(Closed) I wish I didn't want to get married

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
917 posts
Busy bee

You need a hobby or something to take your mind off waiting. I started photography (mainly animals) and painting, though at the moment I’m quite happy in waiting. 

 

You don’t mention whether you’ve spoken to your SO about getting married and whether a timeline was given or not? Either way though, start a hobby. Waiting or getting married shouldn’t consume your entire life. 

Post # 4
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@AngelofFire:  He doesn’t get you gifts or go on dates with you?  Or am I mis-reading that?

Post # 5
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

What does he say? Does he not want to get married? If you want to get married and he doesn’t, I don’t think he’s “the one.” “The one” is someone who can meet your needs. 

Post # 8
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@AngelofFire:  No, not at all.  That’s more understandable though if he has no income.  I can see, though, why he might hold back.  If he has no money to buy a ring, then he probably wants to wait til he can afford to get you a nice ring.

Post # 9
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@AngelofFire:  With no income, he’s not going to be able to get you a ring anytime soon. Can you handle that? Most men don’t feel ready to get married until their financial situation is at least somewhat stable. I don’t think you’re being materialistic, but I do think it’s a little unrealistic to think that he’s ready to be engaged at this point.

Post # 11
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@AngelofFire:  Well, honestly, I know my guy has something in the works for the next year, but before I knew that I didn’t really think too much about it.  But even without knowing that, I’m sort of a “live in the moment” type of person, so I don’t/didn’t focus on that much.  I’m also pretty much constantly busy with work, shows, and trips, so I don’t have a lot of time to focus on it. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@AngelofFire:  I cope with the wait by working on becoming the best version of myself and doing what I can to support SO.

For you, this could mean focusing on your education/career, getting in shape, developing or maintaining friendships, picking up a hobby, helping your SO with his job search (finding networking events and job opportunities online), growing your relationship as a couple by carving out a cheap date night, etc.

Post # 13
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

He’s the one that always brings up marriage and the future?  You don’t think he initiates those conversations just to keep you “on the hook” do you?  Just be careful that he’s not just telling you what you want to hear.

Post # 14
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@OctBride-2012:  

 

I’ve noticed that in a lot of waiting threads in which the OP is in a lot of pain, we find out that he is the one making comments about marriage and the future.

 

I fear you may be on to something.

 

Post # 15
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@AngelofFire:  I wish it was that easy….lol. I’ve tried just keeping busy at work, but now work is dead. i’ve bought a car, tried planning a vacation. but, nothing works….i see enagaged people all over the place…stare wistfully at the jewllery stores. it’s a very hard habit to break lol

Post # 16
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@AngelofFire:  I’m still hung up on the no dates thing.

Now are we talking that he doesn’t take you to Le Bec Fin (ETA: one of the fanciest places in Philly where appetizers are lilke $30) or you don’t go out on dates period?

Because if he’s not even taking you on dates to the park or something which is free
then I think it is seriously time to reconsider this relationship!!

My boyfriend and I are students right now and so our purse strings are very tight. However we still manage to have a lot of fun together. Some of our best dates are ones where we spent nothing or barely anything: browsing used bookstores, splitting an ice cream cone and walking around with it, driving aimlessly and listening to music, going to free festivals or just playing board games at home or watching TV shows (or movies borrowed from the library-free!) and eating popcorn.

If you’re telling me that you’re not even doing things like that (all those mentioned are definitely under $10) then I think the issue isn’t that he doesn’t seem inclined to propose it’s that he seems to be putting no effort into your relationship.

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