- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
My family just got a new Border Collie puppy four months ago, we named him Treasure. He was so sweet and happy and fun-loving. Last night he was playing around the back of the house with my grandma’s puppies and they were having a great time. I noticed he ran to the front of the house and ran to go get him, hoping a car wouldn’t go by (we live in the country, so there are never really cars on our road). I saw him in the tall grass in the ditch, and I was so relieved because I thought I had caught him in time. And then a car came.
I yelled for him, I kept hoping the driver would notice me, but he didn’t. And I know it wasn’t his fault, Treasure was so sneaky. It was his instinct to herd, and he caught his first car. I just saw and heard the whole thing! The sound was awful and I can’t get it out of my head 🙁 I was so close, I wanted to be close enough to jump on him, or in front of the car (although I know that makes so sense). I just felt so helpless, and I ran to him and held him as he died.
And I just tried to talk him through it. He just looked at me with his sweet and innocent eyes..like, oopsies I caught it, now what? I tried not to cry until he was gone, I didn’t want to worry him. I just told him that I loved him and he was such a good boy the whole time he was alive, that he was so good, and that Sugar (my childhood Border Collie who passed away last July at 16 years old) was so good too, and that she would make sure he wasn’t lonely or scared. I just kept saying I’m sorry; I’m sorry for the people who met you and now have to live without you, and sorry for the people who never got to meet such an amazing dog.
He was just so alive, so full of life and excited and happy all the time. And he did all these funny puppy things I didn’t know a puppy could do. And he had come to his whistle for the first time that day. And then all of a sudden he just wasn’t alive anymore. Like I was just carrying him three minutes before, I was just playing with him, how did he leave so quickly?!
His last day was amazing though, we were all hanging out on the lawn (my mom, brother, FI, and I) not that long before it happened. And he was crawling all over us and digging and we were laughing so hard. It was such a good day with him. And my dad came home in his motorcycle gear (which freaked him out) and then when he heard my dad’s voice he stopped being scared kind of and rolled on his back to get a belly rub in the middle of the lawn. But I get he was still scared because he peed on himself while he was lying on his back haha, it was so funny. He had a really great last day, up until the last minute. I’m glad we could give him that.
I’m sorry, I know this is long. I just keep replaying it over and over in my head. It’s like my brain won’t shut off. It’s like a merry-go-round. I know there’s nothing I could have done, and at least I was with him. I keep trying to tell myself that it could have happened next week and maybe he would have been alone and scared or maybe he would have suffered more.
I was holding him and I felt like such a baby. I felt too young, I didn’t know what to do. He was a baby in my arms and I was a baby having to deal with it. Luckily FI was there and he came and talked to the guy to hit him (my ex-best friend’s dad actually!). It’s just so frustrating. If he had been driving a little slower, or a little faster, or if I had kept him on a leash, or if I had run a little faster…. logically I know thinking that way makes no sense. But why so soon?! We had him for only four months!
I was thinking, as he was dying, that he must have done whatever he was put here to do.
Rest in peace Treasure, thank you for an amazing spring/summer; you made everyday a whole lot brighter ☼
Treasure sleeping a couple days ago ^