationally about expectations and time line.
You will be in each other’s lives for the next 18 years raising your son. If he doesn’t want marriage and you do then you are at an impasse. Is it worth it to you to keep waiting?
Post # 6
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: May 2017 - Northern Territory, Australia
I was with my Fiance for 4 years and he had the ring for 6 months before he proposed. He sounds like he cares and that it will come. I agree with PP – try to be patient. It will come and be magical.
Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
ribee123 : Thank you for your reply. I guess I forgot to mention that he told me he wanted to marry me at about 6 months into our relationship. So I have actually been waiting since then for a proposal.
Post # 8
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
If I were you I would apologize to him right away for getting emotional and ruining the night he planned. Then tell him you’d like to talk about where he stands with becoming engaged, and let him know you don’t mean to pressure him, so that in the future you can avoid another situation like that.
I had something similar happen so I do understand not being able to hold back the tears. A couple months later I was engaged – turns out he had a much better plan than I thought and it was so worth the wait!
Post # 9
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I just don’t understand how much time he needs to realize that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
I guess I forgot to mention that he told me he wanted to marry me at about 6 months. So I have actually been waiting since then for a proposal.
You are contradicting yourself. You really need to have an open conversation about all this. It is not fair to either of you if you have a constant expectation for a proposal if he is not in the proposal mindset.
Post # 10
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
theatrejulia : Actually I did not contradict myself. Yes, he told me 6 months into our relationship that he wanted to marry me but he never proposed. So saying it and putting those words into action are two different things my dear.
Post # 11
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
Sheesh dramatic title. He said he wanted to spend his life with you. Just because you didn’t get a shiny toy for your finger, it doesn’t count? He did it because you were crying. So what? He did it. Isn’t that what you wanted? Or it didn’t happen exactly the way you imagined it so it’s no good?
Post # 12
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
I Was Sure My Boyfriend Was Going To Propose…And He Did
Post # 13
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
bri1214 : Sweetheart. Actions speak louder than words. Not saying it cannot be done but 6 months is very short to know if you are going to spend the rest of your life together. What has changed since? Beyond having a baby? Perhaps the “how much time does he needs to realize he wants to spend the rest of his life with me…” made me question the “at 6 months he wanted to marry me”.
Again, just talk to the poor guy
Post # 14
Member
4925 posts
Honey bee
bri1214 : you have a child together….you kind of already made a commitment to each other. Sit down and have a mature conversation about what happened last night. Tell him you want to get married but that you do not want to feel like he is being coherced into it. Ask him what his feelings and timeline on the getting married are. Be prepared to listen even if it isn’t what you want to hear.
For what its worth….your man sounds like he loves you a lot and he does want to marry you by his actions. It just sounds like he didn’t get your urgency or just didn’t really think about it all….relegating it to the one day basket.
Seriously though you have a kid together and live together, you need to stop playing silly emotional games and learn how to communicate better. Open honesty and no emotional blackmail makes life a lot easier for all involved and makes for smoother relationship. Good luck bee….I am certain things will work out the way you want as it does sound like you both have a similar desire to be together forever and make it official… The only issue I think you have is that your urgency and timeline are a little different. 🙂
Post # 15
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
Came back to say: awesome click bait title