(Closed) I went to her wedding but…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: if someone invites you to her wedding, do you have to invite her to yours?
    Absolutely! It's rude not to! : (9 votes)
    6 %
    You probably should, but it's not required : (43 votes)
    28 %
    Hells to the No! You should have whomever you want at your wedding : (101 votes)
    66 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It’s totally fine to cut her since you aren’t close anymore. Friendships change and it sounds like you have just grown apart since her wedding.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2401 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Haven’t seen her in a year? Then not required to invite.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I personally would invite her, I dont think you HAVE to, but it would be nice to invite her. For all you know she might decline the invite and then you wont have to feel guilty that she invited you to hers but you didnt inviter her to yours.

    Post # 6
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    ohmybears48 – that is my rule too! If I haven’t actually seen you in a year (unless we live very far apart) no invite! I think that it is totally reasonable not to invite her, you haven’t seen her in a few years and as we  all know facebook friends aren’t real friends.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3261 posts
    Sugar bee

    You haven’t seen her in over two years, so I’m going to say no..

    Post # 8
    Member
    1562 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You definitely don’t have to invite her.  Invites don’t have to be reciprocated.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    If you haven’t seen her in 2 years, then I would not invite her.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would say you don’t have to invite her. Even though you feel like you would catch up in a heartbeat the point is that you are not close now. If you need to cut space don’t feel guilty. I know I would not expect an invite from any friends I have a similar relationship with. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I would agree, you don’t have to invite her. It sounds like she isn’t close with you anymore.

    Our rule for the wedding, because we are paying for it ourselves is if we wouldn’t pay for your dinner and drinks then sorry we aren’t inviting you to a dinner and drinks at our wedding. It’s harsh but if we don’t do it that way we will have 400 guests at the wedding.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7404 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    No need to even feel bad!  Don’t invite.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1572 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I wouldn’t. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    No you do not have to invite her.  Should I have to invite my dad’s former co-worker from 1985 because I went to their wedding when I was a child?  Of course not.

    You do not have to invite everyone who has ever invited you to their wedding.  Some people will have 800 person huge mega events and some people will have intimate 10 people gatherings. 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    Social reciprocity — the give-and-take where anyone who enjoys someone else’s hospitality is expected to take their turn at being the host and offering hospitality to those who entertained them in the past — is a cornerstone of polite society. Yes, if someone has served you a wedding dinner, you do need to return the invitation and host them to dinner. That is in addition to sending your bread-and-butter note the next morning thanking your hostess.

    But you do not have to use your wedding to fulfil that obligation. In fact, you normally should not use your wedding for obligatory return hospitality, since it is unlikely that you will be getting married soon enough, or often enough!

    Since you ask, I am guessing that you have not yet provided return hospitality. You are right, your wedding is probably not the best time to catch up. But as with thank-you notes, return hospitality is better late than never. Invite your old friend to dinner as soon as a convenient opportunity arises, and catch up then.

    As a friend wrote in my autograph book fifty years or so ago

    “Make new friends, but keep the old
    “Those are silver, these are gold”

    Post # 16
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I’m not inviting anyone I haven’t seen in 2.5 years, whether I went to their wedding or not!

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