I wish ppl would stop asking "When are you getting engaged/married?"

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2020 - Germany

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gagal2016 :  “Comments like, “Well it won’t even be as special anymore now that it has been so long. There’s no magic in that.”” 

Just commenting regarding the above…wow! Rude much?! :O Can’t believe anyone said that to you! Of course it’s going to be special when he proposes, but you already know that ^_^

Post # 17
Member
8370 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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zzar45 :  I actually think your tshirt was the passive aggressive, not your grandfather’s reaction.  It almost seems like you did it to shine a light on your boyfriend and to make him uncomfortable

This is what I was thinking. The OP is trying to put up a facade of being the cool girl(friend), but it just comes off sad. I don’t think the grandfather was any less “funny” in his comment than the OP is in shaming her bf =\

Post # 19
Member
5643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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gagal2016 :  If that is what you need to tell yourself to feel better then fair enough but the reality is your boyfriend’s disability has F all to do with him proposing to you and he isn’t any different from a “normal” guy in that sense.

If he has a job, can purchase a home and sort a full renovation on it how exactly does his disability stop him from getting engaged? 

Post # 20
Member
2444 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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gagal2016 :  I briefly looked at your post history, it sounds like you guys set a timeline if I’m not mistaken? Are you still on track for that? If it’s a reasonable and realistic timeline that you’re both comfortable with then I definitely don’t think you need to leave, but it does sound like you’re unhappy with how long it’s taking to reach engagement. 

Have you talked to your boyfriend about your feelings? You said he thought the posts were funny, and you ran them by him first, but does he know how you ACTUALLY feel about the fact that you’re not engaged/married and WHY it bothers you that people keep asking you about it? If “waiting” truly didn’t bother you then peoples comments wouldn’t be getting to you so much and you wouldn’t be going out of your way to make jokes about it.

I do agree that on most of the waiting boards bee’s are saying to leave, quit wasting your time, etc and it usually just isn’t that simple. 

Post # 23
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t see the Facebook post as shaming at all, but I do think it’s a mistake to pretend like you’re fine with something when you aren’t. But I suppose you have a catch 22- pretend you’re laughing about it, and people call that into question. Tell them honestly it upsets you, and people tell you to leave him.

Post # 24
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

   

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Tatum : “ …you clearly are miserable and having your non engaged status pointed out is a cause for hurt feelings. Unfortunately, when you’re completely honest about the fact that not being engaged IS a sore subject for you, you get a lot of feedback that you don’t want. I mean, at this point, only two things are going to solve this quandary. 1. You breaking up with him, or 2. Him proposing to you. And you only have control over the first. What are you prepared to do if #2 doesn’t pan out in the time frame you’re expecting?”

I totally agree…

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gagal2016 :  op you’ve been wanting to get engaged for 3 years,  you’re (understandably) not cool with continuing to wait longer!  I would address the issue directly with your boyfriend  as *he* is the root of the problem, not your grandpa or other people..

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zzar45 :  agree as well.

Post # 26
Member
5643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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gagal2016 :  In one of your most recent posts you said he had now moved into the house he bought and renovated?  Now you are saying he still lives at home with his parents? 

Post # 28
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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zzar45 :  I think he bought a house but has had to renovate it to make it wheelchair accessible so it may not have been move in ready for quite some time. I vaguely remember from the last post that most discretionary income was going towards that.

Post # 29
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

He’s stringing you along and paraplegic? Girl. As the daughter of a paraplegic I can tell you that it’s not easy at all living with them and is a huge responsisbility. Bless your golden heart for being there for him despite all of this happening before you and everything. He really should thank his lucky stars and praise god for you because that is a job 90% of people wouldn’t sign up for out of the gate. I can’t imagine waiting for someone to make a commitment to me that will benefit them ten thousand times more than it would benefit me. Nope, no way, no how.

Post # 30
Member
2148 posts
Buzzing bee

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mixybee :  I agree completely. She’s giving him *everything* and he can’t even be bothered to give her a semi-permanent commitment of fidelity…I’m so confused?? 

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