I wish ppl would stop asking "When are you getting engaged/married?"

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

You bought a joke t-shirt about a subject you’re sensitive about and then got upset when someone else made a joke about your joke t-shirt? 

C’mon, OP. You know what the problem is and it isn’t your grandpa.  

Post # 32
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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gagal2016 :  I just wanted to chime in here and say I think your grandfather was being mean.  I do think your actions have drawn attention to the fact that you want to be engaged and are not, but he is an adult and should be nicer than that.  People used to make fun of me in high school for having a big butt.  I found it hurtful.  I eventually started joking about my big butt so that I could laugh with people instead of always being the victim.  I never purchased a shirt about it, but if I did, I would not expect my grandparents to call it my “trying to cover up my insecurities about my disproportioned body” shirt.  I don’t care if you really are desperate or insecure or whatever, that doesn’t mean people should call you out on it just to be hurtful.

That said, I think you may be going too far in the direction of trying to make light of how long you have been waiting.  It sounds like your family can see through it.  I think you will get more privacy regarding this situation if you act more private about it.  

My grandmother’s last words to me were to ban me from coming into her hospital room because all she wanted from me was for me to get engaged or get pregnant before she died, and I had failed her.  I will never forget the look on my little brother’s face as he tried to play it off like she was joking around, and she made it clear that she was not.  I got engaged 2 months later.  Anyway, grandparents can be freaking brutal.  I know how nosy and rude family members can be.  I am sorry the methods you have been using to cope with that aren’t working.  I hope things get better!

Post # 33
Member
791 posts
Busy bee

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gagal2016 :  I’m not going to comment on your actual post because tbh, what I think doesn’t matter. But, I will say I feel you on other bees twisting posts and honing in on details they feel are “red flags” then telling the OP to leave their SO. My most recent post was berated with attacks on my boyfriend someone even saying “he is not a man”… the point was completely missed and I know that’s how you’re feeling here. If you know without a doubt your bf will propose in the near future, then who cares right? I’m not saying you are feeling this way, BUT remember that it’s okay to feel sad, anxious, jealous, whatever as you wait. Just do your best to keep your spirits up if necessary!

Post # 34
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA

Eh, screw ’em.  I’m going to give your grandfather the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t realize quite how he was coming off.  Just ignore it. Personally, I think your post his hilarious.  Almost like a “Stop asking the same question that is none of your business, dammit!” in a light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek way.

Every one moves at their own pace.  If you are comfortable with the way things are, then everyone else needs to keep their opinions to themselves.

Post # 35
Member
554 posts
Busy bee

I think you should talk to him! Let him know that taking the next step is something important to you. I agree with some of the comments on your social media posts, I understand the shirt and the other picture were a joke but if I were to see that on my ig feed I would think it’s a passive-aggressive way of asking for a ring. So I would not do any more posts on it. If your family or friends make any more comments on this just tell them that it’s none of their business, and that you’ll both be taking every step in your own time. Hope it helps! 

Post # 36
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I do always wonder what it means when I hear things like “we’re on the same page and I totally agree with his timeline” when it is obvious that if he were to say “screw it im asking you now” you wouldn’t say no.  So you’re ACCEPTING his page/timeline but it’s not yours at all.

Bee, obviously you are catering to his needs, his wants, his desires, his fears, etc.  which would be much more understandable if the accident had happened 6 months ago.  Bee it’s been YEARS!  He hasn’t moved into the house across the street from his parents because he doesn’t want to.

If this relationship works, and you get married, him being disabled, you have GOT to find your voice!  You are already catering to everything he wants, this will only get worse as you become his caretaker.  If you don’t start getting your needs met now the life is going to be sucked out of you.

Just mentioning this.  Sometimes women date projects because they think these men will be more naturally beholden to them, appreciate, love them, and be more likely to stick around so they tolerate a lot from them. My best friend’s father was in an accident as a single teen, blinded, had one leg and was wheelchair bound.  He cheated on his wife multiple times….once with a preacher’s wife.  Be careful you’re not even slightly attracted to his future dependency on you. 

Post # 39
Member
2032 posts
Buzzing bee

…so what’s the problem then? If you’re on the same page about the timeline and totally okay with it why are you posting here still upset it hasn’t happened??? I don’t get it.

Either you’re ok with his timeline or you’re not. Either you’re okay with not being engaged and find it funny in some odd immature way or you’re  not okay with it and need to revisit the conversation with him. You can’t in one breath say you find it amusing and then be all upset at your grandpa for pointing out your t shirt the next. You can’t have it both ways.

And dont baby your bf or make excuses for him just because he has a disability-that doesn’t really have anything to do with it and is insulting to some disabled people who are fully capable of moving their lives forward. Your bf just has chosen not to and you have a right to hold him to that.

Stop wearing the t shirt. Stop posting on social media about how “funny” it is. Your joint future with someone being up in the air isn’t funny. If you’re really unhappy you need to talk to him like a mature adult, not joke about it. Or get over it. Sorry but I cringed reading this post.

Post # 41
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee

 

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gagal2016 :  I think bees are concerned that you aren’t seeing the forest through the trees. Others don’t have to field awkward questions about when (or, to be honest, if) they are getting married because (1) they don’t draw attention to it and (2) they don’t wait 3-5 years for someone to propose.

Post # 43
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee

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gagal2016 :  I doubt it is completely random and unrelated to your jokes/facebook posts. In my case, I would have probably just answered the truth, which was “when I want to”, but I’m not sure that would apply in your case.

Post # 45
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee

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gagal2016 :  Fair, but it probably isn’t unrelated to the fact that many couples who have dated for as long have already married. Other bees are likely concerned that you are focusing on the wrong issue. If your house is burning and you post about getting the smell of smoke out of clothes, you shouldn’t be surprised when people comment on the burning house.

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