- 6 years ago
While Fiance and I are not TTC right now, I have not used BC of any kind since the beginning of our relationship (other than the pullout method, which we always do). We only occasionally have sex (and in the past month or so have stopped completely, and plan to continue this). I have been pregnant once before, and found out I suppose right when my hormones kicked in. Well, I started cramping, bleeding, and hurting extremely bad a week or so after, and called my OB/GYN to ask him if it could be ectopic, or if I could be having a miscarriage. He rushed me in, and then had a weird expression on his face upon doing the vaginal ultrasound, but then said I was not pregnant at all. Okay…..what?
So, because I work at the hospital that is partnered with him (and other doctors in the local area), I could view all my files (sneaky, or wrong, whatever, I still looked). I then saw in the comments that I had an abortion-antepart which I’m almost sure is a miscarriage before the first trimester is over, or something? I’m not really sure. All I know is that in the file it’s confirmed that I had a miscarriage and he prescribed a lot of very heavy pain meds ( to help with my “cramps” he said?) that I googled and found out one is a common med they give to someone that has had a miscarriage. At this point I was hurt, and confused. I knew I was having a miscarriage, according to the file I was right, but he told me something completely different. Maybe because he and my parents are really close, and he didn’t want to upset them (or me?) or something; whatever, that part I don’t understand.
The only people that know about this (My Mom went with me to the doctor but I told her what he told me; that I wasn’t pregnant blah blah he gave me meds for cramps), but the only other people that know the truth is Fiance and one of my closest friends. Well, the other day my friend happened to say, “Well, at least you miscarried early so it wasn’t a real baby or anything, so you shouldn’t be upset.” What the hell? I have every right to be upset; I had a miscarriage, and to me, it WAS a baby!
I don’t use BC but we do use the pullout method, and since I have endometriosis I knew it’d be harder getting pregnant (and I frequently get cysts on both ovaries that will bust & then grow back). I am terrified that when we DO start TTC, I’m going to have to get treatments to help me or do hormones or something. And I’ve already had one miscarriage. I know this problem may be minor to a lot of bees, but I’m getting married in October and Fiance is wanting to start a family I’m pretty sure ASAP. I just don’t know how I’ll handle another miscarriage (I’m mostly freaking out because the same thing is happening now that happened last time and I hope hope hope I’m not even pregnant).