(Closed) I went from being ready to not sure…

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 4
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t have much advice, just a question, really.  If he is unable to conceive or has difficulty getting you pregnant when you guys are trying, how far do you want to take it?  Meaning, how much are you willing to pursue getting pregnant?  Would you want to go through the expense, time, appointments, etc of treatments and seeing doctors?  Maybe thinking about it that way will help you decide if it’s something that’s ‘take it or leave it’ or if it’s something you really want later down the line.  Some people want to leave it up to nature, some will go to all ends of the Earth to try anything to conceive.  The only right choice is the one that fits for your life.  Sorry I can’t help other than that!  

ETA: there’s a funny thing that sometimes happens with people, too… they feel like leaving it up to nature until they find out it will be more difficult to get pregnant, then suddenly it become far more important to them (I think the reality of it really hits home), so that’s kind of what I’m getting at here.  Will you want children more if the option is taken away?

Post # 5
7404 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

How old are you?  I’d say to give it 1-2 years after you get married.  Is there a rush for some reason?

Post # 6
1660 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not sure what you mean by, “The idea of a child makes me cry in the really good and sad way” – can you explain this more?

Why did your fiance bringing up the fact that you have a good life right now make you feel like you’d be a bad mother? Was it that knowing he might be okay with not having kinds made you second guess things?

If your fiance decided he absolutely never wanted to have kids, do you think that would that be an issue for you, or are you still trying to figure that out?

Also, for what it’s worth, we used the pull out method for about 6 months before TTC and did not get pregnant. Both months we actually tried (e.g., did not use the pull out method), I got pregnant (I had a miscarriage with the 1st pg)… so I think it’s hard to judge the efficacy of the POM… for us, it seemed likely that it was working well to prevent pregnancy, since literally the first time he did not withdraw, I got pregnant; whereas,I did not get pg the 100 other times he did pull out. Sorry if that’s Too Much Information. If I were you, I just wouldn’t worry about that piece of the equation right now.

Post # 8
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I took a little break from the boards but your post inspired me to come back and comment on this. You wanted to hear from someone who could relate, and I definitely can. Unfortunately, our baby is not quite here yet (I’m 30 weeks PG) but I too went through a considerable phase of questioning how much I wanted kids because I was worried we might not be able to have them (I have endometriosis and other complications) and how much I really WANTED kids.

Funny enough, I also have a favorite grandmother who recently passed, and we are naming our daughter after her. The timing from when my grandma died and when we finally conceived makes me truly believe she is a gift from her and I know my grandmother would not have sent her if it wasn’t right. I am truly happy to be having this child, and I never thought I could love anyone or anything more than Darling Husband until I started feeling her kicks and nudges.

That being said, my “selfishness” has still had an impact on this pregnancy. I think it was 10x harder for me to give everything up that I needed to and I’ve had an especially difficult pregnancy on top of it. I have come to the conclusion that people like us NEED the tough pregnancy part to really become ready for motherhood and God (if you believe in him, if not then fate) sends us all our struggles for a reason. Having endured everything I have these past 30 weeks, from sacrificing pieces of my job to my own personal health and everyday comfort, I feel so much more confident now that I’ll be able to continue to make the necessary sacrifices her whole life through and be a good mom. I may struggle more than others, but the rewards are the same none the less. I hope that helps!

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