(Closed) I wish I had a time-machine…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sometimes I feel the same way with my Fiance. It is true that every relationship changes over time, but in order for them to last you need to find a way to grow together and to find ways to meet in the middle. I think this is a really improtant conversastion you need to have with Fiance. Just tell him how you feel and expressing that it doesn’t need to me a monitary item, just a loving gesture might make him feel more willing to do things. I know there is a good book everyone on here reccomends reading about communication. Sorry I can’t remember what its called but maybe reading that together could help too.

 

(((((hugs))))

Post # 4
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Mrs T, quite frankly this sounds terrible! You need to sit him down ASAP and start communicating. Is it possible he’s mad at you for something that hasn’t been dealt with? No spouse should be indifferent to a new job or boiling water burns!! Do you have any sense of what is going on? 

Post # 5
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree with snowflake 100%.

Not asking you how your first day at your new job went is just plain rude, but his lack of concern for the boiling water incident scares me a little.

You definately need to have a talk with him and find out why he’s become so apathetic.

Post # 6
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Talk to him. The best case senario is that nothing is wrong and he’s fine but he’s just comfortable in the relationship. Remind him about all the great moments you shared when you were first dating and try to do the little things that you used to do for him at the start too. FH and I occasionally go through times like this where we both just get so comfortable in our love for each other that we accidentally start hurting each others feelings by feeling neglected. It’s ok. It’s a normal reaction. 

But I’d definitely bring up the hot water situation and see what went on there. I agree with PPs that it raises a slight concern that he wasn’t bothered. Or at least, didn’t appear to be.

Post # 8
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yah, but it’s not about forcing him to be romantic, it’s about just noticing you’re there in general and being sensitive to your needs Be clear that it’s not about you need X mushy notes in your day, but that you want to feel like he notices you and thinks you are important…. your own feelings can’t be “wrong,” and if it’s important to you, it’s an important issue for the relationship. 

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s not a “problem” but you’re entitled to want to feel a bit romanced in your relationship! I’m sure if it was your FH feeling this way that he would have spoken to you about it – so don’t feel like you’re nagging, you’re just asking for a little attention, you’re not telling him that he can’t ever play his XBox again or anything.

Post # 12
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Have you guys taken the Love Language tests online?

http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

I find that when I want to feel loved a bit more but don’t want to nag, I try to really step up the love in my SO’s love language!

Post # 14
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you should show him those notes. Go over them together and remember how it was together. That lovey dovey stuff is still under there, it’s just sunk down under the ‘comfortable’ (which has it’s own benefits).

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