(Closed) I wish I had a friendly, kind MIL… :(

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My FH could relate here….my mom is a total wackadoodle. It was hard for him at first, but now we have washed our hands of it.

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My Mother-In-Law has no boundaries. I am a pretty private person. I was raised that it is in poor taste to discuss things like money, she is always asking me how much I paid for this or that, and constantly talking about money. It makes me so uncomfortable, my parents never discussed money. My parents are empty nesters and they like to go out to eat, travel and have fun. Her idea of going out to eat is to get dollar menu at McDonald’s, and she’s always asking why my parents go out so much and commenting on how much they spend. I don’t know, it’s their money, their business! They enjoy their lives, they don’t stay in eating tv dinners every night!

She also has been very vocal in her opinion about both my pregnancies, saying that we don’t have enough money for a baby, offering to buy me a gigantic box of condoms in the middle of the grocery store because we “can’t afford any more kids” (I was 8 months pregnant at the time and horrified) , and this current pregnancy she called my house at 8am and left a message on my answering machine offering to send me money for an abortion. It’s been… well, a lot.

She’s a great grandmother to our little girl, and is very generous with her time and money. I don’t mean to make it sound like she’s a bad person. We are just very different people, and it can be hard to handle sometimes.

Post # 5
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So i have no relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law.. When my FH and I first met.. he had been split up with his ex for over 6 monthes.. moved states.. but they had a 9 month old. Literally the 1st time she met me.. she snarled at me.. yes.. growled at me. WTF?? Basically called me a homewrecker.. and how he needed to be with his baby.

Needless to say.. after 5 years.. and us having 2 kids. We are still together. And neither one of us really has a relationship with her. It stinks that I could call and ask her for advice on the babies or her opinion on wedding stuff. But for some reason things happened the way they did. My FH ended up having to tell her that I am here to stay and if she didnt like it then she needed to butt out.. and she did. She doesnt talk to him except for Facebook here and there.

Its amazing that grown women can act like that. Your future hubby might have to just mention to her what is going on. She might just not realize how she is acting. But then again she might be so worried about how others see her shes just worried about herself. Hopefully things work out for you!

Post # 6
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

For the most-part I love my Future Mother-In-Law, but she gets on my case about money a lot, as well. I bought my dress second-hand for $900, and I swear she almost fainted when she heard the price. Considering it’s less than 1/2 the budget we set for that particular item you’d think she’d be pleased, but all she could talk about was, “but, you just bought a house“, etc., etc..
I’m guessing part of it stems from the fact that I’ve had a hard time finding a job (it took me 4 months to get the one I have, now–and, it’s only part-time/seasonal), and that her and Future Father-In-Law are verry well-off, but it’s not like we’re hemorrhaging money or anything.

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

while Future Mother-In-Law isn’t downright mean to me, she simply chooses to not acknowledge me. The first time i met her was at FI’s college graduation, where her and Future Father-In-Law completely ignored me and never said a word to me.

When Fiance and I got engaged, FIL’s told him he needed to get a pre-nup and hold off on marrying me.

The last time Fiance and I visited them, we met at church, where they arrived late and HIGH and then wanted to leave early “to beat the traffic!” WTF?? They still have yet to even congratulate either of us on our engagement.

Let’s just say, they’re not my favorite people.

Post # 8
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I feel your pain. My Future Mother-In-Law is horrible to me and occasionally to FH too. She’ll never approve of anything I ever do, or my relationship with her son. It’s horrible to deal with especially as my family love and adore FH.

I wish I had some words of wisdom πŸ™ All I can say is, I know how tough it can be.

Post # 9
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Mother-In-Law is a lovely person, and we have a great relationship, but she is a total buttinski! She’s very cheap, and she always comments on how we spend our money.

She is always convinced that all her kids (DH has 2 sisters) and their families are on the brink of financial ruin. Which, while none of us are loaded,  is not the case at all.  

That being said, you can imagine her reaction when I lost my job 2 years ago. I have worked pretty consistantly since then, but they have been part time jobs that are not always reliable. She is constantly asking me about work, and what is going on, am I looking for work?, have I been on any interviews? why is it taking so long to find something?. I can see if we had to borrow money from them why she would be so pushy about it, but we have actually been fine. We were able to plan a wedding despite me working less.

