(Closed) I wasn't invited to FI's friend's wedding..do we invite his wife?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we invite friend's wife?

    Nope. You have to limit your list too. It's only fair!

    Yes, it's the right thing to do

    Other (explain)

  • Post # 77
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 1997

    @khaleesi:  how much do you want to bet that if you leave her off the invitation he won’t spend the money to come to your wedding?!I’m surprised that your fiance even went.and yeah it’s probably childish but I might do it anyway. Lol 

    Post # 78
    Member
    10 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    [content moderated for trolling]

    Post # 79
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

     This Time Round:  This is great advice. 

    I just want to add, do not confront her about her faux pas. Yes, you could embarrass her, but #1) the adult thing to do is to let by-gones be by-gones, #2) she will probably already be embarrassed just being there, #3) her husband is your fi friend, so you’ll be seeing her on a regular basis.  Do you really want a new enemy?  This could actually turn into a friendship.  #4)  Do you really want to start an altercation at your own wedding?   It could get ugly. 

    Post # 80
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I think it would be a nice gesture to invite her and be the bigger person. To give you context, I’m the first person to cut someone out of my life if I think they’re being an ass, but I would give them the benefit of the doubt in this situation. It’s not like they TOLD you they didn’t want you there or insulted you, I think it’s more likely that they just mucked up the etiquette, or maybe they were facing lots of pressure about invites or numbers or their budget and they had to start cutting people. You never know what’s going on behind the scenes. At the very least I’d recommend that you or your guy talk to his friend about it, just be honest that you were disappointed that you were excluded and see what he says!

    Post # 81
    Member
    1301 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @khaleesi:  Why didn’t your Fiance ask them about the oversight when it happened? It was horribly rude of the couple, but perhaps it was a (somewhat) innocent mistake?

    Regardless, yes either invite both or don’t invite them. It’s petty to hold a grudge over something that you don’t even know was completely intentional. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    1301 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @khaleesi:  They are horribly tacky. I would probably not invite them “due to cuts in the guest list” lol. 

    Post # 84
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    They say… if you invite a guest who is married then you should invite their wife/husband. So there was no wrong doing with not inviting you. If you was his fiance at the time of the wedding then it would have been nice to invite you but they were not required (as you still was not his wife at the time). If you were his girlfriend at the time of the wedding then it was absolutely not neccessary for you to be invited.

     

     

     

    Post # 85
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    They both should be invited

    Post # 86
    Member
    617 posts
    Busy bee

    @ILOVEBHH:  “They say… if you invite a guest who is married then you should invite their wife/husband. So there was no wrong doing with not inviting you. If you was his fiance at the time of the wedding then it would have been nice to invite you but they were not required (as you still was not his wife at the time). If you were his girlfriend at the time of the wedding then it was absolutely not neccessary for you to be invited.”

     

    Incorrect. Even the etiquette of the 1800s would require that a fiancee be invited – it would not be simply ‘nice’, but *necessary*. And etiquette of the 20th century expanded decades ago to include cohabiting partners. Miss Manners herself suggests that the rule is that you must invite AS A SOCIAL UNIT any couple who has declared themselves a socially recognizable unit, including those who have set up a household together and by doing so, declare themselves a publicly recognizable couple.

    And that, in the end, is simply the bare minimum. To refuse to invite a the long-term/serious partner of your guest is incredibly hurtful. To do so while simultaneously recognizing/including other similarly situated couples who are in the same social circle borders on ‘calculated public snubbing’.

    Post # 87
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Sephiroth:  

     

    Thanks for the history lesson. 

     

     

    Post # 88
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I wouldn’t!  But deep down, you know what’s right 😉 Lol.  

    Post # 89
    Member
    5486 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Nope. You don’t. It’s a dog eat dog world. 

    Post # 90
    Member
    1946 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think your Fiance made the mistake in the first place by accepting their invitation even though you weren’t included.  I’d be mad at him.

    ETA:  They sound like shitty people.  I wouldn’t invite them.

    Post # 91
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think inviting both of them sends a stronger message than not inviting the wife.

    If you are really upset I just wouldn’t invite either one, but that is a clear message the friendship is over, if youre ready for that step.

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