Post # 1
So, I am adding an insert to my invitations that provides extra tidbits of info such as driving directions, wedding website, accomodations website, etc.
But, I have had several ppl mention to me that they are looking for a “date” or thinking of bringing someone. Ummm, we are not in a position to accommodate many (if any) +1’s. Especially from ppl who just want to find a “date”. We have a tight guest list. Most ppl who aren’t married or in couples are invited in addition to lots of their friends/family. No one will be a lonely Lionel with no one to talk to.
So my question is: Can I request no +1’s on the invitation insert? Is this super shady cheap-skate-y, jerky behavior? I am just so scared to get 25 +1’s!
I was thinking of wording it like this:
“Guests: Unfortunately, we will be unable to accomodate any guests not listed as the invite addressee(s) due to limited numbers. (no +1’s).”
Is this totally unacceptable? Is it right for everyone to assume I am allowing them to bring a guest (most of whom I would never have met) to my wedding??? Am I NUTS?!
Post # 3
just address the invite to that one person (dont put ‘and guest’) and then on the rsvp, put something like…. 1 seat has been reserved…. or fill in the number 1 where the rsvp says instead of leaving it blank 🙂 i think this was is more acceptable. they should get the point.
Post # 4
Dont put it in your invite. I would suggest only addressing it to people who say something to you or try to RSVP for a +1. Just tell them something along the lines of “We’re sorry, but we are having a very small wedding and our venue cannot accomodate any extra guests. In order for us to include all of our friends and family, we needed to cut down on dates and +1s.” Then stress that they will know people there and they wont be alone.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2011 - Greenville Country Club
@Stiz: I would definitely call the guests you’re worried may want to bring a date and explain the situation to them. As for getting your message across on the invitations, it’s all about who is on the invitation. If they’re too dense to understand this, reinforce it with a call. We’re giving our guests a subtle hint via the RSVP: “We have reserved X seats in your honor.” Here’s to hoping THREE ways of saying it makes it clear!
Post # 6
@zippylef: My sensibilities say you are right. I am just scared of how flippantly and easily people have automatically mentioned bringing a +1. Like it’s the done thing. I am wondering if it is?
@stephanie63087: I like the “1 seat has been reserved idea”. It sounds much more acceptable.
I feel like I am being rude, I just don’t want to have to have an awkward convo with 25 guests about why they can’t bring someone! I was hoping to head it off early!
Post # 7
@Stiz: Just wanted to say I loved your post title!
Post # 8
@painauchocolat: I always thought the names on the envelope were like the gospel…seems a lot of ppl don’t know that! I guess the seat reservation thing, again, is the best. And the phone calls…oh how I dread thee. lol
Post # 9
@Stiz: I forgot to add that we did the “# seats have been reserved in your honor” thing too. It worked out really well. We let a few people bring +1s, but only those who were in a long-term relationship and we knew their partner.
Post # 10
Don’t freak out on anyone. Most people don’t realize that a date isn’t automatic until they plan their own wedding (or have helped plan one.)
Just politely explain that you don’t have space for their guest.
Post # 11
Most of the weddings I’ve been to you only get a plus one if your +1 knows the bride or groom. We’re inviting couples where appropriate and singles where we don’t know if they even have a +1, certainly not inviting people to take dates. Its not really even a matter of money, so much as I don’t want lots of poeple I don’t know on my wedding day.
The only person who was allowed to add a late +1 is my bridesmaid who was in the very early stages of dating when we got engaged.
Post # 12
I voted for the first option, because we’re allowing plus ones. It’s definitely not the way every wedding works, though! I second PPs who said to just talk to people and let them know you can’t accomodate +1s.
Post # 13
Ha, your post title is hilarious!
Putting the text about “sorry, no +1s” on the invite seems to call more (negative) attention to it, to me. I think putting the invited guest’s name on the envelope and adding the wording of “we have reserved X seats in your honor” is sufficient If you do have anyone who asks/mentions bringing an uninvited +1, just gently tell them that you can’t accommodate any more people like PPs suggested.
And definitely don’t feel bad about excluding random +1s!
Post # 14
i feel the same way, while i would love to allow everyone to bring a plus one our venue only holds 250 max and we have already hit that number without plus ones for our guests who aren’t engaged or married. so to avoid the akward conversation with everyone our RSVP card says the following:
Your reply is requested on or before (date).
We have reserved _____ seat(s) in your honor.
___ Accept(s) with pleasure
___ Decline(s) with regrets
(list dinner option here)
we will insert the number based on if they get a plus one or not or if a whole family is invited, that way it is clear how many they can rsvp for without assuming.
Post # 15
@sonj818: I agree. When I was invited to a friend’s wedding last year, I assumed my then-boyfriend (now FI) would be invited. She gently let me know that while she would love to meet him in the future, unfortunately it wouldn’t be at the wedding. I definitely wasn’t offended, and now that I’m planning my own wedding, I completely understand!
Post # 16
I chose +1s on a case-by-case basis. I’d try to make it clear on the invite, but would avoid writing out the rule so explicitly.