(Closed) I Was Sure My Boyfriend Was Going To Propose…But What He Did Was More Shocking

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We have no idea why he proposed the way he did. Talk to him about what he’s thinking and feeling. If his feelings are genuine, then that’s great! It does sound like your expectations were a little over the top. Still, though, you are raising your child together. I hope with time you’ll be in a more rational state. 

Post # 17
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

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scissorgirl :  My exact thoughts haha. I wonder if Doctors Hate Her!

Post # 18
Member
10487 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He proposed after you guilted him into it. Isn’t that what you wanted? Or was the issue that he proposed without a ring?

Two years really isn’t that long to have been together. Have a conversation with the dude and ask him when he thinks HE might be ready. 

Post # 19
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

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bri1214 :  He planned a beautiful dinner for you, and then got down on one knee and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. Ring or not, feeling guilty of not, a man would not say that unless he absolutely meant it. 

I was with my fiancé for four years before he proposed, and we have been living together for the majority of our relationship. He put off proposing because we both wanted to be in the right place financially. He wanted to do it perfectly, and get me the perfect ring. 

Weddings are expensive and time consuming. Engagements rings are also extremely expensive and a lot of work goes into selecting the right one.

He knows you want to marry him. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Don’t pressure him (it pushes even the most devoted men away), and let him do it at his own speed. It will be well worth it in the end.

Post # 20
Member
2502 posts
Sugar bee

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bri1214 :  so you decided you BF should propose to you, pouted when he didn’t until he actually then did, and then didn’t say yes. Yeah, I’d have probably stopped talking to you to. 

It doesn’t sound like the two of you are in a mature, communicative relationship. 

Post # 21
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Holy clickbait…you sound really dramatic. Sounds like you need to have a discussion and get on the same page about your timelines for marriage, etc.

Post # 22
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

You were sure he was going to propose. And he DID. So, yeah, nothing about this was “more shocking.”

Maybe it did not happen in the way you expected or had planned in your head when fantasizing, but that is what failing to communicate and bursting into tears when your uncommunicated expectations are not met will get you sometimes.

 

 

Post # 23
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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bri1214 :  Oh honey. Do yourself a favor and graciously say thanks for all the advice and CLOSE this. 1. You don’t have to get married because you live together. 2. You don’t have to get married because you have a kid together. I usually feel horrible for the bees who get the type of responses you have, but I feel like they’ve been pretty nice so far. You wanted a nice dinner and a proposal. You got a nice dinner and a proposal. Mine was one disaster after another after another and I didn’t just get in the car and not say anything. I said yes, we laughed about it and turned it into a wonderful story that makes people tear up with how romantic it was. It is what you make it. And right now you’re making yourself look like you’re acting like a spoiled rotten little brat to the father of your child. 

Post # 24
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

So you were terribly upset when he planned a special evening for you, so upset that when he did actually propose (that’s what that was, ring or no ring) you said “No, get back in the car”??

Calm down. Decide if you want to marry this person, and decide if you want a marriage or a wedding. Go from there.

Post # 25
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

Ditto everyone else. You ruined a lovely night, guilted him into proposing, and then he did. And you’re upset. Does not compute.

Post # 26
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

Marriage isn’t based on a ring, even though media tells us different. It’s based on communication and trust. The two of you need to sit down have a discussion on marriage and timelines. Have you asked him what keeps him from proposing? Is it financial worries, commitment or something else entirely? Until the two of you can talk it out as a couple, you may always be left wondering. I’m sorry your expectations were disappointing but he may not even be aware that you are just waiting for him to pull out a ring.

Post # 27
Member
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Okay, I did the whole building up expectations then crying when the proposal didn’t happen thing. It was even on our anniversay. It was a disaster and I felt really guilty and embarrassed by behavior afterwards. But it did lead Fiance and I have to having a really good conversation. 

1) We talked about a real timeline for getting engaged and married. We talked about goals we wanted to accomplish before getting engaged and why it would be better to wait.

2) I asked Fiance to never propose on a holiday, special occasion, or birthday so I would never build my expectations up like that again. He actually ended up proposing on my birthday but I wasn’t expecting it at all and we had so many happy celebrations before that were never again ruined by me raising my expectations. 

Apologize to your boyfriend and the two of you need to figure this out. You don’t need a ring to get engaged so maybe you just need to decide that you are or you can go buy a ring together and he can re-propose or hell since he already did it once you should be the one to propose to him. But you aren’t going to figure out anything if you talk to each other.

Post # 28
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

Apologize to your boyfriend. You completley build this up in your head because he said he wants to marry you one day. Let him pick the day and just live your life and live in the moment. Why the pressure? He told you he wants to marry you, so give the guy a break.

Post # 29
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

A lot of these comments are pretty harsh, I don’t blame you for becoming emotional- when we’re in the ‘waiting’ stage, it’s basically near impossible to NOT get your hopes up during special events/days… He sounds like a good guy though, talk to him, tell him you’re sorry for the outburst, but you feel like this because ‘…..’ You both just need to be on the same page, good luck!

Post # 30
Member
1464 posts
Bumble bee

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bri1214 : 

“So saying it and putting those words into action are two different things my dear.” 

Being patronising to people isn’t going to get you anywhere.  I feel sorry for your boyfriend at this point. Propose to him if you’re so desperate.

 

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theatrejulia :  

 

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