I wish ppl would stop asking "When are you getting engaged/married?"

posted 6 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

gagal2016 :  Not trying to make you feel worse, but I do think getting that shirt and then making several social media posts about how you’re not engaged/married is a bit desperate. If anything, I think it gives people more of a reason to ask you about it.

Stop wearing the shirt and posting on social media about it, you may think you’re being lighthearted but it’s just unnecessary. 

When people ask, respond with something short and sweet then change the subject. 

Post # 4
Member
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

OP, I don’t think you’re as lighthearted about waiting for an engagement as this post suggests, based on your post history. Your feelings were hurt because you aren’t happy with the situation, is my take on things. It was insensitive of your grandfather to call you out on it, obviously, but I think wearing that shirt around your relatives was probably a mistake if you wanted to shut down annoying lines of questioning from your family.

Post # 5
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Yeah…I kind of second futuremrs2020. Unless I knew someone really well and knew their SO was in on it, I would think desperate/passive aggressive towards their SO on not proposing yet. People asking does get annoying. If you like it who cares though, keep wearing the shirt! Just maybe don’t be surprised by off handed comments about it. 

Post # 8
Member
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

gagal2016 :  I actually think the social media post is funny…but the thing is, I don’t think this is funny to you. Your post history reflects a lot of anxiety and sadness regarding this waiting period, and I think you do yourself a disservice trying to make a joke out of it. Questions from your family sting because you’re not happy about the situation.

 

You could just tell your family to stop asking you about it, but they may or may not comply. I’m guessing though you’ve already tried that.

Post # 10
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

Going back through your post history, 3 years ago you posted that you were “so done” if he didn’t propose by that Christmas… which would have been 2015? 2016?

Why are you still waiting for him to propose? “Sometime in the next few months” is vague and irresponsibly hopeful to keep telling yourself and your family. You’ve been “SO hopeful” for nearly 4 years.

This guy is stringing you along and you don’t want to see it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get engaged and married and start a life with someone, but the first step is admitting that you want all of that.

You’re settling for this guy who has bought a house and made other life commitments, but he won’t commit to you? Huge red flag.

Find someone that thinks you’re worth the commitment.

 

Post # 12
Member
4837 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I actually think your tshirt was the passive aggressive, not your grandfather’s reaction.  It almost seems like you did it to shine a light on your boyfriend and to make him uncomfortable.  Searching a t shirt like that out, because come on you didn’t just come across it, ordering it, waiting for it to ship, putting it on, taking 100 pictures, trying to come up with the best witty cool girl caption…it does all seem a bit desperate. 

but when I address it in a light hearted way I’m suddenly the desperate girl who just can’t wait to get married…?

Based on your posting history it really doesn’t seem like you are being funny and light hearted, you have bad many come to jesus talks with your SO and you still aren’t engaged.  Frankly if your SO was on the same page as you then someone asking when you were getting engaged wouldn’t “sting”, it might be annoying but it wouldn’t hurt. 

Sounds like your grandfather is bearing the brunt of your hurt feelings which relate to your Boyfriend or Best Friend. 

Post # 14
Member
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

gagal2016 :  I’m not sure what advice anyone can really give you, honestly. You are unhappy waiting. This is not a case of you and he agreeing together that you want to wait until early 2019, this is a case of you hoping for a proposal as much as a year ago, maybe longer, and not getting it. I can’t know what your boyfriend’s feelings are, but you clearly are miserable and having your non engaged status pointed out is a cause for hurt feelings. Unfortunately, when you’re completely honest about the fact that not being engaged IS a sore subject for you, you get a lot of feedback that you don’t want.

 

I mean, at this point, only two things are going to solve this quandary. 1. You breaking up with him, or 2. Him proposing to you. And you only have control over the first. What are you prepared to do if #2 doesn’t pan out in the time frame you’re expecting?

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