Today we were out wiith her, and one of her friends asked me “how my job situation is going”. So, that means she’s telling her friends about me not working. Nice.

Post # 10
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

MY Future Mother-In-Law asked me for a paternity test. My Fiance and I got pregnant rather early into our relationship, but there was no excuse for that. It only went downhill from there. They just generally disapprove of us being together, they never liked me, tried to get Fiance to leave me, she has started yelling arguments with me over the stupidest stuff (like how frequently I do laundry…ya seriously.) It’s absolutely ridiculous.

Don’t feel like your alone in the Mother-In-Law drama, but please don’t think that it couldn’t be worse!! πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 

My Future Mother-In-Law is also a tight arse, also for no good reason. I was also bought up to be a very private person,  that it was poor taste to discuss money….Future Mother-In-Law does all the time.  As a result at the age of 41 Fiance has no boundaries and Future In-Laws know exactly how much he earns, how much he pays out, etc.  And seem to think that they have a right to comment on it.   Drives me insane. 

I’ve had immune system problems for the last few years (recovering from cancer) I have worked, but it tends to be short-term contracts. Future Mother-In-Law is also always bugging me about my job search.  Currently I’m in a long-distance relationship with Fiance – so he could keep his job – and I don’t depend financially on him at all. So therefore I feel that my job/money situation is none of her damn business.  Just once it would be nice to see them and NOT have a conversation about jobs/money.  They also expect a big wedding that only their family will be able to attend…and for Fiance and I to pay for it all. They’ve already made it clear that they won’t be helping out. 

Post # 12
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel like my relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law is complicated. On the surface she says she likes me and is nice to me, but she makes hurtful comments sometimes and shes very touchy and I don’t feel like part of their family. She’s divorced so she’s always asking Fiance if he’s sure about me, or wanting to know why he didn’t date someone else. And she causes huge drama, like canceling Thanksgiving because we couldnt leave our dog all day and because I asked if I could make something other than green bean casserole (which I hate.)

Meanwhile my own mom is having my brother’s gf over to bake cookies next weekend, just for fun. I don’t see my Future Mother-In-Law ever wanting to specifically hang out with me like that. More time with my Fiance, sure. and all the better for her if I’m otherwise occupied. πŸ™

Post # 14
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My fmil is toxic. She yelled at me in public this weekend because I looked over at fi while they were talking. I wish our relationship was different be she isn’t a happy person and that has nothing to do with me. I wash my hands of it.

Post # 15
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m with you. I don’t even like thinking about my in-laws. They really make me feel sick somedays. I don’t care what they say about me but because it hurts FH I would like their hearts on a spit… πŸ˜› 

 That doesn’t prevent me from being the classy one though. I pray they feel like the nincompoops they are at our wedding and realize how stupid they’ve been to us someday. 

Even if that never happens, I am lucky my family is supportive and know FH and I will be just fine because we’ve gone through hell and back before the marriage even started. 

Post # 16
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wish I had a relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law as well. In the beginning, we had some issues because Fiance and I were living in a home that was owned by Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law. They would drop by and make surprise visits and then criticize our housekeeping skills. She is old school and thinks that the woman should be the cook and the housekeeper. She is a stay at home mom while I am a career woman. Needless to say, we rarely see eye to eye. It took me standing up for myself and basically telling her I wasn’t going to take her crap anymore for her to lay off of me. Things have been strained ever since. She is also ultra-conservative while I am more outgoing and personable.

Every time I am around her I can’t help but think she is disappointed in her “baby boys” choice of a future wife. But, it’s whateves. I will be around for a long, long time so she better get used to me πŸ™‚

At least I have an AWESOME mom who is my best friend. That really makes up for it. But I still get sad when other women talk about how great they get along with their MIL’s and how they go out to lunch and shopping together. I could never do that because we have nothing in common and nothing to say to each other. I would rather lick a toilet seat than spend any alone time with her.

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