(Closed) I Was Sure My Boyfriend Was Going To Propose…But What He Did Was More Shocking

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
11129 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sparklesparkle101 :  

Accurate, but not effective click bait.

Post # 32
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Think about this from a guy’s point of view. He planned an awesome evening, thought he had nailed it, saw you were upset and thought crap what can I do to make her happy. So he did it

..

 

Then you still arent happy.

Post # 33
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee

I still feel cheated by the title.

Post # 34
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

HE ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM AND YOU’RE WHINING BECAUSE HE DIDN’T PLAN IT?

Had you given him specific, explicit instructions as to how to “surprise” you? Had you CLEARLY instructed him on the venue, timing, season, length of time on knee, presence/absence of ring, (style, material, stone, size, cut, clarity, carat weight, color?)? 

If not, you have NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.

NEXT TIME, TAKE CHARGE!

Post # 35
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t get it.  So he did propose?  Am I reading that right?  Y’all could’ve gone out the next day to pick out a ring together!

Well too late for that now. Hopefully you haven’t hurt his feelings badly enough and he’ll give you a do-over.  

Post # 36
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee

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bri1214 :  Please dont take any notice of the nastiness these bords can sometimes deliver. Honestly why can’t people put themselves in someone elses shoes for one moment and realise that sometimes we react to things form an emotional standpoint that maybe doesn’t make complete sense to others. It seems that lately whenever someones feelings are hurt they are instantly attacked and treated like crap or given bs comments like I feel sorry for your partner. We are all human, we get hurt sometimes even by small things and I dont see why that warrants a whole bunch of criticism.

You have a family with this man, I think it is completly understandable that you want to be married to him. And if he has said that he wants to marry you at 6 months then I think that is shows that he IS in a proposal mindset, or least that is what he has communicated to you. It is also completely understandable that when faced with such a romantic and glamourous setting your mind would naturally get excited and think THIS IS IT!!!! He also clearly knew that this is why you got emotional because he then proposed to you. But again I understand why this would also be upsetting because had you said yes, your memory of him proposing would have always been of you in tears after feeling dissapointed and him trying to make you stop crying. Can eveyone else honestly say they woyuld have wanted to be proposed to this way??

Yes you have a commitment from him in that you live together and have a child, but if marriage is important to you , who are we to tell you you should be happy with what you have and to essentially stop complaining becaue you “got what you wanted” or “guilted him into it”, it’s so insensitive.

I would sit down with him. Tell him you were so excited with the night he had planned and the reason you got upset if because you want to marry him plain and simple. Ask him where he is at with everything and just talk it over, ask him why he told you at 6 months he wanted ot marry you but still has not asked. Maybe he is waiting for a reason? Maybe he has changed his mind, either way there is nothing wrong with you knowing where you stand.

Post # 37
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I feel you, Bee! I had a similar dating anniversary to yours (our third one). Romantic dinner, private booth in the deepest, darkest corner of the restaurant, candlelight, the works. He tells me how happy he is and how lucky he feels to have me in his life, hands me a ring box… I’m like OMG, OMG, OMG THIS IS IT and inside is a flawless Tahitian pearl pendant that I had been coveting for years. Oh, the feels, the mixed feels! My inner magpie was like YAAAAAAAAS and my inner Disney princess was like NOOOOOOO.

I didn’t cry, though.

Honestly, if I felt strongly enough about being married to him at that ugly cry over all of that and he pulled over, got on one knee, got dirt and God knows what else on his suit pants on the side of the road, I’d have agreed to marry him on the spot, apologized profusely for being a blubbering mess, and promised to take his suit for dry cleaning after work on Monday to make it up to him. 

If I were you, I’d just tell him, “I’m sorry about Friday night, I was an over-emotional mess and I shouldn’t have had that second glass of wine. Does your proposal still stand? Because I really was touched, that was so sweet and romantic, but I was just too upset and drunk to process it. I love you so much and I really do want to marry you, like, right away.” And see what his response is. 

Post # 38
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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bri1214 :  Your post would make many guys nervous about taking their girlfriends somewhere fancy to celebrate their anniversary or birthday. Are they supposed to take you to a cheaper restaurant so you don’t get excited and think a proposal is coming?

Post # 39
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I definitely understand how in the heat of the moment yesterday could have been upsetting for you. Waiting is not always easy! But 2 years isn’t a crazy amount of time and looking back on the evening it seems like what he did was kind of sweet (at least to me!). He arranged what sounds like an amazing dinner for the two of you and after seeing how upset you were pulled over on the side of the highway to get down on one knee! The only thing that would make this more romantic for me at this point is rain lol.

I think your proposal will come soon, take some time to talk to him about last night and get a sense of where his head is at. Your moment will come! 

Post # 40
Member
3561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

The fact that he pulled over and did that seems romantic to me. 

He planned an amazing anniversary dinner for you. Instead of thanking him, you cried because it wasn’t enough. So he proposed to you like you wanted, and it still wasn’t good enough. Waiting is hard, but he did just propose!

This guy obviously loves you and wants to make you happy. If that’s not enough for you without a ring (I am assuming that’s the problem because you already got a proposal) then maybe you should rethink whether or not you really love him. He sounds like a wonderful man. I’m sorry he didn’t propose when you wanted to, but maybe he doesn’t want to do that in front of a crowd at a restaurant. Or maybe he didn’t realize you wanted a public proposal. Or maybe he wanted to surprise you, and an anniversary dinner proposal is not surprising.

Go talk to him and fix this. Let any disagreement or weird situation be something that helps your relationship grow. Waiting is freaking hard, so share that with him and hear his side. Good luck.

Post # 41
Member
1712 posts
Bumble bee

You can never rush a guy into a decision to propose with tears or anything.  Even if he wants to marry you, he may not be ready yet.  He is already committed to you by living with you, having a child with you, and being in love with you.  He sounds like a very thoughtful guy to have planned a lovely evening for the two of you at a beautiful restaurant.  And then, he actually DID propose to you.  And you stopped speaking to him after.  How is he supposed to react to that?  As others have said, you need to apologize to him and talk to him and ask where the two of you are on getting married.  If he really wants to marry you, he will tell you.  

Post # 42
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

Expectation is resentment waiting to happen. 

Post # 43
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I actually agree with kaytee094; in fact, I’ve gotten to the point where I actually dread occasions, as I’m reasonably sure it’s not happening anytime soon, let alone on a special day, but there’s still that tiiiiiny bit of hope in my heart that makes all occasions sad affairs for me right now.

I also agree, however, that you really do need to sit down and have a discussion in regards to timelines and such.

 

Post # 44
Member
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Bee, I think some of the harsh responses are based on the inconsistencies in your story. You say you don’t know how long it will take for him to decide that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Yet, he proposed and has admitted to wanting to marry you since month 6 into your relationship. Are you saying that you don’t believe him because he didn’t plan the anniversary proposal? If that is the case, then you need to both be honest with each other about your intentions. It sounds like he very much wants to marry you to me.

Post # 45
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

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bri1214 :  I think you’re expectations are way too high. You ruined a very nice night, which he planned for YOU simply because you want a ring on you’re finger? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, do not guilt you’re partner into doing that. Getting married is a big step and some men need to warm up to the idea. It’s only been 2 years, wait it out. And apologize for you’re actions. Please!

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