(Closed) resolved.

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

As I understand it, you’re not supposed to invite people to the bridal shower who are not invited to the wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
4933 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I thought only wedding guests attended the bridal shower? 

Post # 5
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well inviting someone to YOUR shower but not the wedding is about one of the rudest things I’ve ever heard. No offense, but after such a huge breech of manners I don’t know that you would really be in a position to be saying she’s being rude. Maybe she thinks because you threw ettiquete out the window you don’t care about following it and wouldn’t be offended?

Post # 6
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mrsbiddyf:  I think it’s rude you invited people to your shower that weren’t invited to your wedding, no matter how small it was.  I don’t blame them.

Post # 7
Member
1860 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well, I could be mistaken, but generally only people that are going to be invited to the wedding should be invited to the showers and other wedding-related events. So it wasn’t rude of them to skip your shower since they weren’t wedding guests.

Post # 8
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Typically, it’s considered rude to invite people to a shower (where they are supposed to give gifts to you), but not the wedding.  If you are having a small wedding, your shower should be small as well, with only the wedding attendees invited to the shower.  So, the girls were not rude to decline your invitation to your shower, since they weren’t invited to the wedding.

The second part…it really depends on the situation.  If they are also having a small wedding, and are following protocol by not inviting people to the shower who cannot be invited to the wedding (perhaps they are planning on not inviting you), then it’s not rude.  Even if you volunteered to help with the wedding, they don’t *have* to invite you (although I would).  Is she actually wearing your dress, or did she decline?

I got married, and didn’t invite ANY of my SILs or BILs family members.  To me, that’s odd–I probably couldn’t pick them out in a lineup.  I’m not close to them, why would I invite them?  You may actually be close to this girl, which is different.

The bottom line is that she gets to decide who she invites to the wedding, and shower.  I wouldn’t stress too much about it.

Post # 9
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Actually you are the one in the wrong here! You do not invite people to shower you with gifts in celebration of an event that they are not invited to!

Sorry!

Post # 10
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would feel very awkward showing up to a shower for a wedding I was not invited to.  To me that would sound like someone was gift greedy.  While that might not be the case in this situation, that is how I would interpret it.  I would not have gone to your shower either.

Are you invited to the wedding?

Post # 12
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree only people invited to the wedding are invited to the shoer. It’s rude to invite someone to the shower & not the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

SIL’s sisters were offended that they weren’t also invite to our wedding so they didn’t show up to my shower. Rude, right?


Um, no.  It’s gift-grabby to invite people to a shower but not to the wedding.

Post # 14
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This isn’t rude on their part. What you did was rude. You should not be inviting people to a shower who you aren’t inviting to the wedding for whatever reason.

It wasn’t bad etiquette on their part for them to skip your shower.

Post # 16
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@mrsbiddyf:  Gifts are the point of a shower… to shower the bride with gifts in celebration of her new life with her soon to be husband.

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