Post # 1
I just need to post a rant. Please be gentle.
I’m not a wedding person. I never have been, never will be. It’s not my thing. I’m thrilled to be getting married, but the wedding – meh. I’m also not really a planner – I hate details, I hate tons of moving parts, it just stresses and bugs me.
I would have been happy eloping, but FI and decided it would be best for our families and friends and world peace to have a wedding. OK, fine. I’ll play.
But I am so, so, SO sick of hearing about it. I’ve got most everything planned at this point. I’m feeling good. But I am so sick of talking about it and fielding questions and helpful suggestions. I open my email to see suggestions and questions from my mom, FMIL, and sister about things like “have you thought about offering a signature cocktail” to suggestions for twee little table numbers, to questions about the rehearsal dinner menu, etc.
What I’d really like to tell them is this: I DON’T CARE. If you really want us to have engraved napkins or some thing you’ve heard about, then call the venue and make it happen. It’s not that important to me. Please just leave me the heck alone about it.
I really wish I could declare a moratorium on all wedding talk for a month, and enjoy the time with my fiance. Argh.
OK, rant over. Be nice everyone – I’m frazzled! 🙂
Post # 2
I think on some level we all go thru this. Its OK. I totally understand, because I *love* planning parties, and know how overwhelming it can be.
I know this was just a rant, but can you tell your mom to go ahead and decide a few things for you? Can you put someone else in charge of a few things, with the preface that you want nothing to do with the details of those things? Sometimes I make a deal with FI, that there will be no wedding talk for x amount of days. He’s like you a bit, cares, but after 2 hours he’s done. Me? I could plan 12 hours a day.
Post # 3
MrsBagel: That’s not a bad idea – and I might be able to try it on some things. That is, if I can figure out a way to say “if you want it that bad, do it yourself” without sounding like an ass. But I’m worried I would sound like an ass or it would end up being my problem anyway, like doing the rehearsal dinner invitations on behalf of my in-laws who are hosting. Argh.
That strategy did work with favors though. FI wanted them, I didn’t. I told him if he felt that strongly he could choose, order, transport, and set them up himself. That was the last I heard about favors 🙂
Post # 4
Moraz: You say you feel like saying you don’t care. My advice: SAY IT!
Post # 5
aussiemum1248: Ehhhh. I’m bad at that! My mom gets mad and cold, and I adore my FMIL and don’t want to upset her.
I suppose this is all good practice for being a mother when everyone gives unsolicited advice!
Post # 6
No seriously, aussiemum is right. You don’t have to say you don’t care in a mean way, but you could talk to both of your moms. If it was me, I’d appeal to your moms “mommy” side. Explain how overwhelmed you are, and tell her you need her. If my DD said that to me, I’d help her in a heartbeat.
Post # 7
OK, I figured it out – thanks ladies! I said this:
“I don’t have strong feelings on it either way, but I trust your taste so if it’s something you want, please go ahead and arrange it! I’m operating at maximum capacity right now though so if you can work through the details I’d really appreciate it.”
Post # 8
Girl. I feel you right now.
I was so happy that my mom was out of town all week visiting my sister because I didn’t have to have one wedding related conversation.
Post # 9
Moraz: I am in EXACTLY the same position as you. My FI and I want to elope SO badly. We’d dealt with drama from the day we got engaged, and once my mom started getting excited about the planning aspect, I have felt like I might explode. It just seems like the wedding is all we ever talk about. And it’s almost a YEAR away.
I had to live at home this summer and we got into a lot of huge fights toward the end of the summer, because I was just so sick of hearing about everything. I finally told her that I wanted to put all wedding planning on hold because I didn’t like the direction things were going. She didn’t speak to me for a week and then broke down about how ungrateful and unsensitive I am. I haven’t spoken about wedding stuff (except right now) in a couple weeks….no pinterest binges either. Everything wedding-related makes me want to puke, and I feel panic attacks coming on whenever I look at a wedding checklist.
It’s so overwhelming, because I’ve realized that the whole big white wedding just isn’t what my FI and I have ever wanted. We made it so so so clear from the very beginning and somehow we were pressured to make all these decisions and deposits, and now I just wish everyone would leave me alone with wedding stuff!